Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood apparently got back together for the 4,000th time, because last night they announced that they've broken up for the 4,000th time. And by "announced" we mean Gary fired off a bunch of Tweets that sound like they're ripped from the diary of the world's emo-est 14 year-old girl.

• "I’m completely through w amber No more back n fourth sh*t. I got my precious baby u got your precious anderson men hope your sins r worth it"
• "Hard to turn u away today, heading u cry was hard but your actions were terrible and this time there was no reason for what u did. No love."
• "Moving on I’m bout to kick it with honors with my last night til I get Leah back from grandmas. Thank u mom for everything."

Gary went on to Tweet that he's "got a date tonight" which obviously indicates that he's so broken up about losing Amber that he's begun to hallucinate.

Anyway, the tone of the Tweets seem to suggest that Gary and Amber are really done for good this time. Many have speculated that "anderson men" refers to men from Anderson, Indiana who Amber was apparently cheating with. Of course, it's possible that she's created an army of Anderson Cooper clones with whom she plans to storm and pillage every Taco Bell in the midwest. Hey, she's gotta try to hold onto the spotlight somehow, right?

Look out Pillsbury Doughboy/Gary Shirley! After two months of treatment, Teen Mom star Amber Portwood has been released from rehab. The 21-year-old fame whore supposedly attempted suicide in June, and checked herself into the Seasons Recovery Center in Malibu for some much needed therapy. But now she’s out in the world once more! Cue confetti.

And what about her daughter, Leah? According to one of her ex-boyfriend Gary Shirley’s attorneys, Amber will probably lose custody of her daughter, though in the future she may be able to regain it if she can “maintain a clean track record.” I have serious doubts that Amber can resist the urge to smack a b!tch. It’s like the call of the wild for this one. Primally irressistable.

The lawyer hinted, however, that Amber and Gary may move in together so that she can be a full-time mother, even if the judge decides Amber shouldn’t get custody of (AKA be around all the time) her kid. Yep, that sounds like a greeeat idea. Someone better stock up on some horse tranquilizers if he knows what’s best for him! And by ‘someone,’ I’m talking to you, Gary!

Ah, Gary Shirley. You get classier every day. The former Teen Mom star and Amber Portwood punching bag has reportedly been a regular fixture at several Florida strip clubs and today TMZ released photos of Gary's finest hour - an 11-hour $5,000 dollar bender that Gary enjoyed with the two refined ladies seen below.

Witnesses at the Miami-area club say Gary arrived around 1 am and made it rain until about noon the next day. Not the kind of behavior you expect from a dude who claims his top priority is his young daughter. But hey, have you seen the guy? We're not exactly shocked that he's gotta pay for it.

(Photos: TMZ)

Now that their kid is old enough to realize how supremely effed-up her parents are, it seems that Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley are attempting something that kinda resembles an adult relationship. Sadly, it took a (probably fake) suicide attempt to get them to this point.

One week after Amber's dramatic cry for help, Gary has taken to his Facebook page to accept partial responsibility for her psychosis and assure fans that everything is kosher with reality TV's most dysfunctional couple. Gary described himself as "very pro-Amber" in the wake of his baby mama's public meltdown. "I have made threatening comments before, yes...but the last time was a year ago," he continues. "I have grown since and I really realized how much it hurts a mother and I'm deeply sorry for that."

Well, they say admitting that your violent threats may have caused your girlfriend's suicide attempt is the first sign of maturity. Actually, no one who's not on meth says that, but still, it's nice to see Gary finally acknowledging that he can't do any better.

(Photo: Fame)

Just when it seemed like the Amber Portwood drama had hit its high, she tops it off by attempting suicide and being hospitalized. It never ends with this girl, and her brother Shawn Portwood spoke with E! News yesterday, telling them he believes Gary Shirley is the root of Amber's ongoing problems.

"Amber told us she had a panic attack last night after Gary began calling her names, telling her he was going to take Leah away from her. He's verbally abusive to her. Our whole family thinks he's the reason behind all of Amber's problems. He's constantly threatening to take Leah away."

Shawn also said it was Gary's mother who called police and says nobody told them Amber was taken to the hospital. He also believes Gary is the 'source' who told Star magazine that Amber allegedly had a noose around her neck and said she admitted she had taken pills.

