John Mayer
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Pull your bong out from the closet and your pipe from your sock drawer cause it's time to toke it up! John Mayer sings about smoking weed in his new song 'Who Says'.

In the opening of the song John sings "Who says I can't get stoned, turn off the lights and the telephone. Me in my house alone who says I can't get stoned" and I couldn't agree more. What you do behind closed doors is nobody else's business and you should be allowed to light one up if you'd like. John says pot isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be 

"It's not a dirty word. It's not a curse word. It's a presentation of an idea that makes people think a little harder about what they're listening to, which I don't think is the worst thing in the world."

Atta boy John! Weed isn't nearly as destructive to your health as drinking, smoking cigarettes, cocaine, heroin, huffing a can of compressed air, etc. I know many people who toke and you don't see them jumping up and starting fights like drunks do and they're not hungover the next morning because they smoked too much herb the night before. On the grand scale of things, weed is the least harmful than any drug out there and should be legalized, but that's just my opinion.

I want to know what kind of super powers John Mayer has in his wang to make Jennifer get back with him. He has some sort of magical penis that lures her back in. It must shoot fairy dust instead of sperm when he squirts.

Sources say Jennifer Aniston isn't done with John just yet and the two are rekindling their romance.

"He really got to her, and she's hooked on him,she just can't let go.There's something about John that she just can't resist."

John also thinks Jen is a great person to bang when he's bored and "he thinks she's amazing, nice and smart, and he has nothing but respect for her."

They were both seen in NYC on September 22 but were rumored to have hooked up later that night at the Four Seasons Hotel. Maniston may be back on, but they'll split up again by the time spring comes around.

To all those John Player fans that didn't wanna think John Mayer would go for a much younger, ditsy reality TV star, think again.

Earlier this month a rumor surfaced that Kristin Cavallari and John Player were engaging in a two-year f*ckship and they were ready to go public. John shot the rumors down with his signature hilarity via Twitter and we all didn't talk about it again. But with a new season of The Hills to promote, Kristin is talking about John.

The Hills star is now saying he asked her out -- and she declined.

"I just feel like I don't need to be another notch on his belt," she said on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday. But there's no hard feelings.

"I think he's a really nice guy..." Cavallari, 22, said of the singer, 31.

I don't think Kristin's that grounded. She may not have given John the cookie, but I'm sure he's had himself a few crumbs. "He's a really nice guy" is sometimes code for 'he's a giver in bed.'

I was totally worried John Mayer had jumped the shark by dating Kristin Cavallari, but he put those rumors to rest. It was perfect timing for the rumor since Kristin will be starring on The Hills this season.

I thought John made it pretty clear in his tweets that they never did the horizontal mambo; but Kristin wanted to remind us again that they never hooked up.

"I literally met John one time for five minutes. I am single, I'll tell you that. I'm 22. Why have a boyfriend? I'm having fun."

In true celebrity fashion, if you hug someone, you had sex with them. Wouldn't it be awesome if sex was that easy? Just put your arms around somebody and you shoot a load or wet your panties! Life would be so good.

I really understand Russell Brand's charm and allure. He's the tall bad boy with great hair and the British accent. Swoon.

Katy Perry was spotted tongue f*cking Russell at Lady Gaga's VMA afterparty.

The voracious womanizer was seen admiring Perry’s cleavage before kissing her as they sat on a banquette.

“They were sitting very close together, flirting and whispering to each other with their faces very close. Then Russell leaned in for a long kiss. It didn’t look like this was the first time. He was looking extremely pleased with himself.”

Onstage, he joked about her tight pants and mentioned that the two were staying at the same hotel. Later, backstage, he said, “I think I might have a bit of a thing for Katy Perry.”

It was busy weekend for Perry: On Friday, a spy also caught the “I Kissed a Girl” singer locking lips with John Mayer at Gold Bar.

Katy Perry doesn't seem to have a type, she goes for different guys. But if she had to choose between John Player or Russell Brand, who do you think she should go for? I say RUSSELL! It's blatantly obvious that John Player is self-absorbed and has made a habit of pulling the rug out from underneath his girlfriend's feet after a few months. I know they're not even going to start a f*ckship, but Katy and Russell would be adorable together, me thinks.

