Dumbasses (Page 9)

Jesse James is trying very hard to change the fact that everyone and their mother thinks he’s the scummiest scum on earth. But he is failing so freaking badly, it hurts. Jesse just can’t seem to understand why America still hates him after that one time he cheated on his ex-wife, Sandra Bullock, with a questionable-Nazi-sympathizer who looks like a cross between X-rated roadkill and Hot Topic skank.

His latest futile attempt to show that he’s really not a bad guy comes in the form of his new fame-whorish tell-all book The Outlaw. Jesse uses ‘deep’ faux-poetic language in an attempt to justify the fact that he is a total dickhead, but now he’s spewing this infuriating crap out in the open so that everyone can hear it.

While promoting his memoir, Jesse told Howard Stern on his radio show that sex with fiance Kat Von D is “100 percent” better than sexy time with Sandra Bullock. I have half a mind to punch this dude in the face. 

He also tries to explain why the public should forgive him for his philandering, but I’m just not buying it:  "Just because I cheated on my wife and got busted for it, and it became a whole media s--tstorm, it doesn't mean that I'm not valuable. I'm sorry it happened. I'm sorry it went down the way it did, but I forgive myself and now I can move on."

Okay. What totally matters in this situation is whether or not you forgive yourself. Think again, bucko!

Photo: Wenn

Donald Trump frequently calls everyone but himself "A DISASTER" but it looks like he has dug his own grave and his publicity campaign has backfired. Who's "The worst president in the history of the United States" now?!

Trump claimed that Barack wasn't born in the States, then Barack released his birth certificate. He has also said that Obama wasn't smart enough to get into an Ivy League school and he doesn't believe that Barack wrote his books.

The Donald was forced to be humble for a few seconds to congratulate President Obama and the military after Osama Bin Laden was killed.

Trump tweeted: "I want to personally congratulate President Obama and the men and women of the Armed Forces for a job very well done.I am so proud to see Americans standing shoulder to shoulder, waving the American flag in celebration of this great victory. We should spend the next several days not debating party politics, but in remembrance of those who lost their lives on 9/11 and those fighting for our freedom. God Bless America."

Donald needs a few days to refuel and think of his next tactic to discredit Obama. Poor Trump also doesn't want to be humiliated any more than he was at the roast so he's basically begging us to stop making him a walking punchline. We'll stop making fun of Donny when he stops giving us material.

Photo: Wenn

Just days after ex-Jersey Shore cast member Angelina Pivarnick announced her pregnancy, presumably with then-fiance David Kovacs, the two have split up for good. Kovacs revealed that his drama-magnet girlfriend cheated on him, so he ended things.

"I got a text from a fire fighter who actually apologized for sleeping with Angelina saying he just found out she was engaged."

Along with discovering her secret fire fighter rendezvous, her ex-fiance also found text conversations between Angelina and multiple dudes and "a pair of guy's underwear in her car." Presumably, the underwear didn’t belong to him, so Angelina must have been doing the nasty with at least one more guidette-lover than her ex-boo.

Now, this creates some very interesting tabloid fodder. Angie having a child out of wedlock? NBD. Angie not knowing who the father of her child is? BFD. Let the babydaddy drama begin, everyone!

Kim Kardashian won't just come out and say that she's naturally as hairy as the apes at the zoo. Instead, she tries to act like she waxes her body down just because that's what every sexy young woman should do. Not true. While many, myself, girls didn't even have their period at the age of 12, Kim was spreading her snatch lips and getting bikini waxes. But the lunacy didn't end there, Kim also says that she was waxing the baby hairs off of her forehead.

"If you look at pictures of me from even three years ago, I had like two inches of baby hairs on my forehead. 'But they weren't thick enough to slick back, so they were permanently down and I would wax them all the time and now I lasered them and now they don't come back."

Kim also told Us magazine that she gets laser hair removal on her legs, arms, underarms, and neck. You know this b!tch purposely didn't mention her back!

Photos: Wenn

Nicolas Cage, he's just like us! Nicolas Cage was arrested last night after the drunken actor kept asking the police, "Why don't you just arrest me?"

You know how bad ideas sound genius when you're f*cked up? It's okay Nic, you're just as retarded as the rest of us while wasted out of our minds.

TMZ reports that a cab driver noticed Nicolas arguing loudly with his wife Alice. The drive also claims that Nic pushed her.

The police came and told Nic and his wife to just go home. That's when Nic allegedly told cops, "Why don't you just arrest me?" The cops then reiterated that he and his wife should just go home. Cage then repeated his dare to cops.

At that point, police took Nic into custody and charged him with ...domestic abuse and disturbing the peace.

Nic is still in custody and a bail hearing will be held soon. Nic's wife says there was no physical contact and she does not want him charged. On the bright side, his dumb a*s may learn a lesson from this.

You know how some people don't think before they speak? Believe it or not, the same happens with Tweeting. American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis made a fool of himself when he compared "Glee" to "a puddle of HIV."

