From the opening question to the final one, Nene Leakes had her mouth open almost the entire time, proving that she's 10x more unlikable when she gives interviews than she is on the show.

Nene's New Nose:

One of the first topics up for discussion was Nene's plastic surgery. Ms. Leakes said that she loves her nose and she's unaware of any dissenters online, which isn't true. Nene specifically defended her plastic surgery in response to the haters.

About the hater comments about her swimsuit runway show, Cynthia Bailey said, "I would love to see these ladies walk down the runway in a swimsuit. I'm sure I could find some flaws as well." EXACTLY! Cynthia is good at sticking up to the women more than she does her husband, but it's encouraging to see.

Kim's New Nipples:

Kim Zolciak said that she went from saline to silicone and her nipples were raised. The host then asked the ladies if they had had any work done, and they actually confessed!! Cynthia said "I had a little bit of lipo." and  Kandi added "I had a little [lipo] in my stomach." Shocker!

Kim's Baby is Coming Soon:

Kim is 5 months pregnant and has been dating Atlanta Falcons' Kroy Biermann for nine months. Now that's a gold-digger on the clock!

When asked if she thinks that Kim's relationship with Kroy will last, Nene said, "I really don't care." The problem with Nene's attitude is that she and Kim were friends for years and now she has made Kim her enemy simply because Kim outshines her with her music career, relationship, and business ventures. Nene tries to tear down everyone who is successful.

We learn that Cynthia has listened to Kanye West's "Gold Digger" and she has signed a prenup.

And then we move onto Nene's junior high school crush on Peter. Nene denies that she has a crush on Peter although all of the footage throughout this season suggests otherwise. This is yet another one of Nene's countless lies.

"White People Eat Canned Food" Comment "Isn't Racist" According to Phaedra:

Phaedra explained that she is not intolerant of white people nor is she racist. Uh, that sounded prejudiced though, boo. And to think that she's a lawyer who doesn't know how to avoid making damaging statements on television? In defense of her diva meets The Nutcracker baby shower, Phaedra says "since when did roses become ghetto?" All of the women were looking at the floor and laughing as Phaedra attempted to explain why she had her nails did on her face and white roses hanging off of her weave.

Nene Was Trying to Be Famous For Years:

Nene then says that she did not know Phaedra growing up and Phaedra fires back and says that Nene actually called her and asked if she could do a TV show with her!!!!! Phaedra also put Nene in her place whens he told her: "Your claim to fame is this show. I'm pre-Housewives." Bam!

We begin with Phaedra Parks cutting up peaches in her kitchen to prepare for a "Sip and See" party, which is a "Southern tradition" where all attendees get to meet/ "look but don't touch" her newborn baby, Ayden. Word on the blogs is that Phay Phay may have made up this "Southern tradition" herself. No one has heard of a Sip and See.

Phaedra, who is becoming more and more likable by the minute, says that outside the courtroom she is "Martha Stewart all day." Well, she always calls herself a Southern Belle, and those b!tches are supposed to be in the kitchen cooking for their man, so she better know her way around the kitchen.

Phaedra tells her ex-convict husband Apollo Nida that Kim Zolciak made comments about him being in jail - he served 6 years in prison for allegedly stealing. Apollo says that he doesn't know what he has to do to make people forget. Uh, get a job! Apollo apparently has one, but you know he's just a trophy husband that doesn't exactly bring home the bacon.

Meanwhile Cynthia Bailey's fiance Peter Thomas needs investors for his failing restaurant. Cynthia reveals that although she had invested a lot of her money into the restaurant, Peter doesn't tell her much about it.

Phaedra's party is about to begin and Dwight introduces "the royal family" to the crowd, as Phaedra walks down the stairs with Apollo and Ayden. Shortly after the royals' party officially begins, Ayden starts crying. Like everyone there, he just wasn't feelin' it.

Kim, who recently had an intense argument with Phaedra, arrives at the party looking like "Jessica Rabbit gone bad," according to Phaedra. Kim tells Phaedra that her son is beautiful and that some people's children "ain't that pretty." The two go outside where Wiggy Kimmy shows Phaedra her nursing documentation, and Phaedra talks about Apollo getting locked up after they had met. The two ladies make peace, like, in 5 minutes. I think they just don't care about each other enough to keep beefing.

