Gisele Bundchen
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I don't like homewreckers, therefore, I don't like Gisele Bundchen. I also don't like Gisele because she's married to the gorgeousness that is Tom Brady. But I'm able to sleep at night knowing that 2 beautiful people = 1 ugly baby. And I hope that Gisele Bundchen's baby gives Christina Aguilera's creation with her bat boy husband a run for the fug trophy.

Here's the overpaid supermodel in a bikini on the beach. The pic was published on a Brazilian blog. We already know what's going to happen here. Gisele is going to give birth, then every media outlet will ask her (and write articles about) how she lost her baby weight.

We already know the answer! Gisele is a naturally skinny woman who is destined to be thin via good genetics. THAT is the reason why she will be thin, like, six hours after giving birth. You can tell that Gisele is gaining all of her weight where she is carrying her child. But people will be gawking in wonder and amazement over how quickly Gisele gets small after the baby is here, which I find hilarious.

Ms. Bundchen has a bun in the oven.

Gisele has said that Tom Brady's son John Moynahan, with ex-fiance Bridget Moynahan, is her baby. Well now Ms. Bundchen will have two kids. Gisele was recently spotted sporting a baby bump earlier this week and sources have confirmed the pregnancy news.

Gisele Bundchen is a homewrecking b*tch who felt intimidated by Tom's bond with his baby mama so she's gonna be a mother now too. On the bright side, this baby has some of the best genes in thee world. Can't wait 'til he or she gets here.

Tom Brady was kayaking in Brookline Massachusetts' Charles River a few weeks ago when he fell into the water.

Tom Brady was with his wifey Gisele Bundchen and a friend at the time. Gisele's bony a*s couldn't save him of course, and there's no word on what was up with the friend. Luckily a  female school teacher saved the day.

Robin Leads rescued Tom's sexy a*s and said,

"We were tying up our boat to a buoy and the boat boy came over and said 'You are never going to guess who is on the Charles renting kayaks right now' and he said 'Do you want to go check it out.' I said 'yeah,' "

But when the pair got close to Brady and Bundchen, they realized the quarterback had fallen in the river. Leed helped Brady into her motor boat.

"I actually asked him why he fell in. He said he was racing one of his friends. It was Tom, Gisele and his friend...so he was racing his friend,"

Afterwards, Leeds asked for a photo with Brady, who replied, "Of course! You saved my life."

Leeds adds that Brady was "really friendly, really appreciative that we fished him out of the Charles. We talked about how beautiful the weather it was," Leeds says.

Awww.

On her stepson, John Monyahan.

"I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that. But to me, it's not like because somebody else delivered him, that's not my child �" I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that's important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine. I already feel like he's my son, from the first day. He's a little angel �" the sweetest, most cuddly, loving baby. I feel blessed to have him in my life."

Leave it up to a supermodel to take ownership of the baby she carried for zero months and did not push out through her vag lips. I can't believe Bridget said John is 100 percent her child?!!!! Homewreckers, I'll always hate 'em.

Tom Brady and wife Gisele Bundchen were spotted heading to Gisele's hometown of Brazil for some honeymoon fucking. Have fun, kids!

Here's the first picture of Gisele Bundchen in her Dolce & Gabana wedding gown, a glimpse at Tom's ring and homewrecker Gisele holding his son John Monahan.

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Gisele Bündchen says she and Tom Brady aren't engaged.

"I don't know how people are so creative. First [TMZ] said he proposed to me in a plane. Imagine, it was Dec. 24, Christmas, we were flying to Boston, then there was some champagne and we celebrated the date.

"Ready? Someone deduced I was getting engaged! I received more than 100 e-mails from friends commenting about the proposal. Now there's a new rumor [in People magazine], that he proposed to me on last Friday [sic]. I wasn't even there, how can that be true?"

She also denied the People report that they plan to wed in Costa Rica.

"This talk of Costa Rica must be for the fact I have a house there," she said.

This is a nightmare for staff at People magazine. Forget TMZ, they're allowed to be inaccurate at times but People is supposed to hold higher standards. And how annoying! You're trying to have a beautiful fuckship with yo man and website after website announces that you're tying the knot. No wonder there's couples like Beyonce and Jay-Z out there that deny everything. I don't blame 'em.

Us Weekly via The Boston Herald

Whew! I was getting skurred, because this is not the way things should go down with Thomas and Gisele. First, Tom must knock up Gisele in what seems to be a common practice modern day matrimony pre-requisite - just like he did when he dumped his pregnant ex-fiance, Bridget Moynahan. Next, Gisele will birth four kids instead of one. I'm sure three of them would be gorgeous and one of them would be fug. I would then go on to tease the fug one relentlessly just like I did with Suri Cruise, because it's all for good luck. Look at how adorable Suri is now? Insults can prompt positive changes. I know this because Suri will be thanking me later, and so will Tom and Gisele (after they split), and Bridget will live happily ever after.

People

Gisele Bundchen is reportedly planning her wedding to New England hottie Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. The couple will not have a long engagement, only a small wedding ceremony in Costa Rica or Brazil.

"[She is] making secret, low-key wedding plans with boyfriend of two years Tom Brady," a source, who claims the couple want to keep it their nups a low-key affair, tells In Touch Weekly. ""There will be no engagement. Just a small wedding in mid-March," the insider alleges.

Homewrecker Gisele, 28, and Tom, 31, have been dating since late 2006.

Well, I hate homewrecker skanks so I hope they split. But only after they have some babies first. These two are working with some damn good genes.

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This story has made me very happy. I'm already so excited. Please God, give me something new to jack to. Something new and sexy as hell - Tom Brady, please!

At a Chinese restaurant named Philippe, on East 60th Street, plenty of A-listers show up to grub. But what the patrons don't know is there's hidden security cameras in the private wine cellar. That's where some celebs hang out and/or have sex all the while cameras are a rollin'.

An insider says,

"They've watched tape of Diddy and Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele [Bundchen] hooking up. They get a kick out of it, they laugh and comment on people. Only a small circle of staffers there [knows] what's going on." A rep for Philippe confirmed there are cameras in the private rooms, especially where expensive wine is stored, "for security purposes."

The Philippe rep says, hold on, sluts, not so fast!

"All tapes are deleted. It is completely and utterly false that anyone has access to view the videos at Philippe, which are maintained off-site at our corporate headquarters," said flack Ronn Torossian. "The privacy of our clientele is our foremost concern. . . . Any statement saying to the contrary is utterly and completely false." Bundchen's rep had no comment and Brady's rep did not return an e-mail.

Screw all y'all! I'm hoping the footage isn't deleted. Do it for the kids. I'm hoping for a leak.

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