The John Mayer and Kristin Cavallari dating rumor did seem far fetched, but considering what a slut John Player is, we all believed it. 

Being the humorous cocky jerk that he is, John denied Kristin Cavallari hookup rumors by posting the following Tweets yesterday.

"Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman...I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis,"

"I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together."

"My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli."

"I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James."

Dammit, I've already forgiven him for being a douche! John's tweet about bartling her James is hysterical.

Yep, I definitely didn't see this one coming! John Mayer is losing market value by dating a reality star!

According to Janet Charlton, Kristin Cavallari and John Mayer have been knockin' boots for 2 years.

Our source says that Kristin was hesitant to date John publicly because she didn’t want to be added to his long list of conquests, and they were both dating other people off and on. Recently their “friends with benefits” relationship has evolved, and they are actually considering going public.

This means he was poking Kristin at the same time he was dating Jennifer Aniston. Oh John Mayer you dirty dog, you! You've completely jumped off my wet dream list now that you're downgrading to C-listers.

Creative genius and immature womanizer John Mayer is taking heat for getting girls in lipstick to kiss him before flaunting his face and T-shirt to the paparazzi.

John Player didn't realize that his fun was in really poor taste, considering that he had just dumped Jennifer Maniston a few months prior and has been hitting on waitresses in NYC. John posted a few rants on his Twitter page, defending his man whore ways. John said,

"I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn't.

Let's hammer this out today. Long before 'douches' and 'famewhores' there were these people called 'showbiz types.' Showbiz types' are people who grew up talking to themselves alone in a room for hours until they found some sort of outlet. Once they found that outlet, everything fell into place, except for the fact that they still never worked out why they still talk so much.

So you see, though filled with deep emotional voids that can never be filled, Showbiz Types are an important part of our Nation's tapestry.

I'm a Showbiz Type. (cue penny whistle and marching drums) But I am not a douche!! (of 1,090,466, seventeen stand and applaud wildly). That was interesting...I'm off to work. Enjoy the rest of your day."

Some people are pretty worked up over John Player's tweets, but I personally dismiss all of it cause you know he was getting his dick sucked while he posted this mess!

John Player doesn't even know what he's tryna say. He just issued a plea to kill it with the labels cause they're messing up his game. I wish I could do that for the douche, famewhore, male slut, attention whore womanizer, but he hasn't provided enough supporting evidence to contradict those labels. Poor baby.

Women flock to John Mayer's dick like flies to Paris Hilton's crotch. John Player knows that, and he decided to have fun with his slutty image. A drunken Johnny stumbled outta a club on Saturday with lipstick kisses all over his face and shirt.

John is every kind of whore that we need less of. He's a man whore, fame whore and an attention whore all wrapped up into one stick of douche who sings-romantic-songs-but-only-keeps-his-b*tches-around-for-a-few-months. Such a panty-creaming liar!

That being said, I find John Player irresistible and he can play me anytime that he wants to.

John Mayer is many kinds of whore: man whore, attention whore, twitter whore, fame whore and I'm sure other kinds of whore that we don't know about. Did you read that, all? All those 'whore' references are gonna get me in trouble with my ad companies. Long, fun weekend. Maybe I'm still buzzing, that's my excuse.

After reports surfaced last week that Johnny is dating cocktail waitress Scheana Marie Jancan, John Player talked to the paparazzi - like he usually does to update them on his penis' whereabouts - and told X17 that he does not have a girlfriend. Translation: John Player ditched the cocktail waitress when their f*ckship went public.

John said,

"If I had a girlfriend, she would be incredibly offended by me saying, 'I don't have a girlfriend.' That's how you can be sure. I could say, 'I'm not with anybody.' That'd be a death wish if you were the woman. I'm not with anybody, you'd have to go home and take a lashing for the next three weeks! So that's the proof."

I dunno how John Player manages to get any girl. He's hot and talented, but I don't like jerks. You know that's not true at all but it does sound good on paper, doesn't it?