Call me a hater, but Ellen DeGeneres sucked on American Idol last night. Ellen is getting good reviews thus far, but Ellen being praised for her judging on American Idol reminds me of Sarah Palin debating Joe Biden. Sarah made it through the debate, therefore people exclaimed that she "did GOOD!"

Ellen did great considering the circumstances: Big a*s ego to her right, bright a*s lights above her head, Kara DioGuardi on her left, and dozens of contestants sitting behind her or singing in front of her trying to earn her approval.

She was "funny" at times when the show desperately needed some comedic relief; but the reason why DeGeneres was unable to shine was because she is out of her element!

Ellen said: "I'll tell you one thing, when people say, 'What do you know about music?' I'll tell you what I do know. I do know what it's like to stand on stage and try to please an entire room full of people. That is a hard thing to do." That intro was brilliant.  But as the episode continued, Ellen became virtually mute. You could also tell that there is tension between Ellen and Simon Cowell. When Ellen told a contestant that his performance was "dull," Simon then asked her, "So did you like it?" which was really rude and annoyed Ellen.

Ellen seemed out of place and tired. Poor thing. She was great at tallying votes, she's like a human calculator; but Ellen is brilliant - a total genius of wit. Unfortunately she's not in the proper forum to do what she does best and she's definitely not the best candidate to be critiquing music, either. Telling a contestant that he is "stalking" the judges because he's intense has sh*t to do with vocals and saying so is kind of a waste of camera time.

Ellen may get much better, and last night's Idol was her very first episode. I'm cutting her some slack, I am. It's just that Degeneres' debut performance did not justify why she's on the panel other than Idol execs want to pull in anyone they can to spike the show's decreasing ratings. It is so time for Howard Stern, baby!

Oh Ellen, sweetheart, did you think that you wouldn't have to deal with Simon Cowell's ego? B*tch, please.

Ellen DeGeneres arrived to her first American Idol taping nervous, excited, and on time only to discover that Simon and his bad haircut were nowhere to be found. This is Simon's last season on the show, so he probably doesn't care about punctuality.

Simon Cowell showed up an hour and a half late for the taping, and a very angry Ellen called Simon a "prima donna!" This is sad! Does Ellen think that Simon hasn't been called much worse over the course of his career? B*tch, please.

To accommodate both her talk show hosting duties and her American Idol judging duties, she had moved up her schedule so that now she shot the talk show earlier in the day and then jumped in the car to go to Idol.

"Right from the start, the chemistry isn't great."

This is where the story begins to sound fictitious, or maybe Ellen is that anal. But Ellen is said to have contacted her friend who brought her to Idol, Mike Darnell, and asked him to "hurry up and pick" Simon's replacement. Guess who I don't feel sorry for? Ellen! Guess who created the show? Simon! I'm sure this isn't the first time Simon's been late and it won't be the last. Drumroll, aloud, and all together now ... B*tch, please!

The countdown has begun for Ellen Degeneres' first appearance on American Idol during Hollywood week, and I'm wondering if she's going to ball up in tears when she has to really deal with Simon. She's got this big, bubbly heart that Simon Cowell is going to be on before the new season is over.

In a new interview, Ellen says that she and Simon respect each other and he's a good judge, but that he's a mean old Brit.

"We both like each other and accept one another. At the same time ... I think he says things in an insensitive way and I don't think that's the way to get a point across. I've called him on it to his face ... We'll respectfully disagree sometimes. A lot of times I agree with Simon. I think he's got a really good eye and he's a smart guy when it comes to the talent onstage. But he's mean."

We'll get some kind of drama out of Ellen and Simon Cowell before the season is over. I wish they could replace him, because that thick, short mop on his head known has his hair gets on my nerves. I don't know why, but his hair bothers me almost as bad as a bladder infection. Those suck.

Here's your first look at Ellen Degeneres doing a sexy pose for her American Idol promo pic. She's sporting her usual button up shirt with a vest. Does it scare ya? Are you ready for a non-singing celebrity to take Paula Abdul's spot on the panel?

I am! I think she'll bring some much needed humor to the show, and I was getting tired of Paula, anyway. Watching Paula slur her words and do the seal clap was wearing on my nerves, and I think she wore out her welcome. No matter what they say, you know she didn't get along well with Kara DioGuardi, and one of them was gonna get the boot.

Besides, it's up to us to pick the next American Idol, and Simon, Randy, Ellen, and Kara's opinions can only go so far. Cheers to Ellen for taking Paula's spot, and hopefully bringing a much needed change of pace to the show!

Adam Lambert clearly began his career on a very shocking note, but now he's promising to change directions.

Adam Lambert posted the following message on his Twitter yesterday: "AMA performance was a one time event. Goin in a new direction now. Focus back on the music...Don't worry friends: I'm still gonna be me. Always. W/o apologies. Just gonna experiment differently w how I present myself...I'm learning. :)"

In addition to his Tweets, Lambert will appear on the Ellen DeGeneres show today where he discusses all things American Music Awards.

