I don't know about y'all, but I would like to know what a Vatican assassin rockstar from Mars is like in bed. Furthermore, Charlie Sheen is a connoisseur of porn, and pornos can be very educational, so he's bound to give you a bitchin' good time. Plus whenever he's hitting it right, and if you like to give pointers in bed, you never have to say things like "Baby don't stop" or "That feels good." Nope. The only thing you ever need to say is "WINNING!"
But on a serious note, Charlie Sheen used to actually be quite dapper. He isn't gorgeous, there was just something overtly sexy about him. Oh ya, I think it was his face.
But now that we know the man is legally insane, we also know that he is HIGHlarious! Sheen is the life of the party because, well, he is the damn party.
Charlie smokes cigarettes like a fish, basically ate several grams of cocaine for years, and has dipped his stick in many a hooker; it's surprising that one of his testicles hasn't detached itself and ran for its life while a passed out Sheen slept in an upscale hotel room. We "can't process his brain," or his resilience, and Sheen's invincible nature is kind of hot.
Charlie's head of hair also remains full while some men lose theirs around 23, or younger. There's some kind of fountain of douche from which he drinks from and he thrives upon its resources. His voice is shot, but he doesn't look too aged whenever he's cleaned up.
Married three times but currently legally "single," judging by the outdated slang he uses, Charles is stuck in the '90s. You can throw out the anti-wrinkle cream, ladies, cause Chuck will make you feel young again. Additionally, he has tiger jizz - the man has undeniable attributes! For all of these reasons we've made Charlie Sheen this week's Because He's Hot Guy. Duh, Happy April Fool's Day.












































































































