Dane Cook
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To summarize, I'm embarrassed for Dane Cook. His attempt at hilarity via typing a funny, lightly comedic or grin worthy MySpace blog post falls short.

Note to male ranting celebrities: Men who whine and bitch and care so much about their looks will never be considered hot while they're doing so. In fact, it will have quite the opposite effect.

Note to everyone on the planet who can read and write: Write, post or send absolutely nothing when you're upset because you will regret it. Always.

I must post Dane's rant in its entirety. It's breathtaking how much of a crybaby he is. And if you don't know how to spell Britney Spears' name right - he has a "Brittany Spears' vagina" reference in here - I'm boycotting your movie and I hope you OD tomorrow. It's BRITNEY, douche!

* I'll be posting the movie poster a few times throughout his rant so you can briefly glance at it to observe just how much he's barking about nothing.

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.

3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.Continue Reading...

This scene is pretty funny, and, since gossip has been killing me these days, boring me to death, I thought I'd throw up sumthin' you may not be seeing on every other gossip blog. Enjoy.

And, there's profanity in here, so if you're at work, please don't blast this.

Dane Cook is having issues with the owners of his apartment complex in West Hollywood because he leaves his dogs shit in the yard. You know Dane, you should buy a house and then you can allow it to crap all over your own backyard and not listen to other people bitch about it. Only you will complain when you can't walk around your own yard without fear of stepping in poo poo land mines.

Cook is at war with the owners of the West Hollywood apartment complex where he lives for not picking up after his dog, Beast. "Neither he nor his girl friend pick up after the dog," said a source. "They've sent him three notices so far over the last year warning him he'll be evicted, and they have video. The neighbors all hate him." The landlord has now filed a complaint in court. "Dane vigorously denies the allegations in the complaint and is looking forward to complete vindication through the legal proceedings," said his rep Ina Treciokas.

Dane isn't that good of a comedian and his name probably wouldn't be as big as it is had Mitch Hedberg not passed away. Dane you suck ass, and so does your dog poop.

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