Although Heidi Montag plays it cool and acts like she doesn't care what everyone thinks of her, there's one person who is devastated by Heidi's major plastic makeover and she's going to let Heidi know it. Her mother, Darlene Egelhoff, is having a breakdown over Heidi's ridiculous new look.

Heidi kept the transformation a secret from her friends and family, but the cameras will be rolling to catch Darlene's reaction when she sees Heidi in person for the first time since she had numerous surgeries. I wouldn't expect it to be a Hallmark moment, because Darlene is not a happy camper about Heidi's fugged up face.

According to People, Heidi's mom "is horrified and having a total breakdown. She can't wait to confront Heidi when she goes home."

Heidi is planning to head to her hometown of Crested Butte soon and the family reunion with Heidi's new face will be part of a Hills episode. Heidi says she's "nervous to go home and face her – especially with cameras rolling." Technically Heidi's not facing her because it's not her freaking face anymore! She jacked herself up in a bad way and I hope her mom rips her for doing something so stupid. It's obvious Heidi has self-esteem issues and can't handle just being herself.

There's no typo in the post title, all. Heidi Montag's appropriately titled debut album, Superficial, has sold ONLY 658 COPIES! That must hurt more than 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day.

It also must hurt Heidi's checking account. Montag told Entertainment Weekly last week that she "went broke" making her debut disc because she believes that "within the first week, we will definitely make our money back."

Heidi didn't forecast this epic failure and her budget was steep because she believed that her songs "will make an impact in pop history." Heidi said, "I put every dollar I have into this. I've spent over $1 million, almost $2 million, on this album. It's cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality."

Oooooohhh, gurl! Sounds like it's time for you to make a sextape or get Playboy to pay for another nude spread with your brand new pair of triple D's.

In an interview with Access Hollywood, Heidi Montag reveals she almost died after having 10 plastic surgery procedures done in one day. She says she was given Demerol and her breathing became extremely slow.

“I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did and my breathing was five breaths per minute which is like almost dead. [I was] in an aftercare center, there were nurses that were supposed to be tending to me at all times. So thank God, Charles, one of my security guys used to be an EMT, was timing my breath on his watch and he called the nurses and they had to put oxygen on my face and called my plastic surgeon to come in for an emergency. So, it was a very traumatic experience for me.”

She also says she's gaining some movement in her face but it doesn't look like it's moving too much in the video. The girl is going to have a surprised look for the rest of her life because she went wild with the brow lift. Scary.

During Heidi Montag's Good Morning America interview this morning, the 23-year-old reality TV star says she wants bigger breasts. Heidi has already went from an A-cup to a C and a C to an F, but she thinks her new implants aren't big enough.

Extra reports, Heidi Montag  isn’t done yet. The Hills star tells Extra that her chest is now a “triple D, F. I like the F. I actually want H for Heidi.”

Ms. Montag still refers to the work she's had done as an "upgrade." She's really speeding up her divorce with Spencer Pratt, isn't she? I know I couldn't stay married to someone who looks completely different and plans on changing their looks even further. And at Heidi's young age and with all the up-keep that's required with plastic surgery, there's no end in sight. Spencer must be so disappointed in his wifey. I haven't been a Heidi fan in ages, and even I'm disappointed.

Although Heidi Montag told People magazine that she's "obsessed" with plastic surgery, she now claims that she is not addicted to it.

Heidi, 23, underwent 10 hours of surgery and had a total of 10 procedures in one day, but she claims that she wouldn't have spaced out her surgeries - two in 2007 and 10 in 2009 - if she were addicted. Heidi claims that addicts go back for more work on a more frequent basis than she has.

On this morning's episode of Good Morning America, Heidi puts her foot in her mouth saying that she isn't an addict. "I would say that none of those people know me at all, and that's just a judgment. I'm not addicted. If I were addicted, I would have had 10 plastic surgeries [individually performed vs. having 10 procedures in one day]."

On if she wants to look like a Barbie doll: "I think I look like myself. I think I just look like a different, improved version of myself."

On the contradictory message she sends to girls by saying that they should love themselves on the inside, yet she must go under the knife: "I'm in a different industry and I have to do things that are going to make me happy at the end of the day."

On why she thinks her plastic surgery is a good thing: "I'm living in my skin, and I look in the mirror and it's my career and my life, and you only have one. So, I want to take advantage of everything and be the best me, in and out, every way."

Guess what, all? As a gossip blogger with a heart, a pea-sized heart but a heart nonetheless, I'm going to draw the line somewhere and I refuse to make fun of Heidi's new face. She's a naturally beautiful woman and hopefully she'll realize that very soon.

