Posts by Snarky

The offers are rushing in for Lindsay Lohan! She didn't hesitate to jump on the big payday from Playboy to show off what shes got, and there's another big offer on the table.

Lindsay is being offered $1 million to have a mold made of her vagina! Adult Entertainment company FleshLight has sent a letter to Lindsay's reps hoping to seal a deal that would allow the company to take a mold of Lindsay's naughty spot, and produce "authentic" Lindsay Lohan vaginas... Er.. Sex toys..

Lindsay hasn't seen the offer yet, but a source speaking with TMZ said, "She would never accept such an offer for any amount of money."

I never thought she would accept an offer to do full nudity for Playboy magazine, but she proved me wrong. It's still early and Lindsay has plenty more money to lose and more arrests to be made. There's still time for Lindsay to hit rock bottom and decide a rubber replica of her vagina is a great idea. Firecrotch Forever!

Photo: WENN

*Snarky - Over and Out*

Kate Middleton had to step up to the royal plate last night as she was given just 24 hours notice that she would be hosting a charity event.... Solo. Kate stood in for her father-in-law Prince Charles for the In Kind Direct charity event.

Kate was apparently "delighted" to host the event, and a St. James Palace spokesman said Kate was "delighted to be able to step in for her father-in-law, The Prince of Wales."

Charity executive chief Robin Boles said they were delighted that "the Duchess was able to step in at such short notice after our founder was unexpectedly called away. The Duchess hosted a very special evening with absolute professionalism and charm."

I don't know about you, but I would be a hot mess if I had to step in and host an event like this. I think I'd be alright after about 6 shots of Patron, but I'm not sure I'd be very coherent.

Photos: Fame

Michael Lohan doesn't let us down. After he allegedly put the smack down on Kate Major because she wouldn't perform oral, he was arrested, released and told not to contact her, but he called her so he was arrested yet again.. Whew!

Now comes the good stuff. Michael was trying to scurry around like a stealth Spiderman before he was arrested last night. According to the police report obtained by Radar Online, Michael initially was seen hiding behind a pillar, but when the cops asked him to come out, he took off up a stairwell. Michael apparently leapt from his balcony and grabbed hold of the roof. As the report says, "He then must have scurried across the roof (about 30 feet) until he thought he was hanging over top of the next balcony. The defendant (Michael) then let go but missed the balcony."

Obviously Michael Spiderman, is just a Spiderpig. The report, which also states Michael had "consumed alcohol and drugs," goes on to say Michael fell 34 feet, landing on top of wooden high chairs, and then hid in some trees directly below where he was apprehended. Michael's mouth was full of blood from where he bit his tongue, and he also injured his foot.

You mean to tell me Mr. Sobriety was f*cked up when all of this happened last night? Is this not the best Michael Lohan story you've ever heard in your life? I'm dying over here!

Photo: WENN

We're just a couple of weeks away from the theater release of Twilight: Breaking Dawn, but lucky for us, little clips and sneak peeks make their way on the Internet before the movie comes out. In this clip, Bella and Edward have already tied the knot and did the honeymoon thing, but she realizes she's late for her period. Looking at her tummy Bella says, "It's impossible... Can this happen?" and shortly after she feels the little monster growing inside. Oh yeah... It's gonna be good!

Breaking Dawn Clip: Bella Is Pregnant!

This craptastic fairytale of drama between the Real Housewives of New Jersey ladies gets more crazy by the day. As you know, the day before they taped the reunion show, the girls went to a fashion event and by the end of the night, everyone was upset, especially Jacqueline Laurita. The fight allegedly involved Teresa Giudice (as usual) trying to out Melissa Gorga's stripper past although she was never a stripper.

It sounded like Jacqueline wanted out of the show as she tweeted, "I can't be part of the charade anymore. It's unsettling. It's disturbing and against what I stand for. I'm a REAL housewife."

Jacqueline called Teresa scum for plotting the stripper story about Melissa and its been ugly ever since. Fast forward to this week and the story that ran in In Touch about Jacqueline's own stripper past!

Apparently that was a story that Jacqueline believes was planted by none other than Teresa. After the story broke, Jacqueline tweeted, "Im bracing myself 4 more joy, I hear Teresa put out 1 more article in In Touch which should be the end of her 7 cover contract. Can't wait."

