Jersey Shore

Like most trends, it seems that Jersey Shore's popularity is on the decline. The Pauly D Project was heavily promoted and the sexist fun-loving DJ with a tornado proof blowout is a fan favorite. Naturally MTV thought that Pauly D's reality show would be ratings gold, but the show has bombed in the ratings. Is it due to overexposure, was the show put out too late, or are we just over Vinny Guadagnino's secret boyfriend?

Pauly's show had low ratings from the very start. The Pauly D project premiered on March 29 and ratings have dropped for the series every week! All hope is not last for the fat boy, though. Pauly will be paid $2.1 million for the upcoming season of Shore, not including all the money he makes for his DJ gigs, appearances, work with 50 Cent and more!

He's used Jersey Shore as a platform to gain  success in music, so it doesn't really matter if people tune into his show as long as Pauly's fans keep supporting his other ventures.

Photo: Wenn

WTH happened here? We thought Pauly D was really into GTL so that he would always look fresh to death for girls who are DTF in da club? Pauly D walked the red carpet at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas last weekend and he was looking large and in charge!

If there was anyone I thought might get fat, it would be Ronnie. Snooki slimmed down but Pauly D has been eating all her leftovers.

Pauly's friend thinks that we have eyesight problems and says "He's gained 20 pounds of muscle. He is [exercising] nonstop . . .three times a day sometimes."

That's hilarious! Pauly needs to exercise three times a day now because he looks gross.

If only Deena Cortese didn't have a boyfriend of her own, now would be the opportune time to try to smush.

Photos: Wenn

MTV is not impressed with pregnant Snooki and sober recovering addict Mike Sorrentino f*cking  up Jersey Shore, so they're reportedly casting two people to replace 'em. The people who run MTV's most popular series are buggin' out right now because they're concerned that the show will lose its edge.

Looking Cocky

495 Productions is casting two new castmates and "plans to limit Snooki and The Situation's roles on the new season -- giving new cast members more screen time instead."

I LOVE IT!

Snooki thought that getting knocked up would help her career, and I have my doubts about whether Mike went to rehab for damage control purposes. Considering how shady he is, it makes you wonder about how genuine he is.

There's no way that the Shore House can turn into Sober House and sustain its viewership, so this is a must. I'm just shocked that MTV is still trying to run this show. They're tryna make it the new Real World.

Lately, the off-camera lives of the Jersey Shore cast have been far more dramatic than anything that happens on the show, but because it mainly exists to squeeze every cent possible out of played-out ideas (Beavis & Butthead? Punk'd? Really?) MTV still rounded up the guidos to discuss the televisual Ambien that was season five. Host Amy Paffrath was apparently unaware that most people tuning into the reunion special actually watch Shore on a regular basis so she referred to season five as "the craziest yet." Amy, the only crazy thing is that this show got picked up for a sixth season.

Paffrath kicked off the clip fest by reminding us that the Shore kids "picked up right where they left off" in Seaside, which was a huge part of the problem. "It felt good to fall down and pee in bushes," said Snooki, and then the guys talked about how much they missed their GTL sessions in Italy for the 5 millionth time. Then, (Finally!) things got interesting when The Situation and Snooki (or Cokey and Preggo, as I call them) were pulled aside to discuss their still-unresolved cheating scandal.

"If I was that horny, I would go in my room and masturbate," says Snooks about the prospect of sex with The Sitch. Mike and Nicole engaged in their usual he said/she said routine, and the whole thing remained unsettled, eventually leading Ronnie to echo the sentiments of the audience by screaming, "Who the f*ck cares?!" Snooki actually offered an interesting defense by claiming that Mike likes to stir up drama but doesn't want to be hated, so he chose to start sh!t with the roommate he thought was most likely to forgive. Good theory, but I still think she banged him.

Clips of Mike's drunken emotional outburst have an added poignancy now that he's admitted to a substance abuse problem, but a montage of The Sitch's douchiest season five moments made it really difficult to feel bad for the dude. "You're worried about being the good guy or being the bad guy...Just be yourself," Snooki said to him, unwittingly hitting on one of the major problems with Shore. At this point, everyone has settled into their respective roles (JWoww's the mom; Snooki's the drunk; Pauly and Deena are comic relief) and as a result, it's slowly become one of the most predictable shows on TV. And it looks like it's not just the audience that's fed up with it...