On what he thinks of his performance now:

"I think in hindsight I look back on it and I go, 'OK, maybe that wasn't the best first impression to make again, the first second impression.' I mean, I had fun up there, I had a good time, my dancers had fun and the band had fun."

On being misunderstood:

"I respect people and feel like people walked away from that feeling disrespected. I would never intend to disrespect anybody. So that was not my intention."

On gay male stereotypes:

"People aren't used to seeing gay man portrayed that way on TV. The gay male image in the media tends to be very cliche and safe...I was putting on a character, putting on a persona being this kind of rock star, kind of dangerous kind of guy.

On his dad suggesting that he should apologize:

"I was like, 'You know, Dad, I don't feel like I did anything wrong.' It just wasn't maybe the right judgement call. It's a taste thing more than an obscenity thing. I think it's just a taste level."

On ABC canceling his Good Morning America performance:

"I don't blame them. I got carried away...They gave me a great opportunity to close the AMAs and I would never want to smack that gift horse in the mouth. I think they were taking a leap of faith having me do that and it unfortunately it didn't work out as we all thought it would."

I liked Adam before his performance and I like Adam after his performance. He has talent in spades. It really is time to "focus back on the music" and hopefully others can move the eff on.

Ever the articulate has been, Katharine McPhee weighs in on Paula Abdul's replacement. While performing for a Los Angeles Regional Foodbank benefit concert on Monday night, McPhee said that it "wouldn't surprise" her if Simon Cowell also left Idol.

Katharine claims that Simon, Randy and Paula have been judging "for so many years," so it's natural that some  of 'em may want to go. She's apparently unaware of how badly Paula wanted to stay!

Kat says,

"People try to figure out the real stories and I'm like, 'Who cares? She wants to go.' I imagine some of the crazed fans who love Idol and don't want it to change at all would be upset, but I think it's a great changeup."

Katharine says that Ellen brings "the cool factor" and she can't explain what's so cool about her, but she just is."You can go around and around and say, 'What can she bring to the show?' but she's just cool!"

Yet another reason why I've never had McPheever. "Who cares? She wants to go," Katharine speaks about shiz she knows nothing about. What is she, a gossip blogger?

Ellen DeGeneres is jumping the shark by signing on to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol. The hilarious host says she's heard that a lot of folks like myself are skeptical about her qualifications. On today's show, Portia de Rossi's wifey fires back.

Ellen DeGeneres says:

"I'll tell you right now, how I know I'm going to be a great judge ... I've spent my whole life being judged. So I know what it's like. So I will be kind. I will be compassionate. I will be empathetic, and I will be truthful. I will be an honest judge without being mean.

"I thought America had moved past this. First, we have the first African American President.  We've sworn in our first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice. I think American Idol is ready for their first blonde judge ... I do.

"I'm very excited to be on the show. I will tell you that right now. I just continue to be excited every single day."

Ellen then told Paula Abdul that she wants her wig back and that she has never patted her a*s like Paula did when she was dancing like her. As much as I disapprove of Ellen replacing Paula, she may prove everyone wrong. I'm interested in her showing us all what she's got!

Paula Abdul is a dancer and former choreographer, so executing Ellen DeGeneres' signature moves that Ellen does on her talk show must have been easy for Paula.

Paula Abdul looked like she had a little too much fun as she shook her a*s and acted just like Ellen does. It was perfection. Paula is obviously bitter, but at least she gets us all to laugh about it.

Pill popping princess Paul Abdul did what celebs do best these days which is talk through twitter.

Paula wanted to let us all know she sends kudos to Ellen on her new judging gig on American Idol.

“I think Ellen will b a gr8 judge on Idol. She is wildly funny, talented and I wish her the best of luck!”

Come on now, she can't seriously be happy that Ellen is taking her spot! Paula's gonna pull a Tonya Harding and have someone bust Ellen's knee caps before the first show. I know we can't get lucky enough to have some drama like that between Paula and Ellen but it would make for some great TV!

Ellen DeGeneres will be replacing Paula Abdul on American Idol. So what exactly are Ms. Degeneres' credentials?

She says, "I have not missed one episode," she loves to dance, and she frequently sings off key. I smell some sh*t and it came from a bull, y'all, cause this is some straight bullsh*t!

After the audition rounds, which will feature celebrity judges, Ellen will fill Paula's seat beginning in January.

At yesterday's taping of the Ellen DeGeneres Show, Ellen announced, "I've been dying to tell everyone. It's just been so hard to keep it a secret and we just finally got the OK and I'm so excited. It is going to be so much fun."

Music is not this woman's area of expertise and she's probably going to try to be funny. American Idol isn't the right fit for Ellen's snarky sarcastic genius. She thinks that judging will "be so much fun," but how fun will it be when she doesn't have an ear for music? And to think that Paula couldn't get the money that you know Idol will be paying Ellen. I guess this is a lame attempt for Idol producers to spike ratings and prove that they're not sexist. Can I vote Ellen off the show?

Check out the video of Ellen talking about being the new judge after the jump!