Dumbasses News

Senator John Kerry's daughter, Alexandra Forbes Kerry, was arrested this a.m. on suspicion of DUI.

Alexandra was in Hollywood at 12:40 a.m. when law enforcement stopped her. She was pulled over for a traffic stop, then arrested and booked at LAPD's Hollywood station.

The 36-year-old film producer and director was released at 5:25.

I wanna know what her blood alcohol level was cause I swear one sip of something good and you're breaking the law.

Jon Gosselin wasn't looking to just bang Kate Major for a minute, he was also planning to hire her as his personal assistant. In a document obtained by Radar Online, Jon Gosselin had written up a contract with Kate as his assistant and to allow her handle "some but not all future accounts".

He also wrote that "She will receive a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement," so I wonder if he has to pay her for any money he may have received for talking about his relationship with her? In Kate Gosselin's end of the contract, she writes that neither she or Jon will comment publicly about their relationship and promised to "run any media inquiries past Jon Gosselin before doing any on-air or print work."

So it sounds like he should have hired her because she probably would have done a decent job of trying to keep him from looking like the king douchebag he has become. I mean, he would still be a douche, but maybe on the terror alert scale of douchery he would have been orange instead of red.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's star power continues to fade. Maybe they should read their own book a few times and memorize the text? The attention whores appeared on the Today Show in June where they got into it with Al Roker.

Heidi then claimed that women should "be careful" while around the lovable teddy bear because she felt threatened as a woman while in his presence.

The two were actually supposed to appear on the Today Show on Monday but their interview was nixed! Don't bite the hand that can promote you, f*cktards. Spencer Bratt then viciously and immaturely attacked Al Roker on Twitter yesterday tweeting:

"WEATHERMAN I thought you were out of town today getting your stomache stapled again?"

"you look very sick? Do you always look like your about to die? How old are you 97? You should retire asap- No one would even know?"

"I heard you snitched on your own kids at school! I bet your kids HATE you!! I would if my own dad came to my school and snitched me about"

"is it true you have been married 6 times? I'm sure all your wives left you when they realized you were abusive to women! Sicko!"

How sad. Al Roker graduated from college and had a career before Speidi and will continue to have one after their star power continues to fade. Spencer Pratt and Heidi need Al Roker, the Today Show, POTP and anyone who mentions their asses. Shouldn't that be the most important rule in their How to be a D-Lister Everyone Hates book? Don't talk sh*t about those who can promote you. Speidi's going down!

Megan Fox talks about her sex drive, her alleged former lesbian stripper ex-girlfriend, and her comfort in her overt sexuality, yet she wants to explain that she's not a slut.

Well, I never called Megan a slut cause it's obvious to me that she's a poser. True whores don't wave their panties in your face and tell you who took 'em off. Megan tells the New York Times,

"Girls think I'm a slut. I've been in the same relationship since I was 18.

"If they think you're attractive, you're either stupid or a whore or a dumb whore. The instinct among girls is to attack the jugular. All women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. You're sold, and it's based on sex. That's O.K., if you know how to use it."

Personally I like hot chicks, so I could care less that Megan is beautiful. Some of the name calling could stem from her not bringing anything to the table except flaming piles of manure and self-loathing bitch fests.

If you persistently try to shove your sexuality down my throat, then hells yeah, I'm gonna call you a slut cause that's obviously the image that you're trying to go for. Consider it a favor.

Carrie Prejean continues to whore herself out to the media to promote her new book and was brave enough to make an appearance on Larry King Live. During her interview with the king of geriatrics, Larry asked her about her lawsuit settlement and Carrie got her panties in a bunch over it.

Earlier in the interview Larry had asked her about the sex tape and she didn't really discuss it but she didn't throw a tantrum like she does when he asks about the lawsuit. She takes off her microphone and threatens to leave his show but if you notice, she didn't take out her ear piece. When Larry asks if she can still hear him she says no. Um, if you can't hear the old fart talking, how can you respond to the questions? She gets a dumb*ss of the year award for this appearance!

MTV is taking it to a whole new level with their new series 'Jersey Shore,' which debuts Dec. 3. As you can tell by the video below, there's plenty of hair styling and fist pumping going on.

I'm hooked just by watching the promo full of the "hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos" I've ever seen! I also want to watch sweaty armpit fist pumping boy to see how many times he sweats through his shirts.

The best part is the end when the dude says "If hatin' is your occupation, I've got a full time job for you." Woah, they're even full of catchy phrases! This is going to be the best trashtastic show on TV this winter.

Carrie Prejean hasn't only ticked off the gays and the Miss California Pageant officials, now she's p*ssing off Donald Trump. In Carrie's new book "Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate, and Political Attacks" Carrie accused Donald of dividing up pageant contestants based on their looks.

That got Donald Trump's bad hair piece standing on end and he says Carrie should be 'ashamed of herself' and he would never do that because it would be too hurtful. Since Carrie wants to open a can of worms with the Donald, he took a moment to comment on Carrie's innocent, perfect girl status and her sex tape.

"She's trying to act like she's a nun so maybe she should release the sex tape and people would see whether or not she is a nun."

Many are saying that Carrie running her mouth, and the sex tape coming to light, happened just in time to help sell her new book. I don't see a big market for people purchasing books written by dethroned pageant queens who have video of themselves playing the cl*t fiddle, but somebody will be interested in reading her nonsense.

IS CARRIE PREJEAN A HYPOCRITE?

Get ready to fall out of your chair from laughing so hard while watching this video of Jon Gosselin. Well you won't fall out of your chair over it but I've gotta admit it is pretty funny.

In the video Jon gives up his Ed Hardy wardrobe he's been wearing constantly for the last 4 months and throws on a preppy polo. He's also giving up the dirty sluts he's always seen with, is seen deleting Michael Lohan's phone number, and wants to go back "to the normal, simple life" he used to have. Don't quit your day job to go into acting. Oh wait, you don't have a day job or a paycheck since you crapped all over your relationship with TLC.

Carrie Prejean is promoting her new book "Still Standing" and she appeared on the Today Show this morning. Since pageant officials said that Prejean is a solo porn star, we rather have her discuss her masturbation video than her book.

Carrie's trying to make being a hypocritical slut a political issue, natch. She also claims that if Keith Oberman said things about Sonya Sotomayor or Michelle Obama like he had said about her, "he would be off the air" immediately. It's nice to know that Carrie puts herself in the same category as the First Lady and the first Latina Supreme Court Justice. I'm also becoming more fluent with her language. She claimed that her and the other Miss USA contestants were thrilled that Donald Trump "meeted us."

My ears!

IS CARRIE PREJEAN A HYPOCRITE?

Khloe Kardashian wanted to spice up her reality show, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami: Insert professional black athlete boyfriend here.

Rashad McCants tells the New York Post that Khloe allegedly checked his voicemail (on her show) and heard messages from other women. Khloe says that Rashad cheated on her, but Rashad says it's not true because Khloe didn't even have his phone number.

He says he and Khloe "had already called it quits" in January, before the segment was even taped.

So if Khloe was faking it, Rashad was too. And furthermore, why is he even talking about it now?