Dumbasses (Page 2)

Generally speaking, when faced with adversity, Adam Lambert likes to crack a few jokes about it. When photos were released of him chasing down a paparazzo, he claimed "If embarrassment is a crime- thats all I'm guilty of." Then Adam was ejected from Lady Gaga's party for being too drunk. Now Adam gets arrested after getting too drunk and turning an argument into a physical fight with his boyfriend.

I love Adam Lambert and I trust that he has learned his lesson, hopefully. Meanwhile, his boyfriend Sauli said: "Publicity is not easy, but also celebrities are just human. Love is not easy either, but it lasts forever!"

Love is not supposed to be violent, either, and that has sh!t to do with being a celebrity.

Lambert and Koskinen both attacked each other and were arrested for multiple assaults. Adam and Sauli were questioned and released. Neither party was injured.

Also noteworthy, in his typical I'll-be-your-friend-and-then-turn-on-you fashion, Perez Hilton posted the following Tweet: "@adamlambert Last time you got that drunk you were punching holes in the ceiling at La Cita in LA. Maybe you should cut back or quit booze." Perez is such a doucheface!

Matt Damon is an a*shole. There's no need for me to sugar coat da truf. I don't say that because he slams Barack Obama, I say that because he has talked sh!t about The James Bond franchise, has revealed personal information about some of his celebrity friends, and he just seems semi-intolerable. Who likes a man who acts like a whiny little 12 year-old b!tch?

Matt tells Elle magazine: "You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of the country, much better."

He should run for President then!

Matt on the Occupy Wall Street movement: "If the Democrats think that they didn't have a mandate -- people are literally without any focus or leadership, just wandering out into the streets to yell right now because they are so pissed off ... Imagine if they had a leader."

Matt has made many other harsh comments, which is fine, he has the right to do so. He just comes across as being mad bitter. Maybe if I were a dude who lives in a house with three daughters of my own, and one step daughter, and starred in We Bought a Zoo, a movie that looks downright embarrassing, I'd be pissed at the world too. I just wouldn't try to spread the misery with reporters in the country.

Photo: Wenn

It seems Lindsay Lohan's Playboy pics weren't the only thing that got stolen this weekend. The "actress" traveled to Hawaii with her mom and sister on Friday (because she can afford that, somehow) and her purse containing more than $10,000 in cash, her passport, and important probation documents disappeared from a house party.

After flipping out hard and forcing everyone to stay at the party until the purse was found, the $5,000 Chanel bag was returned, without, of course, the 10 grand inside. Linds' reportedly epic freak-out is understandable, as she's due in LA for a probation hearing on Friday, but still there's something suspect about all this. After all, it's not the first time Lindsay has nearly missed a court date due to a stolen purse - she used the same excuse while attending the Cannes film festival in 2010. She really hasn't learned to keep her ID on her person while traveling?

TMZ has obtained audio of Lindsay bugging out over the purse, and it must be legit, because we all know girl can't act. Still, it seems unlikely that a local would risk arrest by returning the stolen bag, and why would she be worried that her "dad will kill (her)"? Doesn't he have his own legal drama to worry about? We may never find out what kind of scam Lindsay was trying to pull here, but rest assured...there was a scam. You can just always assume that when LiLo's involved.

(Photo: WENN)

Someone needs to punch Dottie Sandusky in the throat and take away her laptop so she can't communicate. Jerry Sandusky's butch wife said that the alleged child rapist is innocent. WTF is wrong with the Sanduskys? Why are they always giving interviews?!!!

Dottie looks masculine. Makes sense.

Dottie released a statement through her lawyer that says she's been "shocked and dismayed by the allegations made against Jerry." She also said: "As the mother of six children, I have been devastated by these accusations." I need a translator. WTF is this dumb b!tch saying? "As a mother" she finds it devastating to hear that young children said they were abused, or is she saying that she knows that Jerry, the father of her kids, wouldn't harm other children?!

Dottie concluded with: "Our children, our extended family and friends know how much Jerry and I love kids and have always tried to help and care for them. We would never do anything to hurt them."

Apparently this story is all about Dottie! She continued: "I am so sad anyone would make such a terrible accusation which is absolutely untrue. We don't know why these young men have made these false accusations, but we want everyone to know they are untrue."

"We don't know why" these young men are saying they were abused? Maybe because they were? Just a thought, you pathetic b!tch!!

Does Farrah Abraham pay someone to say stupid things for her on Twitter, or is it all just her? The Teen Mom star attacked Kourtney Kardashian after Kourtney announced her pregnancy, tweeting that the oldest Kardashian sister should be ashamed that she’s preggo with her second child.

“Im Shocked Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again, Did she not learn anything from TEEN MOM? Maybe its a fake pregnancy like kims wedding SAD...age and money honestly do not change a persons poor choice.”

I’ll agree that, yes, having Scott Disick as your baby daddy seems like a poor choice to most sentient human beings, but I don’t think Kourtney should feel bad about having another kid. Her life isn’t as big of a train wreck as her bootylicious younger sister, and she generally seems like a good mother.

Kourtney didn’t just take the hit, responding to Farrah, “Why would I have anything to do with Teen Mom? I’m 32 years old!” Exactly.