  Back at Kim's house, Kim's verbal assaults on her assistant Sweetie continue as she asks Sweetie to shoot her up with a B-12 injection so that she can have energy for her three-city tour. Although Kim was a nurse, she's terrified of needles and says a prayer before she receives her shot?!

Kim's youngest daughter questions the necessity of Kim's tour and she tells her mom "You're not even that famous!" Oh snap.

Once Kim's older daughter Brielle learns that Kim's assistant is leaving for 7 days, she starts bawling. Kim also begins tear shedding and she tells Brielle that she "has to go to make a living." Good thing Atlanta Falcon Kroy Biermann knocked Kimmy up; she can begin collecting child support only months from now.

The episode begins with Kim Zolciak calling her former lesbian lover DJ Tracy Young to discuss meeting up with a vocal coach, which Kandi justifiably requested for talentless Kim. During the conversation, Tracy Young encourages Kim and Tracy sounds legally mentally retarded. Her speech is slow and nearly slurred and I’m just hoping that some distorting from Bravo took place, for what reason I don’t know exactly, but her voice is bad. In other words, I think she’s slow, which explains everything.

About Tracy, Kim says, “We’d sit there and listen to music all day and all night and just jam to music… and we had sex, ok, great. QUIVER!” And this is why the gays love Kim. I love how casual she is when discussing her fake lesbian grown folks' business.

We’re then introduced to Sheree Whitfield’s acting coach that she’s been seeing for a while, yet we were unaware even existed. She tells Sheree about an offer to act in a play for two weeks. Queen diva Sheree learns that the job provides no pay and she seems agitated before she claims that she has to think about it. Sure, Sheree bought an Aston Martin convertible, but what else does she actually have to do, other than drive around Atlanta pretending that she had the money to buy a car that the authorities later ceased?!

Cynthia Bailey’s on the phone with Nene Leakes and Peter Thomas is in the kitchen cooking and he tells his fiance to get off the phone. Peter tells Cynthia that he wants her undivided attention when he walks into the door after work. I would call him a jerk for saying that, but the man was cooking while complaining, so it’s cool.

Wiggy Kimmy goes to see a vocal coach and DJ Tracy is there with her. Tracy sounds slow in person too, but she’s really cute. While Kim’s in the recording booth, Tracy is staring at her, banging her with her eyes the entire time.

Nene whines to her friend about her marriage, but we’re fast forwarding past her marriage drama cause she’s "still together" with Gregg anyway. Nene’s like one of your friends, we all have ‘em, who calls and complains about who they’re with, and then has sex with their partner as soon as they hit the “end” button on the phone. They vow to end the relationship and then you log onto Facebook hours later and see new photos of the happy couple making out on the beach. It’s almost like venting about how much their boyfriend sucks becomes foreplay, meanwhile you were actually concerned about their well being.

This week's episode begins with Sheree Whitfield's 24 year-old daughter Tianna showing up at Sheree's house where she discovers Sheree's new black Aston Martin car. Sheree justifies her expensive purchase by saying that she "could downsize" but just doesn't want to, which is why that car got repossessed last week, according to TMZ. Oops!

Sheree tells her daughter that she's going to dance in a Stars of Atlanta charity event. Sheree's conversation with Tianna about the charity, and every conversation she has with her before and after this one, is awkward. Their embraces and conversations are strange, like Tianna was abducted at 3 years old and reintroduced to Sheree, only brought in by producers for ratings.

Kim Zolciak's parents have also joined the cast this season. I swear we've seen Kim with brown hair and a mustache (her unattractive dad) in every episode for weeks now. Wiggy Kimmy redecorated her office with pictures of herself everywhere and claims she spent $60,000 upgrading her daughter's room, but you know she added a few zeros cause Bravo only pays her $3k/ episode.

Nene Leakes arrives at Cynthia Bailey's house because her boyfriend Peter told Nene he would propose to Cynthia. He then gives one of the most unromantic proposals in history. Peter goes bended knee and channels Shakespeare, announcing: "Since everybody's here and it took three years. You ready? You ready. You ready. You not gonna back up? You not gonna run? You gonna marry me?" Cynthia says yes. Peter asks, "You promise?" Then he puts a ring on Cynthia's ring finger on her right hand and I am still trying to process WTF I think I just witnessed.

