Mikey looks part cartoon, part mannequin, and all fug. I love it when a guy isn’t too macho too smile, but Michael is the exception to this rule.
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It took me some time to find these pictures of Michael Phelps’ hot new piece, Caroline Pal. Is she hot? Yes, with her clothes off. With clothes on, she’s not my style, but I trust that she can give a good strip tease. Hmmm… in the last pic her implant looks wonky.
Anyway, according to Caroline’s myspace page, she lives in Long Beach, CA, and attends Cal State Northridge. She’s a cocktail waitress at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas.
I love love love the lollipop covering up her nipple picture. It’s some of the dumbest shiz I’ve ever seen. I want her to pull an Ashley Dupre and get a record deal and try to do a clothing line and shit. If sex appeal and good pussy can’t bring you fame and wealth in America, then, sadly, the terrorists have won.
Btw, Michael Phelps’ friend came out yesterday and said that Michael is dating “a lot” of women and he’s just enjoying his celebrity status. Translation: Michael doesn’t want to have to tell all the bitches he’s banging that he has a girlfriend and he wants to keep the pussy coming. Well played, Mr. Phelps.
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In case you didn’t know, Michael Phelps and I are not on the same page. Seriously, you should write this down.
Michael Phelps got in the pool in his hometown of Baltimore this week and said, “It was painful.” Huh?
“I’m a little out of shape. But I will be able to get back. I am going to start working out more.”
What does he consider to be “in shape”? My gut is getting in between us, literally and figuratively. My ass is not only way outta shape, it needs a good three years of training according to Michael’s standards. This is the price you pay for dating an athlete or anyone with a cut body. You will be considered obese in comparison to them. But I digress.
Michael also claims he doesn’t notice all the attention he gets from the ladies,… I believe it. Nerds don’t observe shit. You have to jump on their laps, put their hands in your special places and give ‘em a lap dance before they realize that, ‘hey, maybe she likes me?’
Mikey says,
“I don’t really notice it. When I go out, go to dinner, I go out with friends, and we stay to ourselves. I don’t think of myself as a sex symbol. My mom is by far the most important woman in my life.”
Uh, muthafucka… your body is a sex symbol, not your face. But since your body comes with your face, it’ll have to do for now, until you get some work done. I kid. I kid. I don’t care about his face because I wouldn’t look at it during sex.
From the pre-Emmy Jimmy Kimmel special Sunday night. Enjoy.
Even with hand-on-ass, Michael Phelps still looks like a dork. I’m not saying he doesn’t have stamina and couldn’t bang ya for four days straight - screw Viagra’s four hours - but he’s a nerd. A nerd who can get more ass than Tommy Lee and Brody Jenner combined right now. Michael’s just like, ‘Watch me in action, and suck my big ears, losers!’
I’ll suck more than that for ya Michael. I’ll suck your knees, too. Heh. Gotta keep it clean for the kids.
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