With all the drama of last week’s episode, we’re in that transition phase of Basketball Wives. It’s cool. I know VH1 is laying the groundwork for actual stuff, so I’m not gonna throw a b!tch fit–just as long as a drink gets thrown next week, okay? This episode starts off with a return to the wine bar, as we re-see Evelyn pitching a wine bottle and plate straight over Shaunie’s head to try to whack-a-Kenya. As per usual, Shaunie puts her head in her hands and Evelyn, in all her fury, proclaims that Kenya needs to “watch out.” Duly noted.
Jen and Suzie work out at the gym because they’re, like, active and stuff. Since Suzie’s crack is trying to mend friendships, she wants to convince Jen to make up with Royce because their fight was so trivial and didn’t make a lot of sense. (Um, that’s like this entire show.) Jen’s still hurt over something Royce allegedly said on Twitter about Jen’s leaked naked photos, and also about Royce’s interactions with her ex. Suzie thinks that if they talk through it, they’ll settle their issues. Because that always works.
Then we turn to the gossipy b!tches portion of this show, as Evelyn, Tami, and Shaunie meet up to discuss Kenya. I think they all agree that she’s got crazy eyes and that she’s a liar, plus she’s a little stupid for not being able to tell that Evelyn was gonna come after her. Shaunie suggests that the girls need to go away to somewhere tropical and “just chill.” Fat mo’ fo’ chance. She suggests Tahiti, and Jen will probably be invited. Evelyn says she’ll be civil, that she doesn’t want any drama (really?). But the next big event where all the girls will be together is at the racetrack, under Suzie’s invite. Tami’s not looking forward to them all being together in one place. “Even though I’d like for us to be able to behave,” she says, “it never happens.”
In the most believable excursion on this show, Jen and Kenya go wine shopping. She tells Jen about her new music video premiere, and they’re looking for wine to make it a suuupa-classy event. Jen thinks she should invite everyone to her first screening, and Kenya does–though she also decides that nobody can give a speech because speeches lead to drama. True dat.
This is a slightly transparent move in order to push her guaranteed wedding special, but we quickly shift to Evelyn’s wedding planning. She’s prepping for her big day and she’s just so busy with deciding on a dress, cake, and what name she’s going to take…OMG PROBLEMS. Her friend Nia is there along with her for the ride, and they talk about how Chad is perfect for her because he’ll tell her to STFU if needed.
Now, for the weekly “let’s try to fix this forced friendship, you guys!” meeting. Royce and Jen meet up–stone cold stare to stone cold stare–with Suzie as the mediator. Royce starts off by telling Jen that she was just being plain mean, and Jen explains her hurt feelings, though Royce insists she didn’t say anything about Jen’s naked pics. In the end, Jen admits that their beef was her bad because she’d heard the Twitter story from secondary sources. Suzie fights back tears, “I feel like I should be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.” Cue uplifting muzac.
Suzie and Jen meet for happy hour, and Jen convinces Suzie to come see Kenya’s new music video. It’s sure to be entertaining. Meanwhile, Evelyn’s still working on her wedding and–major faux pas!–she hasn’t sent out a save-the-date even though her wedding is in five months. The stationery store dude sets her straight, but she’s just been sooo busy lately.
Nearly all the gang is there to see Kenya’s video: Kesha, Suzie, Tami, Royce, and Tami’s cousin. It’s called “Choices,” which is pretty thematic given that we all have to make a choice not to laugh during the entire thing. Okay, so it’s not as bad as her other videos, but she’s still doing some jank dance moves and I still feel heavy amounts of awkward in the inner depths of my soul. Suzie looks confused. Tami rolls her eyes. Kenya looks proud and asks if they want to see it again. There’s a general “no” in the air.
Tami says it’s not a bad looking video, which is the most complimentary thing Kenya is going to hear tonight. The girls rip into her wardrobe, age-appropriateness, dress, and style. Then Kenya and Tami get into a little tiff because Kenya actually starts off a sentence with, “When I said that I would work with you…” This does not sit will with Tami (as with us). Tami’s doing her a favor, not the other way around. In the end, Tami’s cousin says she’d be willing to help Kenya if she’ll listen, but Tami knows that ain’t gonna happen-.
So, yeah, no major drama this episode. But you might shed a tear when Tami has her heart-to-heart with her mama, in which she tells her mom that she was sexually violated as a child, and wishes the two of them had a more affectionate relationship. Ahhh real issues. What is this?