I can feel my ears bleeding already. Madonna's latest boyfriend, Jesus Luz, has landed a record deal with Warner music. Warner is the same label Madonna works with. Jesus is releasing an album in April.

If he wants to be a singer, he needs to learn how to take criticism! I only say this because the hottie model can't hold it together when someone yelled at him while he was deejaying at a party in Rio. According to the New York Post, a guest came up to Jesus, threw a beer in his face saying "Get out of here, I don't wanna see your face here anymore!" This allegedly upset Jesus and he "went to a corner and started to cry."

Somebody get this sexy fool a diaper and a pacifier to suck on! I'll be a critic for his upcoming album right now and say it sucks. Well see if I'm right!

Brazilian model Jesus Luz, 23, and Madonna, 51, are still together. It was just last week that reports surfaced that Jesus had dumped Madonna. But it looks like they've patched things up or they never even split to begin with.

To prove everyone wrong, Madonna and Jesus were caught pulling a Brangelina on Wednesday in Rio.

Check out that top picture. There's no passion there. Is Jesus on Madonna's payroll?

This has to be the saddest day in celebrity couple history. Madonna and Jesus Luz have broken up! I know, it's not a surprise. How long can a young hot stud handle sexing an old cougar like Madonna?

"The problem is as simple as it is obvious — it’s the age difference. How long could it last? How it even lasted a year seems a miracle to a lot of people."

It took Jesus Luz a year to dust the cobwebs off the Madge vag and he's got to be worn out by the maintenance it takes to keep it in poke worthy condition. According to sources, Madonna said "We’ve just run out of things to talk about. It’s really pushing it for us to have common ground these days. We have Kabbalah, that’s about it’.”

She'll pick her heart up off of the floor and move on to another boy toy. It's not like she's hurting to find men who want her even though she's becoming an old dried up hag. I've still got love for you Madonna.

Madonna's funky new video features her sidedish, Jesus Luz. Jesus plays a DJ that Madge rubs her vadge on. Her daughter Lourdes also has a cameo, but you'll have to stick around until the end to check out Lourdes busting some moves. I just love this video. Madonna makes it work.

Question: Who is this boy and why must I look at the beginnings of his bush on every blog?

Answer: This is allegedly Madonna's new fling that she picked up in Brazil. Whilst in Rio De Janeiro shooting a editorial for W Magazine, she picked up Jesus Luz a Brazilian male model.

"She was very interested in him," our sources say - so interested that she invited Luz to join her tour in Sao Paolo and he accepted. "He's there with her now and [photographer] Steven Klein is helping him get along with everyone."

It looks like Madge is pulling a Britney. K-Fed anyone?

Source