HEIDI'S GOOD MORNING AMERICA INTERVIEW

Heidi Montag's The Hills co-star Audrina Patridge doesn't want to say anything bad about Heidi's plastic surgeries.

When asked for her views on Heidi's explosive and disturbing new feature in People magazine, Audrina said, "I haven't seen how she looks, so it's hard for me to comment on it, but these are her decisions, and as long as Heidi is happy, that's all that matters. I think it's a case of, 'To each their own.'"

Surgery is dangerous and Heidi's a role model by default; this is definitely not a matter of 'to each their own.' Highlighting Heidi's work is dangerous. The only good thing about this headline making nonsense is that although many women may want to go under the knife, most can't afford it. Thank gawd!

Audrina also added, "but 10 procedures in one day is a little much."

Audrina's boobs are about as real as Britney Spears' weave and she has even allegedly done something with her eyelids to fix her "ceiling eyes." Audrina's a fan of getting knifed up, so she's not exactly the most objective person when it comes to plastic surgery.

I feel sorry for Spencer Pratt. Who wants a wife so insecure, she keeps changing her face and body? Heidi's no longer the woman he fell in love with and insecurity will never be sexy, no matter how big your implants are.

Heidi Montag is more troubled than we thought. Her addiction to fame is extreme, but she clearly has an addiction to plastic surgery. I think the two addictions are interrelated. Heidi and Spencer are obsessed with the twisted, superficial world of Hollywood and Heidi has become a victim as she aspires to make herself look like "the best me."

Spencer Pratt's wifey reminds me of Michael Jackson in his early stages of plastic surgery addiction in her "after" picture above. Check out that nose. She's chopping her nose up just like MJ did, but some of Heidi's other surgeries, 10 hours worth, are just stupid. Heidi's surgeries:

• Mini brow lift

• Botox in forehead and frown area

• Nose job revision

• Fat injections in cheeks, nasolabial fold and lips

• Chin reduction

• Neck liposuction

• Ears pinned back

• Breast augmentation revision

• Liposuction on waist, hips, and inner and outer thighs

• Buttock augmentation

Heidi didn't need to have any of that work done. She's wasting her money and I doubt her family approves of this crap. She needs an intervention and perhaps the only way for her to save herself would be for everyone to just ignore her. I must admit that I feel guilty for mentioning that she should shave down her chin on several occasions.

Get some help, hun!

Miley Cyrus was voted the Worst Celebrity Influence, but Heidi Montag should be placed above the Disney slut on that list. Heidi will do anything for fame, even giving an exclusive on her alleged plastic surgery addiction.

Heidi says that she's had 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day. My least favorite whorse also just got herself a new pair of boobs. After Heidi's operation, she was taken in a private ambulance from the hospital to a recovery center. When Heidi was dropped off, her assistant realized that a camera with topless Heidi pictures was missing and she quickly got them back. One of Heidi's topless pictures will be featured in this week's issue of People magazine.

TMZ also reported that Heidi was kidnapped simply because the petite fame whore was seen with a bag over her head. Her idiot neighbor called the cops and folks thought that someone went to Speidi's house and kidnapped her. Sigh. We're not that lucky, and it's obvious that Speidi's not going anywhere.

Check out some of these pictures of the evolution of Heidi's face and body. I'm not a fan of boob jobs because I'm a natural D-cup, don't need one. *Blows kiss to God,* but Heidi's plastic boobs look good. I hope she doesn't look like Pam Anderson now.

When you have something big going on like dropping a new album, it's a good idea to keep your name in the news. Which brings me to Heidi Montag admitting that she had ten plastic surgery procedures done in one day.

This wasn't something she woke up one day and decided to do. She says "For the past three years, I've thought about what to have done. I'm beyond obsessed." She should be, because there isn't enough plastic surgeons in the world to make her hot. She's going to go overboard like the rest and end up looking like Joan Rivers. Now that is one hot b*tch!

It's the day we have all been waiting for with great anticipation, and it's going to change history! Well, none of that is true, but Heidi Montag did release her new album "Superficial" today.

Go ahead and listen to Heidi's new song "I'll Do It," and tell me you don't think of a cat in heat when you hear her voice. They make strange sounds, too, you know.

Here's what you're in for:

"Pick me, take me, off up into ya dungin. I brought some treats I know that you gon love em. Come eat my panties off of me. Do whatever you feel comes naturally."

I won't be buying her album, and I wouldn't even take it if somebody gave it to me for free!