I think I’ve found my new religion. My prayers to the gods of 100-proof
vodka, Evelyn Lozada’s temper, and Kenya Bell’s crazy have been answered
and I feel as if I am not alone in the world anymore. Spiritual awakening,
This episode starts out as a continuation of the last one, with Suzie
walking Kesha out of the cabana, and then walking back onto the scene. Tami
and Evelyn both look sooo unamused at Kenya, who then admits that she
did say something about Evelyn being loose. Evelyn and Tami call
Kenya out on denying her words while Kesha was there, and Kenya (unsuccessfully) tries
to talk herself out of it. She’s making Meeka Claxton look somewhat logical
right now, and that’s saying something. Everyone’s just itching to topple
her. “Crazy people can only pretend to act normal for so long,” Suzie says.
And you better believe it.
Then, in the most random scene of the episode, Royce talks with people
about her hip hop fitness video. But soon enough we’re at Kesha’s house,
where Suzie and Kesha tell Jen about the incident in the cabana. As they
describe the events of that day, Jen insists that Kenya isn’t crazy when
she’s around her. Kesha lets it slip that Kenya sees Jen as her idol
[insert Psycho soundtrack here], and Jen is shocked that Kenya worships
her. But that’s just a sidenote because, more importantly, Kesha claims to
have a witness, her friend Sakara, who can attest to the fact that Kenya
called Evelyn “loose.” What is this, calling witnesses now? Shiz is serious.
When Evelyn recaps the Kenya/Kesha drama, Shaunie proclaims with the witty
observation, “This is a disaster.” As is my prediction for Kenya and Jen’s
budding friendship. The two of them meet up for coffee, and are still
getting along because they deride the other girls for being drama-mongering
haters. “They are just hating so hard,” Kenya says. Or maybe they’re just
Royce comes over to Tami’s place to talk about her play in NYC, and also
about Tami’s hurt feelings. Tami is still upset that Suzie referenced her
in relation to food stamps, but right now she’s more preoccupied with the
Kenya drama–and the fact that she wants nothing to do with Kenya’s career.
Obviously. Shaunie meets up with her own manager because she wants to get
Mindless Behavior to appear at her daughter Mimi’s tenth birthday party?
WILL THIS EVEN BE RELEVANT LATER ON? (The answer–not really.)
Because they wanna prove that they look better than you do in a bathing
suit, Sakara and Kesha walk along the beach in hot pink bikinis and discuss
the craziness of Kenya. Kesha needs to prove she’s not a liar, and Sakara
says she’s going to tell the girls the truth. Teamwork, yo.
Royce goes over to Suzie’s place and Suzie convinces Royce to be there when
she talks to Tami about her food stamps comment. Then Suzie also starts to
bring up Jen (seriously, WTF?) and thinks that Royce and Jen should mend
their friendship. I guess Jen does need to bring the average psychotic
level of her friends down a few pegs. Her ex-BFF Evelyn gathers with Suzie,
Sakara, and Kesha in order to get the true story about the events of that
night. Sakara clarifies that Kenya’s not lying or trying to start drama,
and so Evelyn looks pissed and proclaims she’s going to torture Kenya every
time she sees her. Even Kesha is scared.
The weird Shaunie subplot is tied up in the end and we get to see her
daughter Mimi’s birthday party. And guess what? Mindless Behavior shows up,
Mimi cries, Shaunie makes her daughter happy so she’s happy! Can you say
The mini Tami/Suzie beef is effectively squashed without even the necessity
of a Royce intermediary, though she’s there as well. Suzie immediately
starts apologizing profusely, which Tami appreciates, though she wants
Suzie to understand that she needs to have a filter. Easier said than done.
Don’t expect an aw-inducing ending, though. Prepare yourself for some
actual interesting sh!t. Later, drinks are thrown, things are smashed,
They’re in a mothereffing wine bar (AKA alcohol galore) as all the girls
gather in the next scene, so you know things are gonna get real. When Kenya
walks in the door, Evelyn is simmering as Tami, Suzie, and Shaunie look on.
Once Kesha and Sakara join the table, Kenya looks like a deer in the
headlights. But even with Sakara’s backing about the truth of that night,
Kenya still insists that she doesn’t remember exactly what she said about
Evelyn being loose. Her denial is increasingly pissing off Evelyn and once
she takes off her earrings, you know she means business. This is what I’ve
been waiting for all season!
“Like I said before,” Kenya says placidly with her robot/crazy face, “I
don’t remember.” In response to this, Evelyn buoys herself with a sip of
her drink before swiftly moving around the table to start a rousing game of
whack-a-Kenya. Immediately, Tami tries to cut her off, but not before
Evelyn grabs a bottle of wine from the wall and starts hacking the air
towards Kenya, eventually throwing the bottle and a plate at her. As
security finally gets involved and pins her to the ground, Evelyn growls at
no one in particular, “Why y’all stop me all the fucking time?” Sometimes,
we ask that question too.