With Snooki's pregnancy and The Situation's drug problem, I didn't think things could look much worse for season six of Jersey Shore. Then I saw Deena Nicole Cortese's new face:

Yikes! You'd think with the amount of work that JWoww's had done, Deena would have someone to turn to for plastic surgery advice. Did she try to do it herself? It looks like she laid down on the operating table and just said, "Gimme the works." If you're gonna have multiple procedures done, as Deena clearly has, it should be a gradual process. Of course, the Jersey Shore kids aren't exactly known for their patience and moderation.

Let's face it, Deena wasn't exactly a looker before, but she had a "take me as I am," drunk girl next door charm to her. Now it looks like a year of walking red carpets has inspired her to try to transform herself into a Hollywood beauty...with disastrous results.

(Photo: WENN)

Talk about putting the nail in the coffin on one of the most successful reality shows in history! MTV will begin filming Jersey Shore season 6 this summer in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. All of the housemates will return for "their home-away-from-home, and the house dynamic is headed into unchartered territory…as their lives outside the “Shore” take off in exciting new directions," according to MTV's publicity department.

The network claims that the cast's "trademark hilarity and family dysfunction will remain the same." Are you also confused?! So the Jersey Shore castmates' lives are taking off "in exciting new directions" yet things in the house "will remain the same"? MTV wishes.

MTV execs need to figure out how to make this show interesting again. They need to hire scriptwriters, they should add a new housemate, stop sending the cast to Karma every single night... or they could just cancel the show right now! We don't need season 6. I don't like anyone in the cast anymore and I really can't stand that these millionaires "work" at a T-shirt store for a living! MTV doesn't think very highly of its viewers.

The show is too stupid to make any sense now. I'll just DVR it so that I can see the pregnant midget sex Snooki will still engage in with her gay fiance Jionni during her third trimester, just like Jessica Simpson does with her unlucky dude.

Everyone from Sammi Sweetheart to Rihanna has spoken out in favor of Nicole Snooki Polizzi's surprise pregnancy, but what does the impending bundle of guido joy actually mean for her castmates and the show that made her famous?

Season five of Jersey Shore concluded last night with several bangs and a whimper. It was a suitably low-key send-off for the show's most drama-free season yet. Shore remains strong in the ratings, but fan enthusiasm has waned as we've watched our beloved pack of super-tan hook-up fiends morph into a group of bored millionaires who play increasingly pointless pranks on one another. This is the first time a season of Shore has concluded without a new season already in the works. But that's fine because 3 of the 8 cast members have spinoffs on the way, right?

Not necessarily. The most high-profile of those spinoffs focuses solely on Snooki and her BFF JWoww. It was supposed to showcase their odd couple dynamic with Jenni playing concerned mom to Nicole's carefree party monster. But now that Snooki is soon to be an actual mom, will the show be able give fans what they came for? And if the spinoff tanks, does that prove once and for all that both Snooki and JWoww are incapable of maintaining fame post-Shore?

MTV will cash in on the wave of guido popularity at least once more before pulling the plug. We'll see a final season of Shore in which a pregnant Snooki makes sporadic, (hopefully) sober cameos. But let's face it - after the final "farewell season" the show will lose its main attraction. There's nothing to say Snooki can't work after she has a child, but she can't do the kind of work that made her famous. Seeing a young, single woman get trashed and bang a succession of "gorillas" is fun; seeing a young mother act like an idiot is, well...Teen Mom. So while the Snookster may be overjoyed with the thought of starting a family and we wish her all the best...her pregnancy sadly signals the end of the Age of the Guido. What a time we had.

(Photos: WENN, Fame/Flynet)

Maybe Snooki will be the world's most patient mom. After all, her reaction to coming home to find all of her furniture missing with a kiddie pool in its place is to scream, "How fun!" Of course, eventually, she realizes that she's actually the victim of the world's most labor-intensive prank and she's slightly less cool with the situation. But ya know who's really not cool with the situation? That's right: The Situation. Mike's response to Pauly D and Vinny's prank is to sulk and stamp his feet like a 'roid-raged 3 year-old. As Pauly put it, "He's being a little b!tch right now."

