Dumbasses (Page 3)

Someone needs to punch Dottie Sandusky in the throat and take away her laptop so she can't communicate. Jerry Sandusky's butch wife said that the alleged child rapist is innocent. WTF is wrong with the Sanduskys? Why are they always giving interviews?!!!

Dottie looks masculine. Makes sense.

Dottie released a statement through her lawyer that says she's been "shocked and dismayed by the allegations made against Jerry." She also said: "As the mother of six children, I have been devastated by these accusations." I need a translator. WTF is this dumb b!tch saying? "As a mother" she finds it devastating to hear that young children said they were abused, or is she saying that she knows that Jerry, the father of her kids, wouldn't harm other children?!

Dottie concluded with: "Our children, our extended family and friends know how much Jerry and I love kids and have always tried to help and care for them. We would never do anything to hurt them."

Apparently this story is all about Dottie! She continued: "I am so sad anyone would make such a terrible accusation which is absolutely untrue. We don't know why these young men have made these false accusations, but we want everyone to know they are untrue."

"We don't know why" these young men are saying they were abused? Maybe because they were? Just a thought, you pathetic b!tch!!

Does Farrah Abraham pay someone to say stupid things for her on Twitter, or is it all just her? The Teen Mom star attacked Kourtney Kardashian after Kourtney announced her pregnancy, tweeting that the oldest Kardashian sister should be ashamed that she’s preggo with her second child.

“Im Shocked Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again, Did she not learn anything from TEEN MOM? Maybe its a fake pregnancy like kims wedding SAD...age and money honestly do not change a persons poor choice.”

I’ll agree that, yes, having Scott Disick as your baby daddy seems like a poor choice to most sentient human beings, but I don’t think Kourtney should feel bad about having another kid. Her life isn’t as big of a train wreck as her bootylicious younger sister, and she generally seems like a good mother.

Kourtney didn’t just take the hit, responding to Farrah, “Why would I have anything to do with Teen Mom? I’m 32 years old!” Exactly.

Farrah retracted her comments after she realized that she wouldn’t be able to penetrate the Kardashian forcefield, but tweeted that she hopes Kourtney “takes her relationship w/her boyfriend more serious” for their children’s sake. Psh, with a skeezy daddy like that, I sometimes think their kids would be better off growing up with just their mom.

Adam Carolla made some vile statements about Occupy Wall Street protesters in an interview posted by the conservative Media Research Center. Carolla, who may just want to see his name in the headlines, showed no mercy when he explained why he doesn't support the movement against the increasing income inequality in America and around the world.

Adam says that "envy" is "a big issue," that "didn't used to exist" in this country before.

His bullsh!t continued: "We're now dealing with the first wave of participation trophy, my own fecal matter doesn't stink, empowered, I feel so f*cking good about myself, everyone's a winner, there's no losers, we're dealing with the first wave of those f*cking assholes."

Carolla then said that those who administer youth athletics and award children prizes have created the multi-national movement.

"We’ve created a bunch of f*cking self-entitled monsters... ‘I want my Most Valuable Player trophy.’ ‘Well, you’re the slowest, fattest guy on the team.’ Why should he get one and I don’t?’ ‘Because he busts his ass and he runs a 4.4 40. That’s why he gets one.'"

I can't stand Adam Carolla because he's an unhappy, sexist, racist a*shole. Nothing he has to say is of any value, although he can be funny at times. Last year he released a book titled, "In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks... and Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy." Explains everything.

Mariah Yeater was texting a "friend" who has sold her out to Justin Bieber's lawyer! Mariah promised her John that she would pay him if he kept quiet. "ERASE ALL MESSAGES from my mom," she pleaded; Mariah's mom had sent John messages stating that baby Tristan was fathered by Robbie, Mariah's ex.

Mariah also sent a text message saying that Robbie is Trystan's father! Mariah texted, "[John], would you please stress to Robbie how important it is for him to be in his son's life?.."  Apparently, Mariah forgot about this text, because she didn't ask John to erase it.

John has shared his texts with Howard Weitzman, Justin's lawyer.

Weitzman says "This information proves Mariah Yeater fabricated the story. Our independent investigation indicates Ms. Yeater never met Justin."

He continued: "She has consistently identified another man as the child's father, and Ms. Yeater and her co-conspirators hatched this scheme in order to extort money from him and to sell her story to the media."

We already knew that Mariah was dumb, but the b!tch actually believed Beibus would actually pay her off? She's on a whole other level of stoopid.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck's ongoing campaign to prove that she's the biggest moron to ever have a TV camera pointed at her continued today when Bill Maher - likely one of the smartest men on television - appeared on her show, The View.

Bill Maher on The View

Hasselbeck took issue with some comments Maher made following CBS reporter Lara Logan's brutal attack in Egypt, in which he jokingly offered Hasselbeck in a trade with Egyptian officials. Yes, the joke was offensive to Hasselbeck (That's kinda Maher's thing, and, let's face it, some people deserve to be offended.) but Elisabeth clearly took it to heart in a manner usually reserved for grade schoolers, not public figures who make their living spouting outrageous political views.

