Assholes News

Michael Lohan has released yet another tape to prove how f*cked up Lindsay is and believes by doing so she may wake up out of her drug induced slumber and decide she needs to go to rehab. How can you call yourself a good father when you're airing all of your daughters dirty laundry? This is like brown streaks in your underwear type of dirty laundry.

This time the taped conversation is with Dina Lohan explaining what a hot mess Lindsay has become. Dina has been lashing out at Michael for thinking Lindsay needs an intervention, yet momma Lohan says she tried to do one herself but failed.

"You don't even know what I went through trying to get her into, like, rehab and stuff. She'd punch me in the face, threw me out of the car  like you don't know the [expletive] I went through trying to get her an intervention by myself. It was very difficult."

Punched her own mother in the face and threw her out of the car? What a piece of sh*t daughter! Well, they're all a piece of poop, but to slap your mother around is unacceptable.

Lindsay posted a response to the latest taped conversation on Twitter and says her mother blamed herself for staying with Michael for so long and she begged her mother not to leave because Michael "always threatened to kill her if she did." Michael says Linds is full of crap and he's going to release more tapes to prove what a liar Lindsay is.

Lindsay Lohan is a spoiled brat who thinks she knows everything there is to know about life and believes she has her drug use under control. I give Lindsay three years before she's found dead in a hotel room from a drug overdose.

Michael Lohan is telling everyone that he's staging an intervention for Lindsay Lohan because he wants her to enter rehab -as if that worked the three other times?!

Michael is so adamant about "helping" Lindsay, that he has released an audio tape that is supposed to prove what a train wreck addict she is.

Lindsay and Dina Lohan called Mikey and he recorded the calls and sold them to Radaronline.

Lindsay is heard saying, “Mommy says that I’m worse than you were.And she’s defending…She doesn’t back me…she doesn’t stand by me.” Lindsay was throwing herself a pity party. “No one cares about me. They don’t, by the way. It’s about how they feel, not how I feel...”

Michael Lohan is so severely mentally disturbed, he's completely unaware of how vile he is. He probably actually believes that he's doing this for Lindsay's own good. He forgets that he's hurting her and himself in the process. Fame is his drug. Papa Lohan's breed of narcissist is similar to those who've committed some of the most heinous acts in history. No exaggeration. He just gets worse.

I wish he had a stalker who threatened to kill him if he doesn't STFU. Ryan Seacrest's stalker really went after the wrong fame whore.

Michael Lohan is always talking to the press about Lindsay Lohan. His estranged daughter is currently trying to get a restraining order against him for California, cause he often shows up to her Los Angeles home unannounced.

Michael Lohan told the NY Post's Page Six,

"She's a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old."

Although I agree with what Michael said about Lindsay, I'm free to do so. I'm not her parent. The last thing he should do is say that his young daughter looks nearly four times her age. Lindsay has battled an eating disorder for the past few years, she's injected her lips with collagen, spray tans her skin constantly, changes her hair extensions like every hour,... She's insecure and Papa Lohan isn't helping.

Mike isn't a panty creamer himself! Lindsay may look 100, but Michael acts like he's four.

Chris Brown posted a montage video from his Twitter page that has led some bloggers to believe that he must really be missing Rihanna and wants her back.

The video has CB's song "The Way We Used to Be" playing in the background, and Chris and Rihanna look very happy in love throughout the footage. One of the cutest pictures ever is also used as the final shot in the video, which makes you say 'awwww!'

But Chris s a slut who hits on every woman within a one-mile radius. He misses his money more than he misses Rihanna, and this slick move is PR gold. The video is really cute! Check it.

Womanizing abusive singer Chris Brown has released a new song titled 'Crawl' which is all about winning Rihanna back. Coincidence? I think not.

With lyrics such as "Everybody sees it's you. I'm the one that lost the view. Everybody says we're through, I hope you hadn't said it too" Chris makes a pathetic plea to win Rihanna back. Get over it Chris, you beat her *ss enough the first time around!