Nene said, "It was strange."

Phaedra Parks wants to edumacate us on the birds and the bees, so she informs us that "The baby is ready to climb out of my vagina." Note taken. Phaedra wants people to take care of her child while she's in the hospital and she explains why she has hired help. "Latoya can figure out all this milk and ointment business. I can spend my time buying cute clothes for my baby and spoiling myself."

Super fabulous hair stylist Lawrence shows up to the recording studio wearing some black Chanel heels, but don't hate cause "these are last season." Lawrence, a gayer than a drag queen in a fairy costume dude, says that the lyrics to Kandi Burruss' song are "real gay!" Lawrence also tells Kandi that Kim told him that she didn't like Kandi's song. Kandi is shocked and hurt. I can't believe she's allowing Wiggy Kimmy to get under her Grammy winning skin. While he's singing, Kandi tells Lawrence to "Ooze sex right now. OOZE IT!" Dayum, Kandi's celibacy pact is really getting to her. She's going through withdrawals cause its been months since she's had sugar rammed up her cooter.

* This is a day late, which happens when you write a recap that gets deleted. I pushed a re-write back a day instead of throwing my laptop out the window.

This week’s episode begins with super gay, super fabulous Lawrence, Sheree Whitfield’s hairdresser, showing up at the recording studio to meet with Kandi Burruss. Kandi wants Lawrence to be “the next Ru Paul.” Lawrence says that he’ll work hard for it because he’s got “some real grown lady bills.”

We then see Bryce playing pool downstairs as his mom Nene Leakes says that it is the 30th day of her Bryce-must-get-the-f*ck-out-in-90-days cause "When you out, you iz out!" plan. Bryce says that he wants Nene to hook him up with a club owner because he wants to do club promotion. I don’t see how that gig would work for Bryson.

Bryce is painfully unattractive, really tall, fat. I don’t wanna go to any club that he’s representing. Kind of like how the chick I saw Downtown on Saturday night was wearing a silver bra and some black and pink stripped panties that didn’t cover up the gut she was rocking. She was freezing her nipples off but she wasn’t bringing the sex appeal. Natives and tourists alike stared at her and no one wanted to even take her fliers. I've seen a glimpse of Bryson's future. It's not pretty.

Cynthia Bailey’s baby daddy also makes an appearance cause reality TV is great for has been actors, which is exactly what he is. Cynthia says, “We created this amazing love child together” and I love her for saying that. How many people are like, “Praise God for my bastard child!” Two snaps.

The mush comes to a screeching halt, literally, as we're tortured with Kim Zolciak’s croaking in the studio with Kandi. Kim complains that the song is too high, she needs curtains to surround her microphone, she needs to change up lyrics, and she also has a lisp. Kandi tells Kim,“To be honest with you, you do have an ear problem, a pitch problem. You need some vocal lessons.” If Kandi wanted to be honest with herself, she’d drop Kim because she’s wasting everyone’s time, energy and money.

But as we all know, this season is all about attorney and convict f*cker Phaedra Parks. She delivers like Dominoes. She always gives many “Oh no she didn’t!” moments every week.

Phaedra meets up with former Destiny’s Child singer LaTavia and LaTavia is sh*t talking Destiny’s Child on TV. Uh oh! LaTavia can expect a notice from a law office any day now because Beyonce has paid those hater b!tches she sings about in “Survivor” to STFU or else. It’s shocking to see LaTavia talking about how she “was told from somebody in the group that [she doesn’t] do enough in the group to have an opinion.” Well whoever said that is right, considering that her ass isn’t in the group anymore. NEXT!

Apollo Nida’s husband wife wants to help LaTavia with her comeback. Phaedra encourages her, saying, “I got the Midas touch, so let me touch you and turn you to gold, girl.” I really like Phaedra when she’s not sounding prejudiced or vowing to abuse her child. There’s no need for Phaedra to be such a hater. Who does she think she is, a gossip blogger? 

