Ali Lohan looks dangerously thin, but her mom Dina Lohan makes it sound like we have the problem. Dina argues that Ali's completely fine. Dina said that she "doesn't read any of the rubbish" that's printed about Ali's weight. Oh snap. I guess she's British now too.

Ali before and after her dramatic weight loss

Dina adds that she "would never condone plastic surgery at such a young age," and that her daughter is awesome, as if that means she's healthy?! "Ali is a wonderful person and an amazing soul."

In a recent interview with Page Six magazine, Ali said that "she's always had a fast metabolism and is able to eat what she wants, from scrambled eggs with American cheese and hot sauce to Nutella."

It really doesn't matter what you eat. If you're sick, you're sick, which is exactly what Ali is IMHO.

...and the coke dealers wept. As part of a last-ditch effort to avoid going back to the clink, Lindsay Lohan checked herself back into rehab and is rumored to be staying there until her October 22nd court date. Like most things involving LiLo, the whole situation is even more crazy-cakes than it initially sounds.

That's Linds pretending to read a self-help book on her last night of freedom. She probably thinks this picture says, "I'm totally serious about getting sober, you guys" *wipes coke boogers on sleeve*. What it actually says is that she thinks we're all retarded. Who the hell reads in front of a sunset without noticing the photographer 3 feet away? Well it's better than having your picture taken while you're shooting heroin.

Mom of the year Dina Lohan has already started trying to get a conservatorship over Lindsay, because, ya know, Linds won't be able to spend her own money for a while, so someone else should, right? A conservatorship is basically a legal ruling that you're mentally 12 years old. Lindsay might soon join Britney Spears on the very short list of adult millionaires who are too effed up to run their own lives.

Oh, and the book Lindsay's reading? It's about getting a good night's sleep. I could probably help her with that - stop doing piles of blow! There, you can put the book down, now. Good luck in the 'hab you crazy, crazy coke vacuum.

Good old Dina Lohan was interviewed by Matt Lauer this morning on the Today Show about her train wreck daughter Lindsay Lohan, and feels she was ambushed by Matt's questions on Lindsay's jail term, and her current stint in rehab. A friend of Dina's tells Pop Eater that White Oprah was surprised by how many tough questions Matt asked.

"Dina felt ambushed by Matt. She was surprised how many tough questions he asked."

"She didn't understand why [Lauer] kept asking her those other questions -- she knows she's a great mother and Lindsay will get out of rehab soon. Everyone makes mistakes, it's just that Lindsay makes it into the papers."

She probably felt ambushed because she really doesn't have a clue what is going on with her daughter. All Dina did through most of the interview was declare Judge Marsha Revel mishandled the case, and played hardball with Lindsay. Not to mention how many times she said the judge had been 'recused' from the case. She did everything in her power to blame everyone else for Lindsay's problems rather than put any blame on Lindsay herself.

Dina Lohan went on Today this morning to discuss Lindsay's time in prison and her chances of being releases from rehab early.

In the interview, Dina blamed the judge for Linds' lock-up and claims her daughter buddied up with a lot of "alleged murders" while she was in the clink. Seems weird that a famous young woman who only ended up serving two weeks would be locked up next to murderers, but I can't imagine that a member of the Lohan family would lie to us.

The Mom of the Year candidate also says that Lindsay will not serve the full 90 days in rehab that she was sentenced to. You'd think she'd be an expert on the legal system after raising Lindsay for 24 years, but it sounds like Dina is dreaming on this one. TMZ consulted inside sources and legal experts who apparently told them that an early release for Lindsay is "very unlikely."

Despite going straight from jail to serving 90 days in rehab, Lindsay Lohan keeps finding new and interesting ways to eff-up the outside world.

Lindsay's not allowed to see friends while she's locked-up "recovering," so naturally she's been getting regular visits from mom Dina and little sis Ali. TMZ reports that those two are still riding the Lindsay gravy train while she's in the 'hab, abusing Linz's long-suffering assistant, Eleonore.

"Sources close to Eleonore tell TMZ she is 'miserable,' 'super-stressed' and 'incredibly worn-out' these days - which is strange because Lindsay has been 'away' for nearly a month.' But now she has to do Dina and Ali's bidding. We're told Dina 'goes on for about nothing for days,' constantly rambling about potential business deals."

I guess I feel bad for this chick, but when you're Lindsay Lohan's assistant, you have to realize your life is going to suck all the time, forever. She probably thought she would just chill at home and throw darts at a picture of Lindsay for a few months, instead she's got Dina and Ali riding her like a rented mule. At least she gets a break from running all over LA at 3 a.m. in search of cheap blow and freckle-covering foundation.