And who could blame him? Last night's episode of Jersey Shore could be the last one we'll ever see. No reason for Mike to try and change the way he's viewed by his roommates or the public at this point. Come to think of it, if (God forbid) this is the end of Shore as we know it, I can't think of a better send-off for Mike than standing in the rain watching all his sh!t get ruined because he decided a temper tantrum was a better use of time than moving his freakin' bed inside. But unfortunately, that's not the last we see of The Sitch...

Since his attempt to destroy Snooki's relationship failed miserably, Mike has moved to trying to figure out how take his knowledge about Deena's sister, Joanie (She's a squirter. Something you apparently can't say on TV.) and "use it for evil." Unfortunately, for The Sitch the whole thing blows up in his face (teehee) when word gets back to Deena that Mike is spreading the word about Joanie's super soaker. Deena confronts Mike, but she's hard to take seriously, even when she's mad...especially when she's mad about her sister's hoo-ha.

Speaking of lady parts, Vinny is intent on convincing two strict vadgitarians to include sausage in their diet. He's attempting to hook-up with a lesbian couple, is what I'm saying, but his own prank backfires when he comes home to find that Ronnie's bed is still in the smush room. But as Ronnie points out, maybe it's for the best. "Look at their faces," he tells Vin. "One of them looks like Matthew McConaughey." And with that one line, Ron makes up for an entire season of contributing less to the show than goddam Crocodilly.

I never thought I'd say this, but thank God Snooki is pregnant. If that midget liquor sponge hadn't gotten knocked up, there would be literally nothing interesting going on with the cast of Jersey Shore, and I say this with one episode left in the season - a time when the drama and shenanigans are usually at their peak. The only compelling storyline since the cast returned from Italy -  Mike's douche-tastic attempt to ruin Snooki's relationship - looked like it was gonna come to a head at the beginning of last night's episode, but even that fizzled out quickly.

The Situation confessed (a little too eagerly) to Jionni that he banged Nicole while she and Jionni were dating. Jionni responded by...shaking his hand and thanking him for his honesty?! What kind of guido is this dude?! Where's the hot-tempered jealousy?! Jionni then climbs into bed with Snooki and reveals that he doesn't believe Mike's story, which makes him even more of a pussy for smiling in the face of the guy who he thinks is slandering his girlfriend for no reason. Fortunately, Snooki still has some balls and she responds to Mike's rampant dickishness like only she could - by throwing pickles at the dude.

"I think Jionni took the news so well because he knows Snooki's hooking up. He's doing the same thing," Pauly D theorized, ignoring the fact that Jionni is an obvious closet case. Snooki, of course, has a different take on the situation. "Jionni and I are getting married, I feel, when he proposes," says Snooks. "I don't when that is, but he better do it, like, within the future." Sounds like a girl with a plan...and possibly a serious learning disorder.

Because the producers are well aware of how boring this season has been, Snooki then proposes a camping trip like she's reading from a cue card and then there's a food fight, for some reason. Fortunately, what starts with a little innocent hot dog flinging turns into a serious condiment war between Snooki and The Sitch...because that's how grown-ups settle disputes. Did I mention they were sober at the time? And don't forget these two are about to head off into the woods together. What could go wrong?

Jionni LaValle either honestly believes that Snooki didn't cheat on him with The Situation, or he doesn't care. Mike Sorrentino was on a campaign to break Snooki and Jionni up for months, but it obviously didn't work. In order to break someone up with a "Your girl was with me last night" story, you have to get the person that you're telling to care. Jionni reposted the following update that he originally posted weeks ago on Twitter.

Today, Jionni posted this:

So there you have it! According to Jionni, Mike Sorrentino is not a REAL man because Jionni's midget overweight a*s would have totally beat the sh!t out of Mike, worse than the wall in Italy did, if MTV cameras weren't rolling. And apparently The Situation is "paid to start drama," which means that Snooki is telling the truf?! Once again, Jionni does not care if Nicole cheats on him. He already got her pregnant and he's about to wife her up minus a pre-nup (just you wait and see), so you can't blame him for sticking to his master plan.