After nearly a decade of lying low, Monica Lewinsky is planning to re-enter the public eye with a tell-all memoir for which she'll reportedly receive a $12 million advance. Not a bad paycheck for a woman who's smartest business decision was not taking her semen-stained dress to the dry cleaners.
Naturally, no one wants to actually read a full-length book by a woman who's career peaked with an internship, so the tabloids have taken the liberty of summarizing the highlights of Lewinsky's memoir even though, ya know, it hasn't been written yet.
As usual, the Most Outrageous Claim Award goes to The National Enquirer which reported today that Lewinsky was impregnated by then-president Bill Clinton during their affair. The tabloid claims Lewinsky aborted the baby, but I prefer to think Bill's secret love child is about to start banging his way through some unsuspecting American university.
Regardless of what Lewinsky actually reveals in the memoir, she's pretty much got a guaranteed best-seller on her hands. So let that be a lesson to all the young women out there: you can't get rich just by blowing famous and powerful men – you've got to be willing to tell everyone about it, too.