Jon Gosselin
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Jon Gosselin wasn't looking to just bang Kate Major for a minute, he was also planning to hire her as his personal assistant. In a document obtained by Radar Online, Jon Gosselin had written up a contract with Kate as his assistant and to allow her handle "some but not all future accounts".

He also wrote that "She will receive a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement," so I wonder if he has to pay her for any money he may have received for talking about his relationship with her? In Kate Gosselin's end of the contract, she writes that neither she or Jon will comment publicly about their relationship and promised to "run any media inquiries past Jon Gosselin before doing any on-air or print work."

So it sounds like he should have hired her because she probably would have done a decent job of trying to keep him from looking like the king douchebag he has become. I mean, he would still be a douche, but maybe on the terror alert scale of douchery he would have been orange instead of red.

I'd watch it just to see if it's true what they say about Asian peen! I've got a feeling it looks like a thumb sticking out of an unbaked loaf of bread. I'm just sayin'.

One of Jon Gosselin's ex pokes, Stephanie Santoro says Jon's bodyguard, Thomas Meinelt, has admitted to her that he has watched a sex tape that Jon made back in October. No word on who the lucky gal was, but it appears as though the girl was paid to make whoopy time with Jon.

"Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October. Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him."

Tom, who seems to be the new gossip girl in town, also told Stephanie Santoro that he has seen Jon use cocaine on more than one occasion. I'm looking into my crystal ball and I see Jon losing total custody of his kids. He'll be paying more money in child support than Bill Gates makes in a year if this story is true. Happy trails to you Jonny boy.

Does anyone know what today is? It's the day Levi Johnston shoots his penis pictorial for Playgirl magazine! I know you all had it marked down in your calendar and you'll be marking your calendar for the day the magazine comes out, too.

Levi was at the Fleshbot awards last night and won an award for crossing over from being a pop culture star to a sex star. While making his rounds on the red carpet, Levi mentioned that he met Jon Gosselin a few days ago and he believes Jon is a good guy.

He also said Jon is in the same situation as he is in right now, "he's a good guy that gets a lot of bad press." Levi said Jon even took some time from finding some 20 something year-old poon to give the young buck parenting advice!

"He was very positive and gave some good advice that I'm going to take. He told me kids are number one and do anything you can for them."

How nice of Jon to give advice to some jackhole who's getting ready to whip his trouser snake out for the world to see in a pictorial. Jon was probably asking Levi for pointers on how to make his wang look bigger so he can do a Playgirl photo shoot of his own.

Get ready to fall out of your chair from laughing so hard while watching this video of Jon Gosselin. Well you won't fall out of your chair over it but I've gotta admit it is pretty funny.

In the video Jon gives up his Ed Hardy wardrobe he's been wearing constantly for the last 4 months and throws on a preppy polo. He's also giving up the dirty sluts he's always seen with, is seen deleting Michael Lohan's phone number, and wants to go back "to the normal, simple life" he used to have. Don't quit your day job to go into acting. Oh wait, you don't have a day job or a paycheck since you crapped all over your relationship with TLC.

Hailey Glassman and Jon Gosselin are talking to the media about their alleged breakup, but they're going to be spending Thanksgiving together.

Jon Gosselin will not be spending the holiday with Kate Gosselin or their eight children because that wasn't in his plans. Jon told Entertainment Tonight,

"I still plan on going to [Hailey's family's] house on Thanksgiving. I made a promise to her family I would go to her house." And that's all, folks. I have nothing else to say other than I'd like to shove a turkey leg down Jonny's throat.

Hailey Glassman and Jon Gosselin are going to keep playing the media like a fiddle as long as they're making some money off of their interviews, but they're taking it to a new level. Hailey did an interview last week claiming Jon is emotionally abusive to her, but it was Jon who wanted her to do the interview.

Jon Gosselin is taking the whole 'bad press is good press' too far just to make a paycheck. For some folks bad press does work, but not when you have eight kids who will read all of these ridiculous stories down the road.  

"They agreed to have her go on and make the abuse allegations! Jon doesn't have much money left and he is not currently searching for a real job. Jon still seeks money through his fame and notoriety."

Even though they claim to be splitting up, they will get back together just to keep the media going. In an interview that airs on Entertainment Tonight this evening, the two talk about their decision to separate, which later turns into a huge blowup, and Jon storms off the set. Now is our chance to see how well their acting ability really is.

Hailey Glassman felt as though she needed to explain herself after suddenly becoming nothing but an ex.

Hailey Tweeted that she just wanted to thank everyone for supporting her. She claims that she "was brutally honest and put everything out on the table in front of the entire world." I hope she takes that same table and hides herself under it while locked in a room in a community without cell phone service or internet access.

Hailey added, "At least I know in my heart I spoke the truth so I'm OK with your judgment. Now if i'm disliked and hated on fine. At least I know in my heart I spoke the truth so now im fine with your judgements."

I'm glad she's fine with our judgments, cause the opinions most people have of her are unfavorable. Hailey's no saint for getting "in front of the entire world" and claiming that Jon Gosselin emotionally abused her. I'm sure she was, like, subconsciously planning a press tour schedule where she could talk jizz about Jon. Oops! Her timing and preparation were way off.

Maybe Jon Gosselin will be spared of a few more haters, cause he dumped Hailey Glassman before the two could reproduce. Thank you, Jonny!

It was just days earlier when Hailey Glassman, 22, appeared on The Insider, crying about Jon emotionally abusing her. Next thing ya know, Jonny cuts her loose.

Jon was reportedly instructed to get rid of Hailey via his new spiritual counselor, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

If Jon is ready to get a new chick, there's always plenty of available sluts at the 18+ clubs. Sh*t, if he throws on one of his Ed Hardy shirts, he'll fit in with the crowd more than he thinks he would.

It's Friday, all, and I know that the one thing you're missing in your life, before heading out for your Halloween weekend, is a Jon & Kate Plus 8 story. Forget the one I just posted, this is the one that will make your life complete.

Jon Gosselin has responded to Hailey Glassman's accusations that he's emotionally abusive to her. The father of eight says that his 22-year-old rebound "has paid a significant price" to live under the media's microscope. He also said that Hailey has "selflessly" endured the pressures of being "under the media glare."

Jon said,

"I am grateful for her emotional support and I regret any pain that my actions have caused her. I am committed to making things right with Hailey as well as Kate and especially my children. I ask you to please give me the opportunity to prove myself."

I'm surprised they're still together since Jonny pulled the plug on Jon & Kate Plus 8. It's sad that Jon actually believes his f*ckship with Hailey is going to last much longer.

Jon Gosselin's 22 year-old girlfriend Hailey was on The Insider last night trying to get some sympathy votes. Hailey Glassman was complaining about how she can't have friends and live her life like a normal 22-year-old. Life doesn't feel very normal for her when she's out in public and grandmas in wheelchairs are calling her "home wrecker." You know the hecklers are probably grandmas and grandpas. Besides those under 50 and incarcerated, who mostly comprises TLC's demographic?

Hailey does a good job of making Jon sound even worse than he's perceived. I hope The Insider paid her some good money to shame her man like this, cause you can just tell that she's a low-budget b*tch. The holidays are upon us and we could all use a bonus. The only one Hailey's probably crying to now is Jonny while begging for forgiveness.