Dumbasses

Randy Travis is a country singer who was arrested for being drunk in public. Nothing unusual about that. What's unique about Randy's case is that dude stepped his game up by getting hammered while hanging out in front of his local church.

Police in Sanger, Texas arrested Travis, 52, early Monday morning after after finding the singer sitting in his truck outside his local church. They approached the vehicle and found him visibly drunk and stinking of wine.

Randy was booked on a misdemeanor and released shortly after. He released a statement apologizing “for what resulted following an evening of celebrating the Super Bowl.” I don't what kind of Super Bowl celebration ends with drinking wine in a church parking lot, but, hey, at least he had an excuse.

50 Cent is either so confident that the New York Giants will win the Super Bowl, or he just wants bragging rights. 50 Cent, real name Curtis Jackson, promised to post a photo of his penis on Twitter if the Giants lose to the New England Patriots.

50 accepted a fan's request to post his dick pic if the Giants lose. So ladies, who do you want to win the Super Bowl?! I'm no Patriots fan, but I'm hoping that New England wins. A blogger can always use a good traffic spike.

The Super Bowl goes down next Sunday, Feb. 5. Be ready to see the "magic stick" that 50 has been rapping about for years.

Face and hand tattoos are among the dumbest decisions a person can make, but when you're Rihanna, and you never have to worry about keeping your hands in your pockets during a job interview or being forced to wear gloves for the entirety of your shift at Best Buy, it's not quite as retarded.

That being said, Rihanna's tattoo is still horrible. Thug life? Really? This chick had a record deal at, like, 17. How much thuggin' has she really accomplished in her life? Oh, and nothing says "gangsta" like that John Lennon t-shirt she's wearing in the picture.

Hopefully, RiRi will wash the magic marker off her hands and let us in on the joke, because if that tat is real, it's her worst decision since she started hanging out with Chris Brown again.

Well this was a good idea! Well respected actor Mark Wahlberg told Men's Journal that he would have prevented a plane from crashing on 9/11 had he been a passenger on one of the doomed planes. Wahlberg decided to take a plane to Toronto a week early, thus avoiding boarding one of the planes out of Boston that crashed into the World Trade Center on September 11th.

"If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.'" LO F*cking LOUD! He's so dumb!

In 2006, he said that had he been on the plane that "We certainly would have tried to do something to fight."

Naturally Wahlberg has angered and offended many people. Just as I was about to type that he's working on his apology, the idiot has already apologized: "To suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible." He continued: "To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with. I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention."

Marky Mark is going to have a hard time living this down, and he probably never will.

Christina Aguilera landed the cover of Marie Claire possibly so that she could promote the upcoming season of the show that has made her relevant again, NBC's The Voice. In her exclusive, Christina says that 2011 "was a rough year."

She explained: “Between my divorce and the other things I went through, a lot happened. It’s hard for anyone to go through that in public... I grew an even thicker skin after that hard year.”

Christina says that she's had her highs and lows.

"I’ve been through the gamut of all things in this business. Being too thin. Being bigger. I’ve been criticized for being on both sides of the scale. It’s noise I block out automatically. I love my body. My boyfriend loooves my body.”

She added: "I happen to be very confident in my own skin. It takes time to get to that place, but it’s all about embracing yourself and your body.”

I only wish that all this "embracing" that Xtina talks about meant that she'd wear clothes that actually fit.

Lindsay Lohan loves getting tattoos almost as much as she loves making fresh starts, which is why it makes sense that she’s marking this so-called new phase in her life with some fresh ink. LiLo added a “live without regrets” tattoo on her left wrist to her arsenal of body art, presumably as a reminder.

According to TMZ, the star hit up a tattoo parlor last Friday night to commemorate one of her many attempts to get herself to the land of sometimes sobriety and not quite hot messitude. She’ll be done with her court-ordered community service on March 29th, and feels so great working at the morgue and re-cleaning up her life, that she “wanted to do something she’d always remember.”

A tattoo is, in fact, the perfect way to do that.

Photo: Wenn

Because she apparently hasn't soaked up enough hatred in the last few years, Casey Anthony has decided to come out of hiding and speak publicly for the first time since her release from prison. Of course, Casey has decided to avoid topics like the death of her daughter and the outcry over her acquittal and instead focuses on more important issues like her new computer.

Casey Anthony Video Diary

The above video shows Casey at an undisclosed location in Florida where she's serving out her probation. It's difficult to make out much of what she's saying due to the terrible sound quality, but from what we can hear, it sounds like more of the self-absorbed BS that we've come to expect from the world's greatest mom.

But if you were worried about Casey, don't be. Despite the death of her daughter and the hatred of the entire world, she's optimistic about the future. "The good thing is that things are starting to look up and things are starting to change in a good way," she says in the video. "I just hope that things stay good and only get better." She goes on to say that she's trying to overcome her camera shyness, as this post will be "the first of many."

Oh, good - she's warming up to do some serious famewhoring. Expect her to start shopping a reality show any day now.

Regardless of how things may have ended, it seems marrying Katy Perry was the smartest thing Russell Brand ever did. Not only did the washed-up comic get unrestricted access to some of the world's most famous breasts, he also extended his 15 minutes of stateside fame, and now that the divorce proceedings are under way, it seems that Russell may enjoy a boon even bigger than Katy's ample D-cups.

Because they were like totally, in love, and apparently functionally retarded, Katy and Russell never signed a prenuptial agreement. That would be fine if they had assets and careers of similar value, but the problem is Katy just became the first artist since Michael Jackson to have five number one singles off one album, while Russell starred in that movie about the animated Easter bunny.

So yeah, Katy is worth a lot more, and if her soon-to-be ex decides to file for spousal support, he may be entitled to half of her $40 million fortune. Sounds like Katy should've stuck to kissing girls. Zing!

January is a time for reflection on the year that was and planning for the year to come. It's a time to learn from our mistakes and look forward to a brighter future in which we act with greater wisdom, having learned from our previous errors. Unless, of course, you're Kim Kardashian.

Few celebrities had a more tumultuous 2011 than Kim - marriage, divorce, the whole world deciding that its sick of her crap...It's a year that Kim was probably glad to see go, and she'll probably try to be a bit more thoughtful about her actions and a little less of a blatant famewhore in 2012, right? So wrong.

"I think a good lesson I learned about myself is to always follow your heart, and I think I'll never stop doing that," Kim told reporters at a typically famewhor-ish New Year's Eve event in Las Vegas. She added that she looks forward to "just having a really good 2012 and soaking in all the lessons learned in 2011. That's it. Simple."

Kelly Clarkson had no idea that supporting Texas Republican Ron Paul would piss off her fans. Last night Clarkson tweeted: "I love Ron Paul. I liked him a lot during the last Republican nomination and no one gave him a chance. If he wins the nomination for the Republican party in 2012 he's got my vote. Too bad he probably won't." And so it began.

Kelly, 29, soon found herself in a bitter Twitter war with several of her fans, who she was responding to individually.

Kelly's fans said that Ron is racist and homophobic, which prompted her to defend herself by saying: "I love all people and could care less if you like men or women. I have never heard that Ron Paul is a racist or homophobe?"

Kelly said that she's "really sorry" if she offended anyone and that she likes Ron Paul because he "believes in less government and letting the people (all of us) make the decisions and mold our country. That is all. Out of all of the Republican nominees, he's my favorite."

If you don't read, you shouldn't Tweet. It's that simple.

Photo: Wenn