Despite her co-hosts best efforts to move on to something a bit more relevant, Hasselbeck refused to drop the issue, condescendingly referring to Maher as "Billy" and even slipping in an astoundingly immature joke about his age that, thankfully, fell flat. Maher, for his part, somehow maintained remarkable composure, well aware that he was on Elisabeth's turf. Let's hope she one day agrees to be on his show, so the two can talk about their issues in slightly more mature fashion.

Kim Kardashian covers the new issue of Marie Claire, and inside the mag she gives a personal, in-depth interview about her marriage. What's really interesting about it, however, is the fact that the interview apparently took place before she decided to divorce Kris Humphries.

"I feel like where we're at right now is the best time in my life," Kim says of her 72-days as Mrs. Humphries. She goes on to praise Kris (her ex-husband, not her mom) and talk about the incredible trust that the two of them share. "He's such a good guy; he is so down-to-earth, and it's such a reality check. He is a normal guy, and I just want to chill out and be normal and not get glammed up all the time. He gets it."

Well, it looks like Kim didn't consider the fact that being a "normal guy" meant not being a millionaire and possibly having to leave LA for career reasons. Oh, well. Maybe she can find some nice, down-to-earth guy with 8 figures in the bank who's cool with the idea of living his life in service of his wife's shameful "career." Is that so much to ask?

Jay-Z was trying to capitalize on an anti-corporate greed movement by creating merchandise to increase revenue at his own corporation, his Rocawear clothing line. Rocawear posted photos of its "Occupy All Streets" t-shirts and told fans to get their very own "dope shirt" in support of the movement even though the company will be donating NONE of the money from sales to the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Occupiers across the country were not impressed. Occupy Wall Street encouraged fans to go to Rocawear to let the company know what it thinks of their T-shirts and hours later, the shirts were gone!

A vocal protestor online named Grim put it best, saying:

"Jay-Z, as talented as he is, has the political sensibility of a hood rat and is a scrotum. To attempt to profit off of the first important social moment of 50 years with an overpriced piece of cotton is an insult to the fight for economic civil rights known as #occupywallstreet."

BAM!

The curse of Two and a Half Men continues for Ashton Kutcher. First, he was involved in his first sex scandal shortly after taking Charlie Sheen's old job, now he's taken a Twitter vow of silence after accidentally defending a man accused of helping cover up rampant child molestation. Whoops.

In case you're unaware (as Ashton was) Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was fired this week after it was found that he may have helped conceal the fact that a member of his coaching staff was using a charity organization to help him molest children. Shockingly, Kutcher tweeted last night, "How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste."

As it turns out, Ashton is just ignorant and not freaking insane, and he was unaware of the why Paterno had been fired (despite the scandal making headlines for some time now). After being on the receiving end of an epic barrage of insults, Ashton deleted the tweet, apologized, and vowed to shut down his Twitter until he finds a way to "better manage his feed." Here's an idea - how about running a quick Google search before you comment on major news stories? Just a thought.

(Photo: WENN)

Michelle Duggar, 45, is expecting her 20th child with husband Jim Bob Duggar. Michelle made the announcement on the Today Show this morning, saying: "We are so excited. I feel good. I am past the sickness stage now." That's good to know considering that she almost died while giving birth to her 19th baby.

Michelle's 19th child, Josie, was born at 25 weeks, weighed only 1lb, 6 oz. and almost died. Today, Josie is developing normally and doesn't have any longterm effects from her premature birth. The 20th Duggard baby is due in April. All of the couple's children have names that start with a J. They have good taste.

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Religious freaks will always be nothing but religious freaks. Michelle will have as many children as her body will allow. And then when she can no longer conceive, she'll go into pre-partum depression. It's like postpartum, but for psychotic attention whore baby addicts. I'm hoping that she'll have a safe pregnancy and delivery so that she won't leave 19 or 20 children alone without a mother.

Michael Lohan doesn't let us down. After he allegedly put the smack down on Kate Major because she wouldn't perform oral, he was arrested, released and told not to contact her, but he called her so he was arrested yet again.. Whew!

Now comes the good stuff. Michael was trying to scurry around like a stealth Spiderman before he was arrested last night. According to the police report obtained by Radar Online, Michael initially was seen hiding behind a pillar, but when the cops asked him to come out, he took off up a stairwell. Michael apparently leapt from his balcony and grabbed hold of the roof. As the report says, "He then must have scurried across the roof (about 30 feet) until he thought he was hanging over top of the next balcony. The defendant (Michael) then let go but missed the balcony."

Obviously Michael Spiderman, is just a Spiderpig. The report, which also states Michael had "consumed alcohol and drugs," goes on to say Michael fell 34 feet, landing on top of wooden high chairs, and then hid in some trees directly below where he was apprehended. Michael's mouth was full of blood from where he bit his tongue, and he also injured his foot.

You mean to tell me Mr. Sobriety was f*cked up when all of this happened last night? Is this not the best Michael Lohan story you've ever heard in your life? I'm dying over here!

Photo: WENN