Gary's mother has never liked Amber and Shawn believes the entire family has something against his sister.

"Based on their actions, I really think Gary and his family are trying to keep Leah away from Amber."

At this point in time, it's best if Leah's not around her mother if she's trying to kill herself! Why is it so hard for Amber and Gary to see they're horrible for each other and they have no business being together?

Hmmm. It probably has something to do with that little thing called the 'Teen Mom' paycheck.

Photo: WENN

When will these love birds ever learn?!? According to numerous reports, Gary Shirley was arrested yesterday after a police officer observed Gary and Amber having an argument in Gary's car not too far from the Alexandria Police and Fire Dispatch Center. Dumb@sses!

According to the police report, the officer "could hear a female arguing with a male inside the vehicle. I continued to listen to the female yelling inside the vehicle. I observed a female exit the vehicle from the passenger side and walk across the road to the apartment house still yelling."

Yep, sounds like typical Amber behavior! The officer approached Gary's car and asked for identification. Gary had his, but Amber claimed she was waiting to receive hers from the DMV so Gary busted out the whole we're on 'Teen Mom' line as a way to give the office some type of identification on Amber, like the cop religiously watches that shiz on MTV.

Amber's information came back clear, but Gary was driving on a suspended license so he was double cuffed (because he's a big boy), stuffed, and sent to the pokey. Gary was released on $3,000 bail. He has already jumped on Twitter regarding his arrest and claims Amber wasn't arguing with him, "she was upset about something someone did to her."

Yeah Gary, good one. I'm sure there's another argument brewing that has nothing to do with Gary but he'll get sucked in and screamed at anyway.

Gary Shirley has teamed up with a personal trainer in an attempt to drop serious weight, and I'm sure it has something to do with winning Amber Portwood back too. Gary has already lost eight pounds, but his trainer would like to see him drop 92 more.

Gary's trainer told TMZ, "I definitely want to see him lose and I’ll do everything in my power to see that it happens, but it just takes commitment on his part."

Gary has been doing intense cardio workouts including elliptical and treadmill exercises, and weight training. He has also been instructed to adhere to a low-carb diet.

Since the restraining order against Amber has been lifted, it looks as if he's doing everything he can to impress her. If Gary's serious about this weight loss and puts everything he has into it, we might be looking at the next Brad Pitt in the making. Watch out world.

If everyone else is going to make bank with Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley's drama, then Amber's dad Shawn Portwood might as well get in on the action too. Shawn spoke with the National Enquirer about Amber and Gary's relationship, and claims Gary committed statutory rape. 

Gary Shirley was 19 when he began dating 15-year-old Amber, and if the two were getting their poke on before Amber was 16 it could be considered statutory rape in the state of Indiana. Shawn Portwood says if he had known Gary was sleeping with Amber before she was 16, he would be a dead man.

"Amber and Gary told me that they waited until she was 16 to start having sex and she got pregnant the first time, but I think they were lying."

"They'd been going together for over a year by then, and if I had known Gary was having sex with my daughter, I would have killed him!"

If you've watched Teen Mom, then you know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because Amber's dad is complete trash just like her. He's upset his baby girl is going through so much drama, and made out to look like the bad guy, so he wants to throw Gary under the bus too. Guess what Shawn, you all suck!

Amber Portwood is trying to bang the entire state of Indiana one redneck at a time, and now that she no longer has to worry about taking care of that pesky toddler she gave birth to, there's nothing stopping her. Amazingly, Amber has found yet another sucker who has never heard of TV or the internet and has no idea why there are so many paparazzi following his new chunky slump-buster around town.

She's successfully hidden him from the cameras thus far, but several sources have confirmed that Amber and her new man, Mike Rayn, have been dating for several weeks now. Amber and Mike recently attended the Indianapolis Colts last play-off game where even Peyton Manning was driven to distraction by the idea of Amber Portwood getting knocked-up again. Ugh. You can't type "Portwood" and "pregnant" in the same sentence without throwing up in your mouth a little.

Amber dumped her last boyfriend, Clinton Yunkers, because she decided to try to get back together with baby daddy Gary Shirley. The fact that she's not legally allowed to be in the same building as him kinda ruined that reconciliation.