The Sheenius is returning to TV! The FX network has reached a deal to air the first season of Charlie Sheen's sitcom Anger Management, based on the 2003 Adam Sandler/Jack Nicholson film of the same name.

The show will air ten episodes beginning next summer, and is said to feature Sheen as a short-tempered psychiatrist, based on Nicholson's character in the movie. No word yet on what kind of money Charlie stands to make from the deal, but his paychecks will no doubt be considerably smaller than the massive, record-breaking ones he used to receive from CBS. But don't feel too bad for the tiger-blooded warlock. If the show's a hit, he should soon be able to purchase a new pair of goddesses.

(Photo: WENN)

My favorite Vatican assassin warlock is a liar. Charlie Sheen threw a viewing party for the premiere episode of "Two and a Half Men" with Ashton Kutcher, and unlike most people on the Internet, the Sheenius thinks that Ashton was good.

Charlie told Access Hollywood: "I think everybody won. I thought the show was really good. I thought [Ashton] was terrific."

Sheen also called his former co-star Jon Cryer a "freaking genius." Hmmm. Let the a*s kissing continue? Charlie even had a viewing party and he tweeted a photo of himself, watching the show, with the following caption: "Surrounded by friends and watching the premier [sic] of Two and a Half Men. Odd... But cool..! So far a lot of laughs!! Nice..."

Jon Cryer, the maid, and the mother on Two and a Half Men have always been the hilarious ones. Jon Cryer now has to bring all of the comedy because Ashton sucks, even his character's name sucks. Walden Schmidt? Sounds like a loser to me! I'll be tuning in tonight to see if Kutcher is any better. If watching Ashton doesn't turn me on tonight, I'mma have to stop watching. You hear that CBS?!

Charlie Sheen gave the world enough material to roast him for the next few years, so fans and haters naturally wanted to tune in to see comedians and random celebrities roast him on Comedy Central. Charlie promoted the episode tirelessly online, and it looks like his tweets have paid off. Sheen's roast pulled 6.4 million viewers and got more than 450,000 mentions on social media sites - more than 2x the amount of Two and a Half Men and Dancing With the Stars.

"I am done with winning because I have already won," Sheen, 46, said. "I did porn stars, I did drugs, I had my own TV show and then I did what all the people in America wish they could do: I told my boss to f**k off."

Charlie said that he also realized how lucky he is and that after all the madness, "I still have a family that loves me." Fans apparently still love the Sheenius too! His tour was fairly successful, at least initially it was, his roast was successful, he's getting $125 million from his former bosses, and he has a new show lined up.

One thing that no one could ever say about Two and a Half Men character Charlie Harper is that he lacked confidence. Ashton Kutcher, known for his comedic performance and marrying a cougar, was expected to bring the laughs to the popular CBS phenomenon known as "Two and a Half Men," but shockingly, Ashton sucked. Like, really sucked. Ashton appeared to be sedated the entire episode and we don't know if his nonchalant demeanor and delivery was scripted, or if he was nervous, or if he should just retire and stick to full-time tweeting.

Two and a Half Men producers and writers took their revenge out on paper, making a mockery of Sheen's character. At Charlie Harper's funeral ex-girlfriends and jumpoffs were in attendance talking about the STDs that Harper gave them. A drug dealer showed up to collect the money Charlie owes him, and Jenny McCarthy said she only attended the funeral to spit on Charlie. OUCH!

After the funeral, Charlie's brother Allan received his ashes, only to spill them all over the floor. DAMN, some folks at CBS really hate the Sheenius.

Ashton finally appeared, playing a suicidal billionaire named Walden Schmidt who tried to kill himself before realizing the water in the ocean was too cold for drowning. For being a man with $1.3 billion, Walden was stupid as hell. Ashton, who is known for his humor, energy and charm, appeared to be sleep walking around the set.

During two scenes of the premiere, Kutcher walked around Charlie's house naked men because naked men are supposed to be funny? Not so much. Walden is a complete 180 from cocky womanizer Charlie Harper, and the show's writers are not capitalizing on Kutcher's abilities. We thought he was going to be funny! He's actually good at being funny, so WTF?!

I'll tune into another episode or two to see if things get better, but it seems that last night's audience was left unanimously shocked. Aren't season premieres like opening weekend at the box office? A strong first impression motivates fans to promote projects via word of mouth. Sigh. Charlie Sheen had predicted the show would bomb without him.

The tiger-blooded warlock known to us mortals as Charlie Sheen had a night of wild ups and downs befitting a Vatican assassin.

First, the season premiere of Two and a Half Men saw Sheen's sitcom alter-ego unceremoniously killed off. Later in the night, Charlie was simultaneously celebrated and verbally castrated on the Comedy Central roast in his honor. Highlights included this zinger from Jon Lovitz: "How much coke can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men!" Buh-dum-ching!

