Apparently, Christina Aguilera divorced Jordan Bratman so that she could live out her lifelong dream of becoming a frat boy. All she wants to do is get wasted and bang chicks!

Seen here drunk as a mofo on Halloween, Christina has apparently been seeing a lot of Samantha Ronson lately. By which I mean, she's been seeing her frequently AND she's been seeing her boobies. At first I thought there was no way the Sam Ronson rumors were true. It sounded a little too perfect: Christina Aguilera dumps her husband for Lindsay Lohan's fugly ex-girlfriend? It just sounds like BS. The thing is, people keep talking about it and no one's come forward to deny it...

In fact, London paper The Sun published some choice quotes from a friend of Sam's who quoted the DJ as saying, "Sam said she had a threesome with Xtina in Mexico last month, that's when she realized she was a 'hot piece of @ss.' Sam said Xtina is 'horny as a college freshman.'"

Well, if you can get over how annoying it is that dude keeps calling her "Xtina," that's a pretty amazing quote. What's the deal with Sam Ronson? Is she a friggin' vampire? She looks like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, but she hits hotter celeb ass than anyone. When is she gonna publish a book to let dudes in on the secret of having hot Mexican threesomes with horny, recently-divorced MILFS? Obviously, Sam can use those nimble fingers of hers for more than just spinning records.

Christina Aguilera's husband of five years, Jordan Bratman, doesn't want to GTFO. Christina and Jordan separated a month and a half ago, according to divorce papers that Ms. Aguilera filed, but he's not going anywhere.

Jordan refuses to move out of their mansion, so Xtina has moved into a hotel! Hollyscoop reports, "She's living out of a suitcase. Things have gotten tense between them."

But it's not all "tears and sadness" for the talented singer. She performed at Justin Timberlake's charity concert in Las Vegas last weekend and she partied it up with her backup dancers and close friends at TAO nightclub til 3 AM.

Can you imagine how much sexing diiiiiirty girl Christina is going to be doing now or whenever she gets over the albino monkey she's been banging for years? It sucks that Jordan is all bitter, but you can't blame him. He knows that no woman can compete with Christina and he must be going through a lot. Meanwhile Christina didn't wait on Jordy to move out and she has a place that she can bring random chicks back to. Xtina's hotel room may have turned into Rock of Love bus, minus the wheels.

So, no one's coming right out and saying that domestic violence might have been the cause for Christina Aguilera's split from Jordan Bratman, but when someone is rushed to the hospital for a banged-up face just days before they announce their divorce, it's hard not to put two and two together.

The above photo was taken October 12, the day Christina announced she was separating from Jordan, and you can kinda, sorta make out what appears to be a bruise on her chin. A witness says that Christina was also sporting "bumps and red bruises" and a bloody lip. Just two nights earlier, Jordan is said to have rushed her to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in the middle of the night.

I understand how this looks and the angle most people will play in reporting it, but I don't think Jordan's a wife-beater. Christina doesn't seem like the type to get smacked around and then calmly announce her divorce two days later. I can't see her making statements about what a great guy her ex is while still rocking the bruises he gave her on her face. The Jordan/Christina split seemed like it was a long time coming and had a lot of different causes (like the fact that he looks like something that lives underground), but I don't think abuse was one of them.

Christina Aguilera spoke with Redbook about dealing with the divorce, and getting through each day. Although she's opening up about it, she still won't say what led to her split with Jordan Bratman.

“It’s not easy, and there have been a lot of tears and sadness,” she said. “It’s impossible to redefine yourself and your life overnight. Thankfully, I have my mom and a small group of close friends who are there for me 24/7 and whom I can trust and depend on. On days when it feels impossible to even get out of bed, much less function as a mother, their support and encouragement have kept me moving forward.”

Or, as it's called in Hollywood, a marriage. Yep, to the surprise of no one who's ever actually seen her husband, Christina Aguilera was very interested in the idea of sex with someone who wasn't the proud owner of a jowl-hiding beard, even while she was still married.

Specifically, sources say that during her marriage to Jordan Bratman Christina was really into chicks. And from the sound of it, she was mad lazy about it.

"I was at the Abbey one night when Christina's bodyguard approached me," some random chick told Radar Online. "He said, 'My boss would really like you and pointed to Christina. I met Christina in the bathroom and she said she liked to play with girls. I ended up not pursuing anything because the situation seemed weird to me, but Christina was definitely looking to hook up."

"The situation seeemed weird to me"? Ya think? Nah, usually when I go out, some celebrity corners me in the bathroom and comes out of the closet. Happens to everybody!

