I always imagined sex with Lady Gaga to be a surreal, terrifying experience, not unlike that scene with the gimp in Pulp Fiction and now, my worst fears have been confirmed.

The Gaga apparently writes a regular column for V magazine in which she offers women of the world her advice on fashion (HA!) and, apparently, sex acts that are usually favored only by that band geek chick you dated junior year of high school. This week, Stefani shared with us a list of reasons why manicures are underrated. Number two on the list? “You’ll be ready for sex, or to put a penis in your hand.”

First of all, if you needed a manicure in order to put a penis in your hand, every Korean salon in America would be overrun with teenage boys. Second, WTF? Ladies, if you regularly find yourself unprepared to grip a dick the problem is not with your nails. If you work in a coal mine or something, yes, you may wanna scrub up pre-HJ, but otherwise just go with it. The question in your guy’s mind will not be, “What’s up with her nails?” rather, it’ll be more along the lines of, “Am I seriously a grown man getting a hand job right now?”

(Photo: Pacific Coast News)