Farrah retracted her comments after she realized that she wouldn’t be able to penetrate the Kardashian forcefield, but tweeted that she hopes Kourtney “takes her relationship w/her boyfriend more serious” for their children’s sake. Psh, with a skeezy daddy like that, I sometimes think their kids would be better off growing up with just their mom.

Adam Carolla made some vile statements about Occupy Wall Street protesters in an interview posted by the conservative Media Research Center. Carolla, who may just want to see his name in the headlines, showed no mercy when he explained why he doesn't support the movement against the increasing income inequality in America and around the world.

Adam says that "envy" is "a big issue," that "didn't used to exist" in this country before.

His bullsh!t continued: "We're now dealing with the first wave of participation trophy, my own fecal matter doesn't stink, empowered, I feel so f*cking good about myself, everyone's a winner, there's no losers, we're dealing with the first wave of those f*cking assholes."

Carolla then said that those who administer youth athletics and award children prizes have created the multi-national movement.

"We’ve created a bunch of f*cking self-entitled monsters... ‘I want my Most Valuable Player trophy.’ ‘Well, you’re the slowest, fattest guy on the team.’ Why should he get one and I don’t?’ ‘Because he busts his ass and he runs a 4.4 40. That’s why he gets one.'"

I can't stand Adam Carolla because he's an unhappy, sexist, racist a*shole. Nothing he has to say is of any value, although he can be funny at times. Last year he released a book titled, "In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks... and Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy." Explains everything.

Mariah Yeater was texting a "friend" who has sold her out to Justin Bieber's lawyer! Mariah promised her John that she would pay him if he kept quiet. "ERASE ALL MESSAGES from my mom," she pleaded; Mariah's mom had sent John messages stating that baby Tristan was fathered by Robbie, Mariah's ex.

Mariah also sent a text message saying that Robbie is Trystan's father! Mariah texted, "[John], would you please stress to Robbie how important it is for him to be in his son's life?.."  Apparently, Mariah forgot about this text, because she didn't ask John to erase it.

John has shared his texts with Howard Weitzman, Justin's lawyer.

Weitzman says "This information proves Mariah Yeater fabricated the story. Our independent investigation indicates Ms. Yeater never met Justin."

He continued: "She has consistently identified another man as the child's father, and Ms. Yeater and her co-conspirators hatched this scheme in order to extort money from him and to sell her story to the media."

We already knew that Mariah was dumb, but the b!tch actually believed Beibus would actually pay her off? She's on a whole other level of stoopid.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck's ongoing campaign to prove that she's the biggest moron to ever have a TV camera pointed at her continued today when Bill Maher - likely one of the smartest men on television - appeared on her show, The View.

Bill Maher on The View

Hasselbeck took issue with some comments Maher made following CBS reporter Lara Logan's brutal attack in Egypt, in which he jokingly offered Hasselbeck in a trade with Egyptian officials. Yes, the joke was offensive to Hasselbeck (That's kinda Maher's thing, and, let's face it, some people deserve to be offended.) but Elisabeth clearly took it to heart in a manner usually reserved for grade schoolers, not public figures who make their living spouting outrageous political views.

Despite her co-hosts best efforts to move on to something a bit more relevant, Hasselbeck refused to drop the issue, condescendingly referring to Maher as "Billy" and even slipping in an astoundingly immature joke about his age that, thankfully, fell flat. Maher, for his part, somehow maintained remarkable composure, well aware that he was on Elisabeth's turf. Let's hope she one day agrees to be on his show, so the two can talk about their issues in slightly more mature fashion.

Kim Kardashian covers the new issue of Marie Claire, and inside the mag she gives a personal, in-depth interview about her marriage. What's really interesting about it, however, is the fact that the interview apparently took place before she decided to divorce Kris Humphries.

"I feel like where we're at right now is the best time in my life," Kim says of her 72-days as Mrs. Humphries. She goes on to praise Kris (her ex-husband, not her mom) and talk about the incredible trust that the two of them share. "He's such a good guy; he is so down-to-earth, and it's such a reality check. He is a normal guy, and I just want to chill out and be normal and not get glammed up all the time. He gets it."

Well, it looks like Kim didn't consider the fact that being a "normal guy" meant not being a millionaire and possibly having to leave LA for career reasons. Oh, well. Maybe she can find some nice, down-to-earth guy with 8 figures in the bank who's cool with the idea of living his life in service of his wife's shameful "career." Is that so much to ask?

Jay-Z was trying to capitalize on an anti-corporate greed movement by creating merchandise to increase revenue at his own corporation, his Rocawear clothing line. Rocawear posted photos of its "Occupy All Streets" t-shirts and told fans to get their very own "dope shirt" in support of the movement even though the company will be donating NONE of the money from sales to the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Occupiers across the country were not impressed. Occupy Wall Street encouraged fans to go to Rocawear to let the company know what it thinks of their T-shirts and hours later, the shirts were gone!

A vocal protestor online named Grim put it best, saying:

"Jay-Z, as talented as he is, has the political sensibility of a hood rat and is a scrotum. To attempt to profit off of the first important social moment of 50 years with an overpriced piece of cotton is an insult to the fight for economic civil rights known as #occupywallstreet."

BAM!