Kourtney and Kim Take New York Premiere Recap

"You're my wife," Kris Humphries says. "How crazy is that?" Kim says. In their bedroom, Kris tells Kim "You're my wife. It'll take a lot to get rid of me." Kris then picks Kim up and takes her in the bathroom for a shower. Kris looks really happy to be Mrs. Kim Kardashian.

Kourtney Kardashian says that she booked "the biggest suite" in a NY hotel for she, Scott, Kim and Kris to live.

Kim and Kris take a private jet to New York. On the plane, Kris tells her "You're so pretty, baby." Awww. Isn't he supposed to be some huge a-hole?!

Kim says that she "wouldn't have it any other way" than to live with Kourtney, Scott Disick and Mason as a newlywed. She forgets to mention that she's living with them for no other reason than to film her f*cking reality show.

Scott is smoking outside and Kourtney doesn't want him to. Gasp! Drama!

Kris is woken up by Mason at 7AM. Hours later, Kim's room is covered with Kris' crap and she starts freaking out. Gasp! Drama!

Scott and Kourtney go out to dinner where he sets up the premise for the season: his romance with Kourt has fizzled and he hopes it comes back.

And then it's TMI time. Kourtney and Kim go to the spa where Kourt gets an enema.

Back at the hotel, Kris accidentally ruins his wife's pedicure and Kim tries to punch him but he restrains her. Nails are the kinds of things that Kimmy gets upset over.

Kris and Scott are now in the bathroom where Kris is actually shaving Scott's underarm hair off with his razor! Kris is a saint if you ask me. Kourtney walks in and complains that Scott only shaves his balls when he wants to hook up with other chicks. Scott says he can't shave his balls because his penis "looks too big."

After getting dressed up, Kim and Kris, along with Kourtney and Scott, attend their welcome to NY party where Kris refuses to spend much time on the red carpet and says that he wants to leave. He then apologizes for being a jerk, and I'm still waiting to see footage of Kris acting like a douche extraordinaire.

Scott gets drunk at the party and Kourtney and Scott leave separately. Gasp! Drama!

The next morning, Scott says that he's moving out and he leaves the hotel. Kim says that she can't live with Kris because he's such a slob. Sounds like a great reason not to live with your husband.

A black guy shows up to Kourtney and Kim's house for naked yoga. Natch. Kourtney says that all of the girls need to show "Boobs, a*s or vagina." The instructor is naked now, but his cock is blurred out and I'm wondering if he's packing. Kim can't stop laughing hysterically at the naked yoga instructor. You know E! was behind this idea.

Kris walks in and sees a naked man giving Kim, Kourt and their Dash employees a naked yoga session. Kris says that it's disrespectful for him to walk in on a naked man in their place. He tells the instructor that he has a nice ass. Yep, Kris is still nice as far as I'm concerned. He had every reason to be furious and he wasn't even that upset.

Kris tells Kim that he doesn't want to live with Kourtney anymore. Kim tells Kris that he's immature, yelling at him in front of her Dash employees. Kim says "It's not about you!" and Kris walks out as Kim has a huge smile on her face. Their entire marriage is a joke to Kimmy K.

Kris meets up with one of his friends to have a drink at the bar. His friend Josh is suddenly available and he quickly shows up at the bar for a drink with Mr. Kim Kardashian? This wasn't scripted at all. When Kris goes home, he says that he wants to leave New York for Minnesota because it's too much for him to live with all the K-drama at their place. Kim doesn't even ask him to stay. Instead she says "If that's what you think you need to do, I understand."

The episode ends with Kris packing up and leaving for Minnesota, where he should have saved. His wife is a b!tch!