Which brings me to the lyric "I always felt the need for space, but now I can't reach your face. So where are you standing now? Are you in the crowd of my vouch.  Love, can you see my hand? I need one more chance, we can still have it all". You probably shouldn't mention anything about your hand and reaching her face in a song to win her back. That probably gives Rihanna flashbacks to the smack down you inflicted on her earlier this year!

Stephanie Santoro is the plain jane former nanny who said that she sexed Jon Gosselin nine times. In an incriminating video interview, Stephanie said that Jon told her he hacks into Kate's email, phone and online bank records.

Kate Gosselin's law firm issued the following statement yesterday:

"Ms. Gosselin is carefully considering all of her legal options regarding this matter, and she will pursue them if and when the time is right."

Stephanie claims that Jon bragged that he has a copy of all of Kate's emails and would use them against her. I think Jon needs to go back to school cause he has so much to learn about, like, laws and stuff.

Jessica Simpson isn't going to sit around and allow people like the folks at Fox NFL Sunday make fun of her. Jess did what every self respecting strong woman does when somebody makes fun of their weight...Give the holy smack down! She jumped on the producers of Fox with an atomic elbow, put them in a full nelson and made them cry mercy like p*ssies!

Not really, but it would have been exciting if that's how it went down. All Jessica really did was send a short message on Twitter in response to the harsh cartoon.

"i will never understand why people attack for a laugh.own your beauty and don't listen to the judgement."

See my idea was a bit more interesting. I dig Jessica's response, but she obviously did listen to the judgement or she wouldn't have tweeted that message. Seriously, I get what she's saying and she's right, own it b*tches, own it!

The Fox NFL Sunday crew apparently thought it was okay to pick on Jessica Simpson's weight in the cartoon that aired on Sunday. Jessica Simpson needs to throw on her cowboy boots and kick some old retired football player *ss! Why? Because they are old and half crippled because they've blown the cartilage in their knees. I know they didn't make the cartoon themselves, but I wanted to throw them in the mix too. 

Jabs are taken at Jessica such as Marion Barber saying "Man, I still can’t believe Tony [Romo] dated Jessica Simpson, even AFTER she blew up bigger than Flozell Adams!" Even head coach Wade Phillips threw his two cents in as he asks Tony: "Say Tony, is Jessica around? We could use a defensive tackle!"

Fox is now back pedaling on the cartoon and have released a statement apologizing for their animated creation.

"Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended."

I won't be surprised if Papa Joe Simpson crawls out of the woodwork to make a statement about this.

What happens when you're a famous singer who released an autobiography and you show up to do a book signing for your fans? You get slapped in the face!

Leona Lewis was appearing for a book signing in Piccadilly, London when an a**hole fan punched her in the head. Witnesses say the man walked up to Lewis, asked her to sign his book, "she signed it and, as she looked up, he just punched her." The guy apparently thought the whole incident was pretty humorous.

"She was running out with her hand over her eye and I just saw a man on the floor. Suddenly the security all jumped on him and they were trying to pull him out and he was just laughing, he thought it was funny."

They should let her make a visit to him in jail with his hands tied behind his back, feet shackled, mouth duct taped, and she should just beat the sh*t out of him!

Jon Gosselin withdrew $232k out of his joint bank account with Kate Gosselin, then appeared on various shows claiming that his bank statements prove otherwise and that he doesn't want to reveal the truth and "embarrass Kate."

But the man whore has embarrassed himself and a Pennsylvania judge ordered him to return $180k to the joint bank account he shares with estranged wife Kate Gosselin.

Kate's lawyer said,

"The remaining sum of $55,000, which Ms. Gosselin used for household bills and expenses relating to the children, will be subject to further determination by the arbitrator at a later date."

Kate also said that she's "pleased" that the Court "ruled fairly on behalf of myself and my children" and that she intends to return to private arbitration to resolve any remaining issues.

Jon must pay up by Oct. 26 or he may face potential contempt charges. Kate must also detail her expenses by the same date.

I wanted to believe that Jon didn't take all that money. I just didn't think that he could possibly be dumber than he's perceived to be, but he fooled me.