Jessica Alba should take a personal chef with her everywhere she goes. The NY Post reports she nearly caught her hotel room on fire at the Smyth Hotel while trying to heat up some fish sticks because she couldn't figure out how to use the oven.

According to a source at the hotel, "She ended up almost causing a fire in her room. Fire alarms ended up going off throughout the hotel. The smoke was so bad that fire trucks had to come. The other guests in the hotel were pretty pissed."

Uh, was there a microwave handy? She didn't think about ordering room service instead of attempting to burn the hotel down? Couldn't get in contact with her assistant to help her? If you can't heat up fish sticks you need to get your a** out of the kitchen!

The People's Choice awards were last night and man, were they awesome! Actually, I didn't watch it, so I would have no freakin' clue.

Jessica Alba went for a dress that could be considered a shirt if it was about an inch shorter. If any little people happened to be at the show and got a chance to walk by Jessica, they had to get a good shot of her naughty spot. She totally failed with the shoes. They look cheap and made out of rope, which is a look that only Lindsay Lohan can pull off.

Check out some more pics from the carpet and show below!

Rumors surfaced yesterday that Cash Warren licked some cocaine off of Lindsay Lohan's gums at a club. In other words, Cash and Lindsay were spotted making out in public at Villa on Nov. 19.

Men are bad at cheating, but of all the women Cash would want to cheat with, I think Lindsay Lohan would be at the bottom of the list. And of all the ways you'd want to actually cheat, sucking face in public would more than likely be considered an activity to avoid.

But Us Weekly claims that's what happen and People magazine is denying the reports, naturally. A "source," aka Jessica Alba, said "The reports are totally untrue" and that Cash and LiLo "never hooked up." They do know each other "professionally, but that's it."

When you're a bi-sexual maneater like Lindsay, any man who doesn't share some strand of DNA is gonna get in trouble for being within a one-mile radius of her firesnatch. The only way for Jess to know the truth is to have Cash submit to random STD and drug testing.

Jessica Alba stepped out for the Bill Clinton's Global Initiative reception the other night, with some crazy looking blonde locks. She must have the same hair stylist as Rihanna, cause they both look whack with their blonde weaves.

I seriously thought she had shaved her head when I saw these photos.

What is going on with the dress? If it didn't have a low neck line, I think a 5 year old girl would wear it for holiday pictures! It could also pass for something my 85 year-old grandma would wear out for dinner with her sexy boyfriend. Sorry Jessica, but this look is all wrong and the black tights don't help.

Jessica Alba and her Z-list husband, Cash Warren, were spotted running some errands in Hollywood on Sunday with their daughter, Honor Marie.

Honor's beady eyes and chubby cheeks aren't helping her out any. She also has Cash's wide nostrils. But I do think that she has gotten a bit cuter. Is she there yet? Not yet, but one day she may be. She has come a long way since May, so she's headed in the right direction for sure.

Jessica Alba and her hubby Cash Warren spent some beach time together over the weekend.

How in the hell do these stars end up looking so hot after they pop out a kid? She has a banging body and fab ass! Cash Warren is a lucky man to get to tap that every night. :)

Jessica Alba was under the influence of extreme stupidity when she posted Great White shark posters on downtown Oklahoma City walls. Jessica is currently in Oklahoma shooting The Killer Inside Me when she became inspired to unleash The Activist Inside Me.

Gorilla activist she is not. Jessica's childish act of vandalism was an effort to raise awareness about the shrinking population of Great Whites. Jessica Alba's cheap a*s posters had NO information about Great Whites on them and ironically covered up United Way's posters. 

A sober Jessica issued the following response:

"I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment, and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident."

The damage that Jess caused runs between $500 and $700, not enough to earn Alba jail time if she were charged or convicted of a crime.

This woman needs to be drug tested. It's hilarious whenever Jessica Alba goes wild. 

Jessica Alba isn't the serious diva b*tch that everyone thinks that she is, she's just that way around the paps.

Jessica had her 28th birthday bash last night at new hotspot h.wood, where it sounds like Doug Reinhardt got his a*s whooped later that night, and Jess got to drinking and dancing.

Jess was drinking champagne, "tossing back" glasses before she got up and began shaking her derriere "sexily" in front of her table.

She ripped off her sweater and threw it at friends she was celebrating with. Underneath the sweater? Just something that looked like a corset!

After stripping off her sweater she began to dance sexily in front of Cash and then jumped on a couch.

Oops, looks like the champagne hit her because she fell off the couch and some guy who we didn't recognize caught her! Jessica then danced for him and we mean DANCED! She took her hat off and put it on his head and then wrapped his arms around her and did a pretty good version of a lap dance.

When Jess was giving a dude a lap dance, that's when her hubby Cash got pissed. Cash grabbed Jessica away and told herto stop but Jess kept drinking after that while Cash sat down and looked furious!

I love this woman!

Jessica Alba was in Beverly Hills last night for the First Ladies of Africa Health Summit at the Beverly Hilton Hotel.

Jessica's hair looks gorgeous here. I know some people hate Jessica Alba with blonde hair because "she has olive skin" and should "never" go blonde, but that's ridiculous. Some people like Mary J. Blige look amazing with blonde locks and I say go for it!