With the breathtaking end to last week’s episode–a boldface slap in the face of Jennifer and cougar jump on the part of Evelyn–anything else would just seem subtle in comparison. Thankfully, the producers didn’t try to conjure up some petty fake drama in this episode. We’re mostly still grappling with this one.
In the final moments of episode nine, we only saw Jen go mid-jump over the table, but in this episode we see her land not-so-gracefully into the arms of the expectant security dude. Shaunie looks bewildered, Kesha looks constipated, and Tami looks lost for words as Jen calmly sits down and picks up her wine glass, all while Evelyn’s screaming about how she can’t call Evelyn’s assistant (and Jen’s former friend) Nia a bum b!tch.
Jen decides to leave, with Kesha in tow. Evelyn’s still pissed that Jen’s so stuck-up, looking down upon people and judging them because they have no money. Through tears, Evelyn cries that it’s all “f**ked up.” Tami’s also a big disturbed by Jen’s comments, though she’s also just exhausted by the entire situation. In the end, we all know that there’s some unfinished business between Camp Jen and Camp Evelyn. “B!tch needs to give me my f**king keys,” Nia spews. “Bottom line.”
Suzie waddles out behind the Jen/Kesha contingent, and both seem sympathetic towards Jen, who seems to believe that Evelyn’s just upset that she has new friends. Or maybe they’re just shellshocked. I firmly believe that Suzie, Kesha, Shaunie, and Tami could all form a PTSD support group at this point, sheesh. When Jen talks about the event with Kenya, the two just bond even more. Jen explains that you can’t hit her in the face because she’s a spokesmodel. And if you hit a model in the face it, like, ruins their brand. “I don’t fight with my hands…I do what the white people do, that’s what I do,” Jen jokes(?). Kenya commiserates with Jen. They clink wine glasses and laugh manically and okay maybe I made that last one up but still.
On the other side of town, Tami takes a walk with Evelyn to debrief the event, which Evelyn describes as the “weirdest fight ever.” It just makes her upset to think that just because Jen went to private school and grew up in New Jersey, she thinks she’s better than everyone else.
She’s grateful Jen finally showed her true colors, but Tami’s grateful that she now knows she should probably hang around Kesha the next time something like this goes down, because Kesha just kind of disappears into the background. And it’s kind of true! When she goes to do yoga with Royce in the park, everything’s just calm. Blah.
At the photo shoot for Evelyn’s book, Tami, Evelyn, and Nia discuss the police report that Jen filed. They all think it’s ridiculous, getting lawyers involved. Evelyn proclaims she’s truly done with Jen at this moment. That her comments from the racetrack unraveled any friendship they had by insulting basically everyone she’s loved. Evelyn thinks that Jen needs to stay away from her and maybe the feeling is mutual because Kenya convinces Jen to take a self-defense class. Obviously, Kenya is better at it because she has the “crazy factor” (Jen’s words) that make for crazier fighting. No frickin’ duh.
While bathing suit shopping with Suzie and Evelyn, Kesha gets a little bit of a debriefing after her first major experience with Basketball Wives brawling. Suzie thinks Kesha needs to tread lightly, because she could easily say something wrong and get on someone’s bad side. Oh! Oh! That’s what we call foreshadowing, folks. Then they bring up the Tahiti trip again and Suzie gives Evelyn her b-day gift, “THE best vibrator in the world.” Suzie says it’s a stress reliever. “Maybe you won’t be throwing bottles of wine,” she shrugs to Evelyn.
At Dave & Busters, Suzie and Kesha are meeting Royce’s BF Desmond for the very first time. They’re joined by some other friends and everyone has lots of fun! Suzie gives her stamp of approval. It’s also fun times with Evelyn’s birthday. The first order of business: manicures with Shaunie, Tami, and Courtney, her brand manager. Shaunie and Tami both can’t make it to her party later that night, but it’s okay! As the first part of her extravaganza, Evelyn changes into a bandage dress, gets picked up in a car, and is blindfolded to a secret location. She’s met at a house with a bunch of her friends, who are all wearing white oxford shirts and little else. Evelyn’s forced to put on a catsuit, and then the strippers come out. Of course, Suzie manages to get up on stage and show us her major skillz. Always fun, this one. Then, because the good times keep on rolling, Evelyn gets her b-day gift: an expensive car from Chad. She starts to cry. We flash through images of a cake that legit lights up with sparks, clips of Ev giving a speech about how she’s grateful for good friends, and shots of Evelyn gifting Suzie with a lapdance. Ah, this is the stuff of dreams.