But Sheen ended the night the way he always does - Winning! Sources tell TMZ that Chuck has reached a settlement with Warner Bros. and is set to receive $25 million in two weeks as back pay for work that he's already performed. Better yet, the show's syndication deals should net Sheen an estimated $100 million over the next ten years, according to the terms of the settlement. Not bad for a guy who spent much of the past year in the most epic career meltdown in showbiz history.

So, in the end it looks like the last laugh may belong to the Sheenius. 100 mill can buy an awful lot of goddesses.

Last week Charlie Sheen told Matt Lauer that "I would have fired my ass," but it seems that Sheen is truly humbled by his public breakdown and he can't seem to get over it. After Charlie discovered that he had been replaced by Ashton Kutcher, he posted some angry tweets and then later wished Kutcher the best.

When the Sheenius took the stage at last night's Emmy Awards, he said that he wanted to "take a moment to get something off my chest" and proceeded to thank the Two and a Half Men crew for "eight wonderful years together." Enough already! Or so we thought. Charlie then went backstage where he was "Giving Ashton advice" on his new gig and posting photos of their exchange on Twitter.

Sheen, 46, shook hands with a visibly nervous Kutcher, 33 -- and then Tweeted about it, naturally.

"Giving the new kid a little advice!" he wrote, then direct-messaging fellow microblogger Kutcher. "[G]reat talking to you! We'll all be watching! Make us proud!"

Charlie, LET IT GO! Ashton doesn't need your tiger blood and you're reminding everyone of how stupid you were. Ashton doesn't give a f*ck. He's reportedly doing a phenomenal job on "Two and a Half Men" and the audience is eating it up. Something tells me this isn't the last we'll hear of Charlie talking about "Two and a Half Men."

Photo: Twitter

Charlie Sheen lived his life like a carefree, reckless sex addict maniac the past year, but the fired "Two and a Half Men" star says that was all in the past. Charlie did an interview with Matt Lauer for the Today Show, which airs this Friday, where he explains what went wrong and what is currently going right for him.

On the past year: I don't really know what happened. It was one of those things where the planets were aligned, perfectly or imperfectly. I said some stuff and then it caught such traction globally and instantly that I couldn't really put out the fire.

On all of the chaos and hype: From one moment to the next, I didn't know what was going to happen. It was pretty exciting.

On whether or not he regrets his unstable public behavior: Looking back on it, I don't think I would trade it, but there are portions of it I would have amended a little bit. I don't know, the tiger blood [thing], it was so silly and people took it so seriously and I figured, alright, I'll continue to give the people what they want, you know?

Sheen says that he doesn't keep track of how long he's been sober for, but "it's been awhile." He says that he's made peace with Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller and is seeing his kids "a lot more."

"I'm just trying to move forward and prioritize what matters. I think that’s where the life is, you know, it's in those quiet moments. It's not the giant TV deal or the big party or the award or whatever, it's the memory of your child’s smile at the end of the day that sort of brings that one lonesome tear, you know?"

I knew he could do it! I was hoping Charlie would prove his haters wrong. Congrats!

We've already found out that Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men character will be killed off, but now we've learned that a funeral for Charlie Harper will take place on the show's September 19th premiere.

Deadline.com claims that one of Harper's ex-girlfriends will return to remember him. His Malibu beach house will be put on the market, which Ashton Kutcher is rumored to be purchasing on the show.

Celebrity cameos will play a part in the episode, with stars appearing as potential buyers of Harper's old digs.

Audience members and staff have signed non-disclosure agreements to keep the details under wraps.

How exactly does Harper die? Do you think Charlie's enemy Chuck Lorre had fun with that one? We'll find out soon.

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller might be the two biggest hot mess parents in Hollywood history. However, they seem to think that spending time together is a good idea for the sake of their kids. This should end well.

Never mind that the whole Charlie Sheen media sh!t storm began when Chuckles was arrested for holding a knife to Brooke's throat last Christmas, and that Brooke is currently so effed up she's considering illegal hallucinogens to help her get off drugs. On Sunday, Chuck, Brooke, and their twin 2 year-old sons, Bob and Max, looked like a normal, happy family.

"Harmony is our goal," Sheen told TMZ about the visit. "Sunday was a wonderful start." Sheen also announced that he's looking to help Brooke find a home in his neighborhood when she finishes her latest round of treatment. Could the tiger-blooded warlock finally be turning things around? Or will he ditch his new family man lifestyle the second he comes across a new goddess or crack rock?

(Photo: TMZ)

Charlie Sheen wants the mother of his twin sons to get off of drugs so badly, he's paying for the trainwreck to go to rehab for like the 14th time, literally.

Charlie didn't like the idea of Brooke going to Mexico to take a dangerous drug used to curb drug cravings, so he flew to Mexico in a private jet and brought Brooke Mueller back to the States. That's so sweet! Something about a man flying on a private jet is romantical cause it means he has good money.

Brooke was only south of the border for 12 hours before Charlie scooped her up. Charlie decided to bring back his own team of doctors -- the ones he used a few months back when the "Two and a Half Men" people wanted him to get treatment.

Brooke is receiving treatment at an undisclosed location and Sheen is paying for everything.

Photo: Fame