Kim is like Phaedra, she must remind us that she supposedly has money, so Kim tells us that she spends "$800 a month, that’s like $10,000 a year” on storage units filled with her crap. Wiggy Kimmy looks through her junk and sees mirror after mirror. Her explanation? "I don’t think you can have enough mirrors ever. My hair can change every two feet or something, you know? I need to be able to look in the mirror.”

Kim Zolociak shows up to Kandi's webcast show. Kandi says that she is supposed to remain celibate for a year, on a bet, and therefore she “can talk about sex." Kim is asked why she’s sleeping with Big Poppa, a married man, and she says that "his family lives in LA and he lives here. That’s not cheating.” I’m sure Wiggy Kimmy wouldn’t say that to her football player boyfriend Kroy Biermann when he travels out of state. He should throw that back in her face.

We then see the back of Nene Leakes’ head to hide the results of her nose job, breast lift and liposuction on her waist. When Nene looks at her reflection in the mirror she says that she loves it. She also wants to know if she can drink some wine during her recovery process and claims that she’s “gonna get a penis enlargement” next. LOVE her!

Nene whines to Cynthia Bailey about how she gave her husband Gregg her “20’s and 30’s.” We will be hearing about Nene’s marriage EVERY SINGLE EPISODE, so keep your finger above that "mute" button.

We next get to controversy creator, Phaedra Parks. She puts on a tight tank top and jeans, goes and sits on some stairs and sucks on a pickle like it’s a penis while a photographer takes her picture - she wants pregnancy photos. When Phaedra’s not looking forward to “beat[ing] the hell out of” her child, she's happy to celebrate being knocked up.

Sheree doesn’t think that Dr. Tiy-e has a house in Atlanta because she’s meeting him at his friend’s house. Good observation. Bravo gives us all these hints that Dr. Tiy-e is both broke and fraudulent. It’s like watching a murder mystery “Who done it?” episode except we wrote the friggin’ script and picked out all the cast members!

Tiy-e Muhammad is still cooking when Sheree arrives for their date and he asks her to help him with some grueling work, like cutting strawberries in half, to which Sheree says “I’m not used to manual labor.” Tiy-e also clearly forgets who he is dating. Sheree’s NFL ex-husband is HUGE and this scrawny dork is trying to convince her that he’s buff?!? Tiy-e stands up in the middle of dinner and takes his shirt off. Sheree says “His body was alright...."

Nene then goes bra shopping with Cynthia and Nene says, “I don’t like to wear a bra cause I paid money to have my titties stand up.” Nene is then seen dancing in the middle of the retail store, channeling her stripper moves and loving her new look in the mirror. Nene confesses, “I’ve never had a confidence problem. 'I’m looking at my boobs thinkin’ Oh my gosh, they’re hooker boobs. Real high, nipples to the sky!' I just spent money, I’m ready to walk around nude.” When is this b!tch’s talk show gonna get picked up? Please gawd.

This week we meet Nene Leakes' friend Diana, who accompanies her to a doctor's appointment for plastic surgery. Nene says that she would like to reduce her breast implants by "two sizes," get a nose job, and have some liposuction for her barely there "pouch."

Nene explained: "As long as I'm writin' the check, mind ya bizniss! I have a small pouch and I could work it out, but I don't feel like it so I'd like you to get it out doctor. Get it out! Bam!" I really do love this b!tch and I want her to get her own talk show. Her testimonial interview segments this season are classic.

Kim Zolciak's parents swing by her house and they are adorable. Her dad says that when Kim sang a Christmas song when she was in 8th grade he "had tears" in his eyes "because it was so phenomenal." Awwwwww! Parents can be so delusional.

Next we see Sheree Whitfield wearing a "Who gon check me boo?" T-shirt while working out at the gym. Sheree is talking to her trainer about the "Doctor" she's dating, Mr. Tiy-E Muhammad, who gives some corny speech not worth mentioning and is actually a fraud.

Phaedra Parks is attempting to bond with supermodel Cynthia Bailey, but not even Cynthia likes Phaedra. There isn't much to like about this idiotic woman who tries to convince us that she's a Southern Belle.

Phaedra says, "Just because someone's a model does not mean that they're gorgeous. It just means that they skinny and tall and can wear a size 2 or zero." Phaedra also wants the world to know that she came from money and she's an "equestrian" who has been riding horses since she was seven years old.