A source claims that after all of this fighting going on, Jacqueline "will never speak to Teresa again". You know what, somebody needs to throw Teresa and Jacqueline in the Thunder dome and let them cat scratch and hair pull this out!

Photo: WENN

Steven Tyler took a nasty spill in his hotel shower the other night which left his face all jacked up and he broke his teeth. He took this photo of his gorgeous injuries shortly after his bathroom accident.

Steven chatted with Matt Lauer this morning on 'The Today Show' about his accident and reassured fans he didn't relapse, it was a case of Montezuma's revenge aka Traveler's diarrhea.

"Quite frankly I just passed out. I got nauseous, I started to get sick and I fell on my face, I just passed out. I woke up with the water running on me wondering where the hell I was."

In response to people wondering if he's back on drugs, Steven said, "Being in the program I'm in, it's something we have to accept. I went public with my problems only to address them straight on. People thinking I relapsed is natural and normal."

Steven is perfectly fine and rocked the house at his concert in Asuncion, Paraguay last night. He's a trooper!

You can listen to Steven's interview with Matt Lauer after the jump!

Rachel Uchitel earned her 15 minutes of fame when it was revealed that she was one of many women who was humping Tiger Woods while he was married to Elin Nordegren. The dirty ho has cleaned up her act and married former Penn State footballer Matt Hahn earlier this month.

First comes love, second comes marriage and apparently they have a baby in the baby carriage (aka Rachel's uterus). Life & Style is reporting that Rachel found out she's knocked up with Matt's spawn after she took a drug test when she auditioned for The Amazing Race.

A source speaking with the mag says, "They were going to try out to be a couple on the the show, and when she had a drug test, it came back positive that she's pregnant!"

Drug tests also confirm pregnancies? Wow, that's news to me! Congrats to Rachel for getting off the ho train and attempting to be an honest woman. I wonder which will stick out further -- her over-plumped lips or her baby bump? I'm taking the lips on this one.

Michael Lohan is a complete idiot. After getting into a fight with girlfriend Kate Major Tuesday night because she wouldn't give him a blow job, Michael was taken to jail but was released Wednesday afternoon. Michael was told not to contact Kate or even dream about her, but in true Lohan fashion, he didn't listen to authorities and began calling her yesterday.

Kate called the police to inform them that Michael had been calling her and, while the cops were at Kate's apartment after she made the complaint, Michael called her again. Law enforcement believed Michael was a "threat," so they made their way to his hotel to arrest him.

According to TMZ, when cops arrived, Michael tried to escape by jumping his 3rd story balcony but he crashed to the ground and tried to hide in some trees. Once the cops got him out of the trees, Michael was arrested for violating a condition of his pretrial release and resisting arrest without violence.

He's currently in custody at the same jail where he was released just yesterday afternoon. Kate released a statement saying, "He can beat up women but Mr. tough guy who slurred his words calling me 5 times after getting out of jail wasn't too tough by jumping off the 3rd floor balcony into a tree to try to flee from going back to the same jail he just got released from less than 12 hours ago."

Like father, like daughter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree and in this case, it actually got stuck in the tree. Ha! What. A. Dumb@ss.

Photo: WENN

Beyonce must be going for some kind of record for most videos released in a month by a female artist. If I'm not mistaken, this is the third video from Bey this month. In her latest video for 'Party'  featuring J.Cole, Beyonce is whooping it up in the trailer park with her sister Solange playing the DJ and her old Destiny's Child pal Kelly Rowland even makes an appearance. I don't know about you, but I don't think the latest songs released by Beyonce are all that. I love the girl, but she can do better than this! That's just my humble opinion of course.

Beyonce 'Party' Featuring J. Cole

Prince Harry may be royalty and lives the high class lifestyle, but he knows the good stuff when he sees it, just like us. While in California for helicopter training, Prince Harry has lived the simple life like us common folks.

A source revealed to Us Weekly that Prince Harry indulged in some yummy tacos from a food stand outside of a bar while doing some bar hopping. He has also enjoyed a greasy $6.45 bacon and eggs breakfast at Pipes Cafe in Cardiff-by-the-Sea, but the last revelation is the best... Harry did his own shopping at a nearby Walmart and loaded his cart with Coke, pizza, bananas and beer.

If he keeps going this rate, we'll hear about him using his Speedway perks card to score a free 32 oz. drink and a hot dog. Prince Harry is my kind of people!

Photo: WENN