Tuesday, Bret posed the following question on Twitter: "I like the idea of Glee, but why is it that every time I watch an episode I feel like I've stepped into a puddle of HIV?"

So was Bret drunk or smoking crack when he posted that message on Twitter? In a response to all of the criticism he has received for his harsh remark, Bret posted another tweet and made it clear he's just a tool.

"No, I wasn't drunk last night. I was watching Chris Colfer singing 'Le Jazz Hot' and felt like I had suddenly come down with the hivs."

Way to go dumb@ss! Some folks are just idiots, and Bret is one of those people. You can't fix stupid.

Kobe Bryant was p!ssed off over being hit with a technical foul during the Lakers game last night, and was seen mouthing the words 'f*cking fa**ot' in anger toward the referee on camera. Kobe later apologized for offending anyone, saying, "My actions were out of frustration during the heat of the game, period. The words expressed do NOT reflect my feelings towards the gay and lesbian communities and were NOT meant to offend anyone."

It was too late for an apology because after reviewing the situation, the NBA fined Kobe $100,000 for his homophobic slur. NBA commissioner David Stern says "While I’m fully aware that basketball is an emotional game, such a distasteful term should never be tolerated.  Accordingly, I have fined Kobe $100,000.  Kobe and everyone associated with the NBA know that insensitive or derogatory comments are not acceptable and have no place in our game or society.”

Kobe did an interview on ESPN radio today and says he will appeal the fine because it's "standard protocol." He also said he has concern for those who follow what he says and look to him as a role model. He doesn't want them to take what he said "as a message of hate or a license to degrade ... or to embarrass or tease ... because that's something I don't wanna see have happen."

If you wanna look like a role model, admit you f*cked up and pay the fine!

Photo: WENN

Glee creator Ryan Murphy lashed out at the Kings of Leon, telling them "f*ck you" and calling them "self-centered a*sholes" because they didn't want their hit song "Use Somebody" covered on Fox's trainwreck of a show.

Kings of Leon responded by saying that they didn't know where Ryan's venom was coming from. Then drummer Nathan Followill told Ryan to "get a manicure, buy a bra," and the feud raged on. A few weeks ago, Foo Fighters singer Dave Grohl ripped Ryan a new one because Ryan has a history of insulting musicians that don't want to lend him their music for the show.

This has all been a PR nightmare, and Ryan has apologized for his bad behavior, issuing the following statement:

"I didn't speak with as much clarity as I would have liked. Who am I to say 'F--k you?' ...I think Kings of Leon are cool as shit. The Foo Fighters are brilliant. We'd love to do one [of] their songs, if they were ever interested. But if it's not their thing, then OK. I personally wish them luck, will still listen to their music..."

This has been one of the best feuds we've seen in a while. Kings of Leon got Ryan to bow down and claim that they're "cool as shit" and he even called The Foo Fighters "brilliant" before begging both bands to let him use their music. Talk about being someone's bitch! Ryan also clearly has an ulterior motive for apologizing: He still REALLY wants to use Kings of Leon's song.

Score: Kings of Leon 5,438, Ryan Murphy: -47

Teen Mom 2 star Jenelle Evans, 19, is following in the footsteps of Teen Mom rival Farrah Abraham, who also said that she was broke. Teen Mom 2 hasn't been on the air for very long and Jenelle has already spent her salary.

Amber Portwood makes big money from Teen Mom, but her series has been running longer than the second installment of the hit series, and Teen Mom ratings are better than Teen Mom 2 ratings.

According to Hollybaby, Jenelle spent out her money on clothes and a new Volkswagon Jetta. Jennelle says that she'd like to make money from modeling. “Modeling would be nice, but probably not an option because I have Jace to take care of!” Jenelle also revealed that she wants to be an actress. That's not such a bad idea. She can play herself, like Charlie Sheen does on Two and a Half Men.

Jenelle organized a photographer to take some shots of her in a bikini on the beach in North Carolina to get some publicity for herself. “I’m going to get a couple more tattoos.” 

So Chris Brown acted like a 2-year-old when he threw a temper tantrum and trashed his dressing room after his 'Good Morning America' interview. Oh yeah, he also busted a window. Well, in true 2-year-old fashion, it took Chris a while to realize he was a bad boy, and he's finally apologizing.

"First of all, I just wanna apologize to anybody who was startled in the office, anybody who was offended or really disappointed in my actions, because I was disappointed with the way I acted.”

Chris said before an interview they have a talking points sheet, but Robin apparently went off the script. When she asked about the Rihanna incident, Chris says he felt like "they told us this just so they could get us on the show so they can exploit me."

"When I got back [stage] I just let off steam. I didn't physically hurt anyone, I didn't try to hurt anyone, I just wanted to release the anger that I had inside me because I felt that I worked so hard for this music and I felt like people kept just trying to take it away from me."