Some jokes just write themselves. Ready for this one? Lindsay Lohan is supposedly trying to get sober. If that's not funny enough, check this out: she's supposedly asked from help from none other than the living crack rock - Courtney Love. That is, of course, if you believe Courtney Love's story.

The former Mrs. Cobain recently told Details that she's assigned herself the role of Lindsay's sobriety coach "because nobody else will." Despite the fact that she recently exposed her breasts to thousands of concertgoers for no reason, Love claims that she's been sober since 2005. For that reason alone, she's apparently now qualified to help other crackheaded celebrities stay sober and out of jail. And it seems she's decided to challenge herself by taking on the toughest case in Hollywood.

Courtney summarized her counseling sessions by saying, "I'm like 'Lindsay, look! Drugs are bad!'" Brilliant insight, and one that we're sure no one ever shared with Lindsay before. Still, we can't help but think that showing Linds her what her bleached-blonde, bloody-nosed future looks like won't be enough to get her to kick her many habits. Hell, being forced to regularly spend time with Courtney Love would drive anyone to use.

(Photos: WENN)

Courtney Love tells New York Magazine that she took a trip to Minneapolis "to f*ck Billy Corgan," but Kurt Cobain's penis came out on top. Bad pun intended.

It all went down at a Days Inn in Chicago. After they had sex, Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video came on.

"I pulled away from him, because it was his video, his moment, he was the king of the f**king world, and he put his arm around me and pulled me closer. Which was symbolic, like, “I’m letting you into my life. That really endeared him to me.” That is actually really sweet of Kurt!

But it wasn't Cobain's boxers that Courtney was trying to get into. “I’d flown there to f**k Billy Corgan, who still had lots of hair. I didn’t even know Nirvana were playing that night,” she explained.

Not only does Courtney take us back to a time when MTV played music videos, she also lets us know that she wanted to f*ck Billy because he didn't always look like a light bulb. Awww, the glory days!

Photo: Fame

Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love's daughter Frances Bean Cobain, 18, lost her father when she was 20 months old. She's spent most of her childhood living quietly in Southern California, and has avoided making herself the center of controversy, unlike her mother who has fought with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Francis shocked many when she threw a suicide-themed Sweet 16 birthday party at Hollywood's House of Blues, which Courtney paid for. Then just weeks later, Frances was featured in Elle magazine where she was photographed wearing Kurt's pajamas, the same ones he wore when he married Court.

Thus far, Frances hasn't made a mess of herself.

I've always thought that Frances completely looks like Courtney sometimes while strongly resembling Kurt other times. An NBC writer may have put it best saying: "She has her dad's striking wide, blue eyes and her mother's lips and cheekbones."

Frances will turn 19 on August 18. Time flies! Fashion designer Hedi Slimane made Frances his muse for an unknown project. These photos of his are gorgeous! She looks beautiful.

After years, if not decades, of drug and alcohol abuse, Courtney Love has been saying that she's sober now. Kurt Cobain's former wife spoke to Rolling Stone magazine about Amy Winehouse.

Courtney understood where Amy was coming from. Love said that it's not easy to see your private life and personal struggles become daily fodder for the public. "We are sensitive, and people around us take advantage of that. It is fucking pain every day and every night," Courtney said.

Courtney refuses to state the obvious, but she does anyway, when talking about what could have been.

"I'm not even going to say, 'Waste of glorious sublime talent,' which I feel. I'm fucking gutted. I tried with her, I tried twice."

Clearly shaken by the death of a kindred spirit, Love summed up her feelings simply: "It's so awful."

Was Courtney "clearly shaken," or did she pause to for a bump? Just saying. You can send all hate mail to poponthepop AT gmail DOT com

Photos: Wenn

Singer, human drug sponge and endless fountain of crazy-talk Courtney Love took to Twitter this week in an effort to win back her estranged 18-year old daughter, Frances Bean.

Unfortunately, in Courtney Land, trying to win someone back means accusing them of "trying to ruin (your) personal life" and using phrases like "amoral c-word" (she didn't really say "c-word").

Here are some of the highlights from Courtney's posts over the past week. Get ready for typos!

"and you know its not exactly a turn on to anyones kid what you've done and its all so f*cking UN necessary i just assumed no kin ofmine"

"no kin of who despised yoru grandmother would "go where the money is" shocked"

"beyond the obvipus heartache why are you trying to desperatly to ruin my life and reputation."

Oh, Courtney. We missed you, you crazy crackhead. However, your daughter obviously doesn't feel the same and it seems like she actually has a chance to turn out OK, so leave her the eff alone.

Thankfully, Frances has yet to respond her mom's tirade. Guess we know who the mature one is in this relationship!

If you're like me, you stopped paying attention to Vh1 around the time it became a 24-hour dating service for washed up quasi-celebs like Flavor Flav and Tila Tequila.

You may wanna give the former mom-rock network a second chance, however, because the Courtney Love "Behind the Music," which premiered a few nights ago (and will no doubt air roughly 57,000 times during July, in keeping with the network's staunch commitment to original programming), is a shiny nugget of pure trashy gold.

There are too many highlights to post here, because the Love Child is a bottomless pit of crazy, with no qualms about spewing her weird, self-pitying BS all over anyone who will stand in front of her long enough. The best part for me, though, had to be Courtney's revelation of how she used to snap her druggy hubby, Kurt Cobain, out of his smack-induced stupors:

"He'd pass out and seek oblivion and I'd have to f***ing slap him and put pins in his balls and put ice cubes everywhere and it started to p**s me off... I started resenting that; I didn't like being a nursemaid."

