In case you were wondering why New Girl was nominated for 2 Emmy Awards, last night's episodes provided your answer. New Girl season 2 premiered on Fox's new Tuesday last night and the first episode was all about Schmidt's "Rebranding party" to celebrate that his broken penis has been healed and Jess, played by Zooey Deschanel, getting laid off.
Hannah Simone's character Cece has a new boyfriend that Schmidt hates, and the first episode was clearly written to prep us for the fun that was in store on episode 2, which aired at 9p.m., so let's skip to that one.
Jess is "off the grid" as she gets herself drunk at 11a.m. Nick's bar, still in misery over losing her job as a teacher. Unemployed Jess is a good time.
Winston's sister, a professional basketball player, is in town and Schmidt makes it his mission to have sex with her. Winston's mother hates Schmidt and it's all pretty hilarious.
Back at the bar, Nick meets Old Nick, a white-haired man who has the same name, wears the same hoodie and gives Young Nick some words of wisdom about what's in store – he will hurt Jess sometime in the future. Okaaaaaay. And that's why I love the show. Only New Girl could pull this off.
Jess meets a hot guy who thinks that she's a girl named Katie from CupidMatch so she takes full advantage by sleeping with him, all the while meeting another cute guy that she actually likes and a chubby guy who is "in love with" her. This all leads up to a satisfyingly hilarious bathroom scene at the bar.
Jess' CupidMatch guy shows up to her apartment and they proceed to hookup because Katie is a slut, but seriously, Jess is a slut too.
Nick is there for Jess throughout both season 2 premiere episodes, and Schmidt fails at hooking up with Winston's sister and looks like an idiot douche while doing so.