Our Favorite Posts

A lot people (myself, more than most) make fun of Justin Bieber for being a spindly lesbian disguised as a 17 year-old boy, but the Biebs hangs with some of the hardest dudes in the music industry, so the joke's really on us. At all times, he's one phone call away from having us killed.

Justin is currently working on his next album, Believe, which will come out later this year. The record seems to be taking up most of Justin's time lately, but yesterday, he took a break to get his Weezy on, and fortunately for us, he tweeted the results.

"Good time in the studio last night. back at it tonight. oh yeah…and big bro came thru," Justin posted, along with the above pic of Weezy and the Biebs. He added, "and when i say big bro i mean @LilTunechi . #BELIEVE IT #family." Wow. See that's how being famous works. Justin Bieber gets to publicly claim that he's Lil Wayne's brother, and he doesn't get shot for it.

Justin has been tight-lipped with details of the recording process, but he did reveal that Wayne wasn't the only big name to pay him a visit recently. "in the studio with @timbaland and the crew. #creating... got a lot of things i want to write about. ready to make music," he tweeted. Lil Wayne and Timbaland on the same album? Sounds like the Biebs is trying to move past the tweenage girl crowd and onto a more mature audience.

Naturally I'd love to hint that Megan Fox is looking pissed, which means that she and Brian Austin Green will get divorced, but I won't go there. Brian Austin Green is her Messiah. Megan will hold on at all costs.

Megan and B.A.G. were spotted shopping in Los Angeles on Friday. Megan stuck to her typical disguise: a baseball cap, a T-shirt and some sweats. In an interview she said that she doesn't like to wear makeup. We see that that's true, but it's so easy to spot Ms. Fox. She's thin, always wears her hair down and she's constantly in a baseball cap.

Brian's talking to his mistress on the phone in code. Sorry, couldn't help it. These two are getting divorced.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

Chalk up another victory for Mormon Mitt. Former Massachusetts governor and possible android Mitt Romney is one step closer to becoming the Republican nominee for the 2012 presidential election after winning Tuesday's New Hampshire primary.

With 80% of the vote counted, Romney led opponents with nearly 40% of the tally, and declared victory with a swag usually reserved for battle rappers and Super Bowl MVPs. "We will make 2012 the year Obama runs out of time," Romney told an ecstatic crowd of J. Crewed white people at his post-election celebration. He stopped just short of dropping the mic and declaring that he's going to Disney World.

Romney finished well ahead of Libertarian Republican rival Ron Paul who made another strong showing with 22.9% of the vote and who will likely run as an independent when he eventually loses the nomination to Romney. Going into the South Carolina primary, scheduled for January 21, Romney remains a virtual shoo-in after taking the first two contests of the season. At this point, it seems only a gay sex scandal in which we find out Romney was a power bottom known throughout the community as "Catcher Mitt" could prevent him facing President Obama in this year's general election.

(Photo: WENN)

Apparently, Snooki's love of make-up-caked queens of the gay community doesn't end with her boyfriend, Jionni Lavalle. According to a recent tweet, Snooks also has a thing for Lady Gaga, and the Mother Monster better watch her back or she'll end up forcibly smushed.

"Is @ladygaga in la? Cuz I'd like to rape her before I leave," read the tweet that hopefully had Gaga beefing up her security. Snooks love of the ladies has been well-documented in past episodes of Jersey Shore and though she may not seem very intimidating and 4'9" and 98 pounds, when you get a liter of tequila in her, she can't be stopped by mere mortals.

Sadly, Gaga has yet to take Snooks up on her offer of chlamydia and psychological trauma. I'm hoping these two meet at some point just we can see the resulting photo. Try explaining that picture to future generations. It can't be done.

(Photos: WENN)

Through the Penn State sex abuse scandal, we have been given the opportunity to put a face to a vicious, widespread crime. That face, at the moment, is that of Jerry Sandusky.

Sandusky, 67, has been charged with sexual abuse of eight boys over a 15-year period. His preliminary hearing on 40 criminal counts is scheduled for Dec. 13. A new accuser came forward just days ago.

As parents across the country sit on their couches and call Jerry a sick a-hole, their relatives, friends, neighbors, church members, babysitters, boyfriends, husbands, children's teachers, parents of their children's friends, and others are currently sexually abusing their kids.

Jerry's case has put a spotlight on athletic coaches. Sadly, other abuse allegations involving coaches have surfaced within the past few weeks, but figuring out who may abuse your child isn't that simple. There is no definitive profile of a child molester. 

How many times have we heard parents say that they told their child to tell them if someone touches them? How many times have we, as grown adults, done something that truly terrifies us? How many times have we confessed to participating in something that we are deeply ashamed of and feel responsible for? Every parent assumes that their child will tell them if they have been abused, and nearly every parent is wrong. Case in point: Decades and alleged victims later we are finally hearing that Sandusky was allegedly having his way with young, disadvantaged boys. Decades later some alleged victims are now coming forward.