Yes, being Love means never having to say you're sorry - unless, of course you stab someone in the balls. I mean, yeah, having a husband who routinely lapses into heroin comas would be annoying, but ya know what else would be annoying? - being repeatedly stabbed in the testicles with a needle!

Anyway, Courtney's Behind the Music special ends as they all do, with a bunch of crap about her ensuing comeback that makes it sound like she's an inspiration to all of us.

Really, though it's just a damn sad story and the real tragedy is that the human pin cushion and the walking venereal disease had a kid together who is now a teenager and probably just beginning to figure out what a messed up pair her parents were. Here's hoping Francis Bean can keep her distance from her herpes sore of a mother and find a way to escape the cycle of train wreck-ness.

I love Courtney Love because I love her music. She also entertains whether onstage or off because she's not afraid to go there, or anywhere, because this woman speaks the truth. This gem of a quote came out last week from one of Courtney's most recent interviews. Court says that unattractive chicks are better in bed than the pretty ones.

"I'm better because I was never pretty. Pretty girls just lie there. Us girls who grew up a little more homely have to try a lot harder. That's why pretty girls never threaten me, it's like, yeah, you want to take me on? Take me on. Go for it."

I could not. Agree. More. That being said, I know a lot of men who wouldn't touch Courtney with a 10-foot pole, but confidence goes A LONG WAY! Many of the most beautiful women face two dilemmas: Men assume that they're taken, or they're painfully insecure because they feel like they're under the microscope cause they're so stunning.

I've tried to coax some friends into being more outgoing, but they just can't do it. I don't have the fear of rejection gene, and I just don't care if I'm someone's type or not because I'm confident. Unlike some chicks who get offended when some guy doesn't find 'em hot, I know that I'm not supposed to be everyone's type, that's crazy.

Take Britney Spears, for example. She hits the streets looking tore up in every which way, but she can get hot and sexy when she needs to. Britney is confident and comfortable in her own skin and that's beautiful. Then there are chicks like Christina Aguilera and Kim Kardashian who won't leave their house unless they're drenched in face paint, extensions, and glammed up. Who do you think's more confident, may have more personality, and could possibly be a better lay? Britney, b*tch!

Courtney has had relationships with some of the hottest men in Hollywood, like Gavin Rossdale when he used to be hot, and that's yet another reason why I love this fierce b*tch. She knows how to work it.

Courtney Love has no filter and no problem saying what's on her mind. She's not one to keep secrets and during the Howard Stern show yesterday morning, she revealed she had an eight month affair with Gwen Stefani's husband Gavin Rossdale.

Courtney says she and Gavin had a really good time together and had a "vision of marrying Gavin Rossdale one time ... We were like, 'Let's go spend our rock star money!'"

She apparently caught heat from pals because they thought Gavin was too much like her late husband Kurt Cobain. She says Gavin got good in bed, and said "Maybe Gwen taught him, for all I know." This perked Howard's ears, and he pushed for more information on the affair. Stern then asked her, "You were [having sex] him while he was with Gwen Stefani?"

Stern continued: "You mean he was having sex with you while he was with her?"

"Everyone ... yeah ... and a few other people," Love said. "We didn't have a lot of pressure on each other, but we did like each other quite a bit."

This must have happened early on in Gavin's relationship with Gwen, and they probably had their own f*ck buddies that they still hung out with. I can't believe he would sleep with Gwen's hot a** while he was banging Courtney Love? That's like driving a Porsche and downgrading to an El Camino. What's wrong with people?

Courtney Love spoke with The Canadian Press, shooting down rumors that she wants Robert Pattinson to play Kurt Cobain. Like myself, Courtney thinks that Patsy isn't the right fit.

Courtney said "Isn't that so stupid, who would cast him? That's just wrong, no offense." I watched the Twilight stuff very, very recently and I get it, it resonates with the teenaged girl in me, I understand epic love of that nature; I write about it all the time, but isn't that silly?"

Yep, it is silly. Courtney said she'd pick Ryan Gosling or Scottish actor James McAvoy instead. They're both better choices. Courtney also says that she wants to approve the casting and the script. Even better than Ryan or James would be an unknown, like they chose for the Notorious B.I.G.'s biopic. Unknowns are the most believable.

Courtney Love may have lost custody of her daughter Frances Bean Cobain, but she says that Ke$sha makes her "go all maternal."

Courtney shut down her Twitter page, but after using her Facebook as a makeshift twitter and realizing it's not as fun, she returned to Twitter with a brand new batch of nonsense.

Court Tweeted:

• ”Ke$ha is in dire need of a vibe that matches her… shes (sic) being molded into something not her that will fail. I want to save her… f**k Ke$ha I need to school her… Ke$ha I will save you…..”

• ”(Ke$ha) sweetheart you make me go all maternal, I want to save you from the jaws of impermanence and soul death…

Courtney alleges that Ke$ha's image is being manipulated by the music industry. Hey Court, I doubt Ke$sha cares! She's a one-hit wonder anyway. Her 15 minutes of fame are going "Tik Tok!" just like her song says. Hahahahahahaha - If only I were paid for my puns, I'd be wealthier than Bill Gates, b*tches!