Because she doesn't have any talent, Kim Kardashian always has to throw herself in front of a camera for photos or to film one of her scripted reality shows. She also runs out of ideas most of the time, so she'll take off her drag queen makeup occasionally or she'll take her clothes off to "empower" women. In summary, she's pretty much the world's shortest supermodel.

Kim went natural for Allure magazine, and by "natural," I mean, b!tch wore hair extensions and had sh!t on her face! In fact, Allure writes that the makeup artist "drew a red-brown pencil on the upper and lower lids. She then swirled a bronzy cream foundation on Kardashian's cheekbones and dabbed on a pink-beige lipstick." Kimmy was wearing makeup. Anyway, here are some quotes from the talentless one.

On when she'll have kids: Khloé joked with me and said, 'Will you be my surrogate?' I said, 'I think I have a couple more years when I just want my body to myself. At 35, I promise I'll consider it.'

On her next wedding: I would just want it to be so special, with our family and close friends, and that's it. Somewhere on a deserted island, very private. No cameras.

On putting her relationship on TV again: Whenever I choose to get into one again. I'm not ready, but when that time comes, I'll be more cautious about who I let my world open up to.