The premiere begins with LuAnn and new cast member Aviva having a walk through Central Park. LuAnn explains that they met at a party “and were actually kind of were looking at each other, like attractive women do, and we’ve been friends ever since.” 

Aviva lived in France for five years, something her “friend” LuAnn didn’t know until the cameras were around, so then the women begin speaking in French. Ironically, LuAnn actually slept with one of Aviva’s exes.

Heather introduces herself at the party and Aviva says that she read Heather’s book and she’s a fan of hers. Heather says “It’s nice to meet hot women.” At least these chicks aren’t hiding their superficiality.

Sonja explains the importance of being “on the Upper East Side.” Sonja says, “You know, I go everywhere upper East Side. I only go downtown when I’m gonna get frisky and then I come right back!” Lord.

Ramona Singer shows up with one bottle of wine in each hand she proclaims that she’s “double fisting tonight.” Our alcoholic is at the party! Ramona already looks drunk upon arrival, but that could just be her crazy eyes as she tells the bartender that she wants “Pinot Grigio, of course!”

Carole wrote a book about her husband dying of cancer at it was a New York Times Bestseller. Carole explains that she has to “click back into widow mode” when fans approach her about the book 10 years later. She then asks Aviva “Can you see my tits?” cause she wanted to change the subject.

Heather said “I don’t hate kids, but I hate when groups of mothers get together and that’s all they talk about. I understand it’s the way in which women bond with each other, but it’s not necessarily the most interesting conversation for those who don’t have kids and I bet you it’s not even interesting for those who do have kids.” Heather then announces that she’s “going to get a drink while you guys talk about kids.” I wholeheartedly agree with Heather’s comments, but it’s obviously a sore spot for her as well.

LuAnn confronts Ramona about Ramona calling LuAnn “a weekend mom.” Shortly after LuAnn asks Ramona about her comment, Ramona’s crazy eyes make their first appearance this season. Now I remember why I watch this show!

Carole is a reporter at Glamour magazine and she’s writing a book about having sex and dating “as a widow.”

Next we’re in Heather’s office, she has her own shapewear and clothing company, which reminds me of what’s wrong with these Housewives shows! Many of the women are highly successful business women but editors focus on the catty, petty fights and superficiality instead of showing intelligent, driven women thriving in their careers and relationships.

Ramona shows Heather her issue of The Learning Annex and Heather gives one of the meanest quotes in Housewives franchise history. Ramona thinks landing the cover of The Learning Annex is an accomplishment, Heather says:

“If I were on the cover of The Learning Annex, you know that free magazine that’s next to the trash cans on every corner of New York City, I think I’d be questioning the direction of my career, not bragging about it.” – I don’t like this b!tch!

Aviva wears a fake leg because she lost her leg in a bad accident. She tells Sonja that a man dumped her when she told him she has a fake leg so she told her current husband about her fake leg on their first date and he thought it was cool! She’s able to talk about hardships without making people squirm. Heather is a different story!

Heather talks about her dad dying “last Friday,” which just confirms that she is batsh!t crazy. Not feeling her. Minutes later she talks about her friend “whose blind.” I’ve never seen a grown a*s woman as inappropriate as Heather before. It’s kind of fascinating.

Ramona and Heather hate each other and trade very passive aggressive insults at Ramona’s house party. Watching their exchanges from my couch was awkward. Next, Heather is at it again! She’s talking to Aviva about her son fighting for his life while at Ramona’s party! Perfect timing. Can’t she afford a therapist?

Sonja accidentally calls her ex-husband her “husband” and Ramona embarrasses Sonja about her mistake in front of everyone at her party.

Things come to an end with Heather, Carole and Aviva meeting up to talk sh!t about Ramona before vowing to “never become mean girls.” It’s too late for that!