Apparently, there are a lot of girls with similar stories floating around Hollywood, and according to a few of them, Christina claimed to have an "open marriage." Which, of course, in Hollywood just means "I like to cheat on my spouse, but it's OK because I gave it a weird hippie name." Open marriages are always a good idea. Look how well it worked for Courtney Cox and David Arquette! Maybe things finally went downhill when Jordan realized his wife is bringing home all kinds of high-class trim and he still looks like something that lives underground. Jealousy's a b!tch.

I think it's sad that now that Christina Aguilera has filed for divorce, everyone continues to make fun of her husband's looks, saying "of course" she cheated and "finally" filed for divorce.

Sources connected with the couple tell TMZ the marriage fell apart after Aguilera allegedly cheated on Bratman. Aguilera's side refused comment.

You will never see Jordan in the pages of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, but my issue with Jordan's "looks" is that he looks like he goes dumpster diving for outfits. Jordan managed to hook one of the hottest women in the music industry and he was always a few dozen pounds overweight, never shaved his thick beard, and he dressed like his bank account only has two digits in it.

Meanwhile Xtina puts on eight layers of makeup, keeps her hair platinum blonde, wears sexy outfits, and does everything she can to make sure she's not frumpy. A good hairstyle and better clothes could go a long way on Jordan and just about everyone. I blame Christina, too, cause whenever I'm with someone sexy, I can't wait to go shopping! I like buying my guy's clothes and I've bought about 90% of my dad's entire wardrobe. I'm so familiar with men's sizes now that I can look at someone and be like, 'You look like a 32 x 34' and I'm usually right or I'm real close, which is a weird impressive way of hitting on someone.

Xtina may be the hottest woman Jordan will ever be with. It's makeover time boy!

Christina Aguilera filed for divorce from Jordan Bratman today after five years of marriage citing "irreconcilable differences." Radar reports the couple had a prenup and in court documents, Christina has requested the court to confirm “miscellaneous jewelry and other personal effects” as well as her “earnings and accumulations....before marriage , during marriage and from and after the date of separation” be deemed separate property. The documents also show the couple officially separated on September 11, 2010.

She is also asking for joint legal and physical custody of their son max, and seeks to terminate Jordan's ability to get child support. While confirming the divorce rumors earlier this week, Christina made it clear that even though she and Jordan are splitting up, they'll keep their focus on their little man Max.

"Although Jordan and I are separated, our commitment to our son Max remains as strong as ever."

I never saw where the affection for Jordan stemmed from, cause it's definitely not in his looks. But as they say, love is blind. He must've been a stallion in bed!

In other news: Christina Aguilera has re-gained her eyesight after years of blindness. Yes, X-tina has finally decided to part ways with her jowly nerd of a husband Jordan Bratman, prompting the rest of the world to respond with a mass, "'bout friggin' time."

According to reports, the couple, married since 2005, have been living apart for months now, but just went public with their split today. No word yet on the cause of the separation, but one of those "anonymous sources" everyone loves so much claims that "over the last six months, it became clear they were more like friends than husband and wife." My guess is no one told Christina that even after she cranked out a kid, she'd still have to kiss on that mopey bearded mug and pretend she was attracted to it.

The couple have a 2 year-old son together and are said to be united in putting his needs first. All kidding aside, Christina's no Britney. She's always seemed pretty grounded and mature. I'm sure these two can get their split-up on without effing up their son too badly.

The Daily Mail UK wrote an article about how Christina Aguilera has "piled on the pounds," and she clearly has. Her yo-yo dieting is out of control and now she comes in dark orange. When she got thick years ago, she went and dyed her hair jet black. Now that she's gained weight in late 2010, she's gone for the face paint. Hey gurl, we can still see that you're thicker.

Only in June the 29-year-old mother of one was was pictured and was in great shape. And back in January she was even skinnier. But over the past few months the star has ballooned. She now has a much curvier physique and fuller face, appearing to be the heaviest she's ever been, barring her pregnancy in 2008.

It took Christina four months to lose the 40lbs she gained when she got pregnant.

Certain women like Jessica Simpson are trying to make their bodies be things it doesn't want to be, especially without their hard work. Meanwhile Christina makes herself look like she's going to a Jersey Shore audition to distract us. Wearing all black works better boo.

I've heard mixed reviews for Christina Aguilera's new album Bionic, but I'm loving this song! This is the video for 'You Lost Me,' which is a tune about being cheated on. You can count on angry cheated on women around the world downloading this tune and playing it over and over for their ex that chose to shove his stick in another chick's wet spot. Christina looks amazing in the video, and she even shows off her acting skills by becoming emotional and shedding fake tears. Fake or not, I dig this song and the simplicity of the video too.