Our Favorite Posts (Page 6)

The club scene is never going to be the same again. Paris Hilton has vowed to stay out of the clubs after her recent arrest for cocaine possession in Las Vegas. Come on Paris, you can't give up now! There's still a handful of people who haven't seen your snatch yet!

Speaking with Radar Online, a source said: "The days of Paris going out to clubs are done. Paris much prefers staying home with her boyfriend [Cy Waits], and watching movies. He has stood by her, and she trusts and respects Cy immensely."

She's staying out of the limelight until this cocaine bullsh*t blows over and she'll be all over the clubs again like a dog in heat. Seriously. She'll be humping unsuspecting club goers with her herpes covered vag and performing oral on the promoters who shower her with free drinks. This isn't the end of the club skank we've all grown to love.

What in the world is going on with Britney Spears' weave? Her hair is taking on a life of its own and somebody needs to tame it because it's starting to look like a sheep dog. If she lets it go long enough, it will learn how to roll over and play dead.

She's never alone and always has a bodyguard and assistant on hand, so why don't they let her in on the little secret that her wretched bald scalp is showing? If you're a true friend, you let them know when they've got something going on like a booger hanging out of their nose or in Britney's case, a new species of animal growing on top of her head.

Hopefully someone will clue her in on these photos of her shopping trip in Sherman Oaks, Ca. yesterday, and she'll get her @ss to the salon. If she's not going to go through the necessary maintenance to keep her weave looking good, she needs to get rid of it.

Happy 24th Birthday Lindsay Lohan! There's no better way for Lindsay to celebrate her birthday than by getting her drink on and snorting lots of coke except that's impossible to do when you're wearing your fashionable SCRAM bracelet! Lindsay tried having a sober good time last night while partying at Voyeur in L.A. last night but that came to an end when a waitress b*tch smacked her!

Lindsay posted a message on Twitter that "A waitress just hit me - punched me for no reason" and a witness to the smack her around the club told Us magazine that Lindsay's not lying! Write this day down on your calendar folks.

"The waitress has a history with Doug Reinhardt, and Lohan was hanging out with him. She was jealous, and out of nowhere, the waitress punched her in the face!" the insider tells Us. "Doug didn't want any part of it and went to the other side of the booth. Lohan ran out."

Lindsay decided to celebrate at Rockstar House where she ran into the waitress again.

"Lohan showed up and cried because the waitress was there as well. Some birthday."

Some birthday indeed! Nothing puts a bigger smile on my face than hearing Lindsay was slapped like a pimp hitting his ho. That may be the best birthday present anyone could ever give her.

As part of her ongoing effort to win the Role Model of the Century Award, Lindsay Lohan may soon be posing nude while wearing her alcohol detection bracelet, as part of a promotion for her 6126 fashion line. The sad thing is that since she's apparently off the sauce, LiLo must have made this decision while (relatively) sober.

Lindsay posed with her ankle monitoring device in 2007

Of course, Linds is no stranger to combining nudity and sadness. In her last naked photo shoot, she pretended to be Marilyn Monroe, a woman who made a career out of being a frequently-nude train wreck, and she'll soon be portraying '70s pornstar Linda Lovelace onscreen, another chick who combined tragedy and exposed boobs in new and interesting ways.

Lindsay could be on to something here. Maybe we'll all soon discover that there's nothing hotter than a naked hot mess rockin' a big chunk of state-issued electronic hardware. It's a look that says to the world, "Hey, I may not be able to drink anymore, but I can still make astoundingly bad decisions. Where's the cocaine?"  The important thing is, Lindsay could be performing a real public service here.  I think she should distribute un-airbrushed outtakes from this shoot to every 16-year old girl in America as an example of what NOT to do with your life. It would be like an After School Special, but with lots more freckles and thigh bruises. So many thigh bruises.

Some hoes just don't know when to keep their suck-hole shut. Case in point, Eminem's ex-wife, Kim Mathers.

In an interview with Detroit, Michigan station WKQI, Kim says there is no chance of a reconciliation with Eminem. Not only is she sickened by seeing him, she also felt the need to speak publicly about Eminem's little Johnson.

"I can't stand him. He's an absolutely horrible person and he gets worse every day. I vomit in my mouth whenever I'm around him or I hear his name. There's nothing left in me for him. Nothing at all. He's not very well endowed. If you're going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work."

It won't be long till Eminem releases a song called 'B*tch My Junk Ain't Small, Your Hole's Just Big' in retaliation for Kim's comments.

Recently, when Britney was having a sleepless night, she decided to call Kevin at nearly 2 a.m. While they initially chatted about their boys, Preston, 2, and Jayden, 20 months, the conversation shifted. And as Britney hoped, Kevin knew exactly how to tire her out" with hours of erotic talk!

They have phone sex often " at least once a week," an insider tells Star. "The one thing those two have in common is their need for sex, and after they get going, there are no holds barred."

Britney: You know what I be wearin' right now?

Daddy Dude: No, baby. What you got on?

Britney: Nothin. No panties, no bra, but I do got on my brown boots.

Daddy Dude: Are you by your purse?

Britney: Why, hun?

Daddy Dude: Get your purse out.

Britney: I got it.

Daddy Dude: Now rub some money across your bare titties.

Britney: I am baby.

Daddy Dude: I wish I was wit you right now, girl, so I could spend some of that shit.

Britney: What?

Daddy Dude: You know I'd spend that money on you, baby. I love you.

Hmmmm. I like the red lips and she has pretty blue eyes. But everything else here practically screams crack head to me. Maybe it's the scarf-belt that's throwing it off? Maybe it's the fact her head and face look really sweaty greasy to me? Or is it that her pants are unbuttoned and it looks like they're squeezing her tiny left thigh hard enough for it to be amputated? It's OK to buy a size 2 I won't shame you for that! Hell, my left thigh isn't a size 2.