For real, I need wine to get me through an episode. This is bad. I'm willingly contributing to my alcoholism while simultaneously honoring the show. #moraldilemma
Since the Wives are in Miami and this is exactly what people do, Nia, Evelyn, and Tami meet up in their tight dresses and b!tch about Jennifer. They think she’s exacerbating the situation by getting the law involved and by giving interviews about their feud. “She’s dead to me. Completely,” Nia says. Then, Tami and her plunging neckline ask about the upcoming Tahiti vacation. Evelyn doesn’t want to be around Jen during the trip, even though she’s already been invited. Tami recommends that Evelyn just ignore her, which basically means Tami has a form of amnesia that makes her forget the first three seasons. She also promises not to let Evelyn get arrested, which is a deal all good friends should make.
Suzie and Royce meet at the park, where Royce is memorizing her lines and talks about how she’s not sad about missing out on a girl’s trip because she wants to focus on her career. It’s back to the boring because Chad is home from football season and they get to be domestic in Miami by fighting over decorations. Evelyn reveals that she’s also focusing on her career and so she doesn’t want to get knocked up right now. Then Chad tells her he wrote her a poem, which basically compared her to the last slice of pizza that nobody wants. Yup.
In case we forget that Tami has kids, she brings in her daughters Lyric and Jazz because she wants them to be overall good artists. Tami thinks they have no rhythm, and Royce is going to help them out. Insert montage of daughters dancing, just like in a movie! Except without underdogs, only stage mothers.
Back at the house, Evelyn and Chad discuss their wedding, as he convinces her to brave the rain as she puts a towel over her head like Mother Teresa. She feels overwhelmed by all that needs to be done, and then they have a weird mini-fight about how he’s not marrying her for her hair. It’s true. These peeps are weird.
Royce, Kesha, and Suzie gather at the beach and Royce talks about her daddy issues. He never wants her to grow up, and feels weird about the prospect of her living with Dezmon before marriage. Suzie seems to agree with that point a bit which is weird because it’s Suzie.
Meanwhile, Jen is casting for her Lucid commercial. She’s “doing what makes Jennifer happy.” Because happiness is always talking in the third person. Kenya joins her, and the two greet each other like old friends. Jen tells Kenya that Eric talked to her for the first time since he threw a drink in her face, and apologized for the dissolution of their marriage. Then, these two buddies talk about Nia. Jen’s still pressing charges even though she doesn’t want any money from Nia (and knows she doesn’t have much to give). She just, sigh, doesn’t think that violence is the way to go. In which case we wonder, WHY IS SHE ON THIS SHOW? Jen insists her beef with Nia isn’t about Evelyn. Yeah, right. Delusion, meet delusion. Then Jen spouts that this isn’t the way a show was supposed to be, that they were supposed to be a sisterhood. Um, a sisterhood of in-fighting.
For a real change of pace, Tami and Evelyn decide to get mammograms together. So cute! It’s Evelyn’s first time. They talk to the doctor about breast cancer, which is your PSA for the day, yo. Get your boobies checked. Speaking of boobs, Suzie meets up with Jen in the park. Suzie’s worried that Jen’s mad at her, but she says she’s just been stressed and busy. They talk about the upcoming Tahiti trip. Jen is “100% done” with Evelyn, and just wants to stay away from her.
Now we’re on to the conflict of the episode, which occurs not between two Wives, but between Royce and her pops, Robert. He criticizes her for moving too quickly with Dezmon, bringing up their age difference as well. He also thinks that Royce’s son might get too attached to Dezmon, someone who may not be there in the future. Then, he makes a comment about her son seeing Dezmon kissing her, and then kissing three or four other men. At this point, Royce goes crazy and starts crying and collapses onto the ground in a fit. “Just let me be happy! Just let me be happy, please!” He kneels over her like a father dealing with a child having a tantrum. Which is, in fact, actually the case. She insists that she’s changed, that it hurts her to think that he doesn’t recognize her changes. Her dad claims his concern is primarily for his grandson, but Royce still thinks he treats her like a little girl. Man, what a migraine.