Archive for the 'New Couples' Category
I care much more about Starbucks closing 600 shops than I do about Kate Hudson dating Lance Armstrong. Well, I also care more about the poop I took last week than these two jerks.
I’m not into either of ‘em and I totally want Lance to knock her up and dump her, because I think she’s that much of a whore and a bitch. I’m totally gonna get dumped after I get preggers for saying that, but I feel that strongly about this skank, which, of course, has nothing to do with me being a bitter, angry bitch who needs to get laid. My feelings just happen to be what some label a “coincidence.”
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong step out to a beachside lunch – and they have company! The happy couple dined with Hudson’s mom, Goldie Hawn, Tuesday at Santa Monica eatery Ivy at the Shore, and the group “looked like they were having a great time.”
Flaunting your relationship at The Ivy?! I hate these tools. That reminds me, I haven’t been to the Ivy in so long. I must see Xtina Aguilera in clown face up close. My 5′4 ass should be out there front and center, knockin’ the paps down with my purse and getting pics for you guys. Heh.
Natalie Portman, in town serving as a juror for the Cannes International Film Festival, keeps hold of beau Devendra Banhart as the couple enjoy a walk abroad with their petite pooch Wednesday.
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Newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon made up for their intimate wedding with a celebration at Six Flags Magic Mountain Theme Park Tuesday evening.
The park was decorated with pink and purple balloons and a banner which read: ‘Mariah and Nick - A Love Story.’
Both Carey, 38, and Cannon, 27, are in the mood to celebrate.
“[Nick's] plan is to have one [wedding] every year,” Carey gushed to Ellen Degeneres Tuesday. “We’re just going to have another one [wedding] next year.”
Mariah and Nick are too cute for words. Hope everything works out when all this lust crap wears off and Nick wakes up next to Mariah’s 45-year-old nipples hanging beside her belly button.
John Mayer has been through one too many pussies that it’s blatantly obvious the man is pure evil. It’s not so much that John’s a whore that’s irksome, it’s that John is probably a really great boyfriend. I’m talkin’ all kinds of romantical dates and sensual adventures in the sack.
He’s the type who’ll cry into your arms on Monday and tell you he’s never been happier in life, because you’re what he’s dreamed of, then email you Tuesday morning saying he was just drunk and it’s not there anymore, “Sorry.” He’ll say it’s not you, it’s him, oh! and those three sluts he banged last weekend. Which will, of course, prompt you to play Fiona Apple songs and become a born again lesbian who now rides strap-ons named ‘John’s penis’ with her mustache wearing butch lovers.
This is not going to end in Jen’s favor, but for Maniston’s sake, I wish it would.
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The wonderful voyeurs at InTouch magazine have published pictures of Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer in full-on couple mode.
John Mayer is crazy about Jennifer Aniston. He flew to Miami on April 23 to hang out in the $3,000-a-night presidential suite at the Mandarin Oriental, where Jen has been staying while shooting the movie Marley & Me. And the two were inseparable over the long weekend.
Maniston leaves me speechless. With the exception of Vince Vaughn, she can’t stay away from the pretty boys. If she wants a long lasting relationship, with her choices in male sluts, she has a better chance of moving into the Playboy mansion, getting Hef to knock her up with triplets and kicking Holly’s silicone ass to the curb!
John Mayer’s new tattoo sleeve is pretentious for a soulful crooner, isn’t it? But I still love his hair.
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