It's comforting to sit at home, look at Sandusky's rotting teeth, unattractive face, and say that he is sick. Inside we're all thinking that he looks like a child molester, walks like a child molester, and says things that a child molester would. We breathe a collective sigh; our children are still safe, or are they?

As someone whose former babysitter's son is currently sitting in a jail cell convicted of rape, and has victimized some people that I know, as a friend to those who've been abused by relatives, family friends, and others they were close to (and from the countless stories we've all heard), it becomes clear that predators are, essentially, our "friends." The people we "know and trust" are the ones who abuse our kids, and victims often don't speak out.

Zooey Deschanel and Death Cab for Cutie singer Ben Gibbard got married in 2009. The two made an adorable music-loving couple, but they've suddenly pulled a Kim Kardashian on us and the two have called it quits!

Ironically Zooey's career is booming. She recently graced the cover of TV Guide, her show "New Girl" got picked up for a full season, and now's the opportune time for her to sleep her way through Hollywood. Zooey can get any man on the planet by saying she's Katy Perry.

This split is so typical! When one's professional life is thriving, their personal life often goes to hell. I should know. I haven't had sex in a really long time, like, weeks... but my professional life isn't exactly thriving either, so I don't really have a point here. I just believe that it's hard to balance work and sex, unless you sleep with your co-workers.

Photo: Wenn

Katy Perry, her ginormous rack, and awful voice all turn 27 today. I assume she came out of the womb with a set of double-D's screeching about kissing a girl, or something.

Against all odds, Katy celebrated her first wedding anniversary with husband Russell Brand over the weekend. Last night she was back to her hectic tour schedule, performing in Belfast and wearing a bunch of Christmas tree ornaments, for some reason. It's hard to hate Katy (despite her terrible singing), but she needs to stop with the outlandish attempts to be a more attractive version of Gaga. You can't out-weird Mother Monster.

Instead, Katy should just continue to enjoy her role as the giant-boobed non-hipster version of Zooey Deschanel, who writes obnoxiously catchy hit songs. Happy birthday, Katy. Keep doing you.

(Photo: WENN)

We shouldn't be surprised by this. After all, Michelle Obama is a down-to-earth, humble first lady who knows a good bargain when she sees one. But just imagine for a second that you're walking through your local Target and you saw Michelle picking out some $6 sunglasses. You'd be all like, "Whaaaaaat?"

Especially if you saw her in that outfit. That's Michelle at the Alexandria, VA store. I guess she's trying to fit in, but she's at a Target in Virginia. If she really wanted to go unnoticed, she'd have to gain 80 pounds and wheeze with uncontrollable excitement when she saw the half-off sale on microwave taquitos. Just kidding, Virginia!

Apparently, the First Lady picked up some food and toys for the Obamas' dog, Bo. Witnesses says she also stopped by the book section and picked up a copy of "Saving Your Country From Economic Collapse For Dummies." I may have made that last part up.

(Photo: AP)

Remember when Lindsay Lohan was officially Hollywood's "It girl"? Today she's posing for photos in Milan because she has no other offers available. Lindsay was spotted posing for a photo shoot for designer Phillip Plein in Italy yesterday.

Lindsay is a naturally beautiful young woman. Keyword: NATURAL! Her platinum blonde hair doesn't match her frecklecrotch skin, and her extensions are always in knots. And then there's her collagen lips; she's putting ducks to shame.

So anyway, Lindsay is earning money right now for something other than suing someone. Her drug dealer just came.

Photo: Wenn

When will these chicks learn? You can get a lot of things from a relationship with George Clooney - 15 minutes of fame, a spot on Dancing With the Stars, a lesson in how to mash a Viagra pill up in your man's oatmeal so he doesn't even taste it, but what you will not get is a baby.

In fact, just talking about marriage or kids is enough to get your gold-diggin' @ss kicked to the curb, but that didn't stop George's new piece of the month, Stacy Keibler, from saying all the wrong things to friends and reporters at the start of their relationship. According to the Enquirer, Keibler told friends she "desperately wants to get pregnant" by Clooney, saying, "Oh my god, we would have such beautiful children!"

Sure, it's the Enquirer, but in this case I believe them, because, let's face it...of course Stacy said that! The only reason to sign on as the newest Cloon poon is to try and lock his ancient @ss while there's still some functional sperm left in his withered prune bag. George will likely wanna settle down and sire a male heir at some point, and every chick he dates is just hoping to be the one who's around when he gets too senile to keep playing the field. He's old, is what I'm saying.

Unfortunately for Stacy, she effed up by saying it out loud. The first rule of having the Clooney baby is, do not talk about having the Clooney baby. Look for a break-up announcement later today.

(Photos: WENN)