Lance Armstrong
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Lance Armstrong is a champion. Not only was he able to win the Tour de France seven times in a row, but he was able to knock his girlfriend Anna Hansen up by busting only one nut! Check out the alien hands baby with the fins?!

After Lance suffered from prostate cancer, he no longer had a pair to work with and it's pretty rare that he would be able to conceive again. Luckily Lance's sperm are little champions too! Awwww.

Like Kimora Lee Simmons, Lance let everyone know that his son Max Armstrong was born VIA TWITTER. Lance posted the picture above with the accompanying Tweets:

"Already at the airport in Rome. Headed home!! Baby #4 any minute now. CaNot wait!"

 "Wassup,world? My name is Max Armstrong and I just arrived. My mommy is healthy and so am I!"

@maxarmstrong1 weighed in at 7lbs5oz and is 20 inches long.

Congrats to Lance, Max and Anna!!! Anna can retire any day now.

Lance Armstrong has finally opened up on his unexpected sudden split with Sheryl Crow. Lance tells the New York Post that Sheryl's biological clock was ticking away, so he decided to dump her a*s.

This man is a man whore and a cheating pig. I can't believe he would share something so personal with the world. Sigh. Lance's current girlfriend Anna Hansen wasn't as upfront as Sheryl and got herself knocked up fast. Now that's ironic karma, b*tches!

Lance wrote a new book creatively titled Lance in which the record-breaking Tour de France winner says,

"She wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn't want that, but I didn't want that at that time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I'd just had kids [Luke, 9, and twins Grace and Bella, 7]. Yet we're up against her biological clock -- that pressure is what cracked it."

Armstrong says that he and Crow even went to a counselor, "but really there's no way to counsel that situation. If somebody wants a child -- man, that's the greatest gift you can give to a woman -- ... who are you to stand there and say I don't want one? So we were at different points in our lives. We were not compatible on that issue."

Lance is trying to sound like a saint when all he wanted to do was continue being a man whore, dating Ashley Olsen and the like before his current girlfriend. He doesn't have to put Sheryl's business out on the street like this.

Hells yeah! I hated this couple. They're both assholes and whores and they never stood a chance.

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong called it quits this weekend after a three-month romance that went public when they were spotted in Austin, Texas in mid-May, Usmagazine.com exclusively reports.

"There was no drama or ugliness �" They just decided to end things," a source close to the couple tells Us. "There is no hatred, just sadness."

The pair quickly became inseparable with sightings of them in Austin, New York and Los Angeles �" though both dodged questions about their relationship.

In the short time they were together, the 29-year-old actress was seen with the 36-year-old cyclist at many of his races and events, including his three-day Lance Armstrong Livestrong Summit in Columbus, Ohio this past weekend.

It was at the conference that Hudson and Armstrong decided to go their separate ways. Each had introduced the other to family.

I care much more about Starbucks closing 600 shops than I do about Kate Hudson dating Lance Armstrong. Well, I also care more about the poop I took last week than these two jerks.

I'm not into either of 'em and I totally want Lance to knock her up and dump her, because I think she's that much of a whore and a bitch. I'm totally gonna get dumped after I get preggers for saying that, but I feel that strongly about this skank, which, of course, has nothing to do with me being a bitter, angry bitch who needs to get laid. My feelings just happen to be what some label a "coincidence."

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong step out to a beachside lunch �" and they have company! The happy couple dined with Hudson's mom, Goldie Hawn, Tuesday at Santa Monica eatery Ivy at the Shore, and the group "looked like they were having a great time."

Flaunting your relationship at The Ivy?! I hate these tools. That reminds me, I haven't been to the Ivy in so long. I must see Xtina Aguilera in clown face up close. My 5'4 ass should be out there front and center, knockin' the paps down with my purse and getting pics for you guys. Heh.

If you wanna set the record straight, I guess there's no better place to do it than Page Six. At least Lance Armstrong must think so. He went straight to the main gossip source and denied any type of relationship with Ashley Olsen.

Lance Armstrong wants to set the record straight. "Ashley Olsen and I are strictly friends," the world-renowned athlete told us. "We have hung out amongst other friends, and she strikes me as a nice, smart lady."

Just because you're probably about to go through a mid-life crisis and felt you had to bang a 21-year-old to prove you're still the man, doesn't mean you have to deny the bitch! Just another notch in the bed post. ;)

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Lance Armstrong's six-year-old daughter brought Ashley Olsen to school for show-and-tell.

Yes, daddy's lady love Ashley Olsen was recently shown and told about at the young girl's Texas school. "Celebrities do this all the time," the source said.

There's sumthin' really weird about going to your boyfriend's daughter's school for show-and-tell. Something very weird. Ashley's also reportedly living with Lance now, too. That. Was. Fast. And. Illogical. The Olsen twins are nuts.

They're so tiny, I almost wanna buy a little anorexic Olsen doll for Christmas. My cousins could play, 'count the ribs' and 'bend the bones' with 'em.

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Lance Armstrong dumped his wife, dumped Sheryl Crow, and now he's moving on to fish, fish face to be exact.

21-year-old Ashley showed up at Rose Bar on Monday night and made out all night with 36-year-old Lance Armstrong!

"They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m."

Awwww... the drunk makeout. It would be romantic if Lance wasn't old enough to be her father, but it's gross and Lance needs to get over his midlife crisis. Ewww.

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