Phaedra tells Cynthia that her wedding had 300 attendees and she had to cut the list down from the original 1,000 cause she couldn't afford it. Phaedra also confesses that her parents are pastors and that she "did not want a man with a bunch of crazy kids everywhere. Lord send me somebody with no baggage, somebody clean. [Apollo] ain't got no kids."

Cynthia Bailey of the Real Housewives of Atlanta's husband Peter Thomas isn't as wealthy as he's made out to look on the show. In fact, the Uptown Restaurant and Lounge that he "owns" on RHOA had to be shut down!

The Uptown Restaurant and Lounge was closed due to unpaid expenses in excess of $25,000. Employees were also unaware of the shutdown, allegedly, and showed up to work ready to go only to discover that the venue went under.

Bravo has been choosing people to appear on "Housewives" shows that are connected to drama. Bravo's stars get evicted, lose their homes, auction off everything but their dirty panties, and all because they're only paid $3k an episode! Of course "Real Housewives" stars are going to be broke. Cynthia has a modeling career to fall back on. I doubt she or Peter needs Uptown Restaurant to be running in order to put some food on the table. Peter allegedly never owned it to begin with, but that's for a separate post.

NeNe Leakes’ snide comments about Phaedra Parks continue to pour in. NeNe says, “Phaedra claims to be this big time entertainment attorney here in Atlanta and all I hear is that she represented Bobby Brown, BUT EXCUSE ME, Bobby Brown was 10 years ago.” And 10 years ago NeNe was working the pole as a stripper named Silk. So what’s NeNe’s point?

Then, out of nowhere, we see Ne-Yo sitting down in a recording studio while Kandi Burruss is on the mic! I love that Ne-Yo was nowhere in the previews. He says “Kandi is a prolific songwriter. She knows how to write a song and make you feel it. It takes a special kind of person to write a song.” Awwww! We also learn that Kandi is too damn generous! She tells Ne-Yo that she let Kim Zolciak keep the $100k she made off of her song “Tardy for the Party.” Kandi is dumb and that’s why users flock to her like flies to Paris Hilton’s crotch.

Lawrence, Sheree Whitfield’s hairdresser, shows up at her house in full makeup to grace us with his fabulous presence once again. He should just move in and live with Sheree and her kids cause it’s not like Sheree has a man, or will she? Hmmm….

Thus far Lawrence has appeared in both RHOA episodes this season. We can’t get enough of him. Sheree tells Lawrence that she has a date, she then complains that her date wants to go dancing. Sheree says, “I am a white girl in a black girl body, I have no rhythm! I’m kind of pissed.” And this is why I love this woman! When you’re black you’re supposed to put on a show when you hit the dance floor, but I tell people that unless they’ve paid me then I am not here to entertain, OH KAY! Fingersnap. Neckroll.

Cynthia Bailey makes her big debut. She is a supermodel who is basically bald-headed, but she is stunning! Cynthia talks about how her boyfriend named Peter wants to get married soon. She has been engaged three times already and she’s a bit of a commitment phobe.

NeNe then talks about how her marriage to her grandpapa husband is pretty much falling apart. NeNe says, “We’ve been together 13 years and I feel like we’re not gonna make it.” I know everyone mentions the amount of years they’ve been with someone, but I don’t like it in my shows. I feel like it’s a trivia question and I’m supposed to be keeping track.

We then have front row seats for Sheree’s date.

Although she stuck to the script and claimed that she's unsure of whether or not she should marry Peter Thomas, Real Housewives of Atlanta star Cynthia Bailey did just that.

The wedding took place at the Fernbank Natural Museum of History on July 24th. The ceremony was top secret because it was filmed for an episode of this season's RHOA.

Peter ThomasPeter Thomas is a renowned entrepreneur and is the owner of the Atlanta's Uptown Restaurant and Lounge. The wedding ceremony got delayed for 45 minutes due to the unwanted disturbance created by Nene Leakes. I love NeNe! She's a grown ass woman who acts like she's 5.

Peter and Cynthia met 18 years ago on a flight from Miami to New York. They reunited three years ago and started dating.

Kim Zolciak, Kandi Burruss, Sheree Whitfield and even Lisa Wu Hartwell was in attendance!