I think it's hilarious that Eleonore rocks one name, diva-style, like she's freakin' Madonna, or something. Only in Hollywood can you become famous by being the assistant of a chick who really shouldn't be famous.

Lindsay Lohan may get to add reality TV star to her resume if she decides to do 'Celebrity Apprentice'. According to Page Six and momma Dina Lohan, Trump is definitely interested in having Lindsay on the show, and there's a chance she may do it! When I say 'chance,' I mean she may say yes now, and totally back out at the last minute.

"Donald is a friend of the family, and producers of 'Celebrity Apprentice' have approached Lindsay to appear in the next season. She's deciding if she wants to do it or not, but she currently has three films in production, so she's very busy."

Like all of the self-absorbed Lohans, Michael Lohan plays by his own rules. Dina Lohan's mentally disturbed sperm donor leaked private phone conversations to the media and he may end up in the clink for it.

Michael's selfish acts may earn him the golden ticket to becoming some inmates' newest butt boy.

It's all over a protective order Dina obtained in Nassau County, New York back in 2005, which bans Michael from communicating with Dina by email or phone until 2011.

One of the taped conversations was reportedly recorded in 2008, which means that Papa Lohan violated his protective order which could land him behind bars. Dina Lohan's attorneys have already contacted the Nassau County District Attorney in connection with the audio tapes.

I really don't know how to feel about this one. I wouldn't want to send my father to prison and I wouldn't want to co-sign on my mother doing so. I think fame hungry attention whores can not be rehabilitated. And if Dina and Lindsay simply aspire to silence him, there are other ways to accomplish that. Hint, hint: "Who gon check me, boo?" Pookie and his crew!

Dina Lohan is ready to sink her three inch teeth into Michael Lohan's neck because of the taped phone conversations he keeps releasing to the press. She's so upset with everything that has been going on in the Lohan news recently that she's speaking out about Michael's behavior.

"The tapes were from a long time ago, and for a father to stoop this low is unforgivable."

I wonder if Dina has done any research to see if it's even legal for Michael to tape their conversations? Probably not. She's too busy making Ali the next Hollywood train wreck. She also says Michael Lohan was given a chance to be in his children's lives again but he blew it and owes some cash flow for child support.

"My heart is breaking for my children that he could do this. He has no visitation anymore and is six months behind in child support. The authorities have been alerted!"

Aaah, it's just another day in Lohan paradise!

Michael Lohan has released yet another tape to prove how f*cked up Lindsay is and believes by doing so she may wake up out of her drug induced slumber and decide she needs to go to rehab. How can you call yourself a good father when you're airing all of your daughter's dirty laundry? This is like brown streaks in your underwear type of dirty laundry.

This time the taped conversation is with Dina Lohan explaining what a hot mess Lindsay has become. Dina has been lashing out at Michael for thinking Lindsay needs an intervention, yet momma Lohan says she tried to do one herself but failed.

"You don't even know what I went through trying to get her into, like, rehab and stuff. She'd punch me in the face, threw me out of the car  like you don't know the [expletive] I went through trying to get her an intervention by myself. It was very difficult."

Punched her own mother in the face and threw her out of the car? What a piece of sh*t daughter! Well, they're all a piece of poop, but to slap your mother around is unacceptable.

Lindsay posted a response to the latest taped conversation on Twitter and says her mother blamed herself for staying with Michael for so long and she begged her mother not to leave because Michael "always threatened to kill her if she did." Michael says Linds is full of crap and he's going to release more tapes to prove what a liar Lindsay is.

Lindsay Lohan is a spoiled brat who thinks she knows everything there is to know about life and believes she has her drug use under control. I give Lindsay three years before she's found dead in a hotel room from a drug overdose.

The attention whore parents of Lindsay Lohan are still battling out their differences about Lindsay's health in the media. Michael Lohan says he's so serious about getting Lindsay the helps she needs, that he's willing to air saved voice mail messages where Dina admits she's worried about Lindsay's health.

The two have been feuding over the last few weeks about Lindsay's drug problem with Michael speaking publicly about staging an intervention with her. Dina denied Lindsay has any kind of problem but Michael says she's full of sh*t. Michael plans to play some of the messages on Entertainment Tonight this coming Monday, which tell a different story. 

"I have proof that Dina has told me Lindsay is on death's doorstep. There have been frantic calls. And I'm going to prove that Dina is the liar, not me."

Michael also said Dina talks nicely about Samantha Ronson to Lindsay but when she speaks with Michael she "blames Lindsay's downfall on the Ronsons." Doh! Michael is busting her out! Maybe I've got a case of the crazies, but I'm beginning to side with Michael Lohan. Somebody smack me around before I buy a Team Michael shirt.