I genuinely believe that Paris is in love with a Madden troll. This is scary, all.

Paris Hilton and beau Benji Madden strike a seriously fierce pose on the red carpet for a pre-screening of the latest 007 action flick, Quantum of Solace, Thursday in Los Angeles.

"Every other guy I've been out with has used me for money or sex - but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people. After a while I had to start questioning exactly why somebody wanted to be with me."

Just cause a guy gets tired of triple bagging it and getting vaccinated just so he can have sex with Paris doesn't mean he's using her.

For those who want money or fame, uh, why else would you hang out with Paris, for deep conversations or laughs?

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Paris Hilton, whose romance with Good Charlotte guitarist Benji Madden is still going strong, goes incognito Wednesday, donning long, dark locks and a hoodie as she leaves her London hotel.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden have been together for a whopping eight months!!!!!!!! Benji is really into Paris and I think she's into him, too?! A scientific study should be created to find out how a tall skank gets moist over a vertically challenged, chunky troll.

Benji Madden would like to set the record straight.

"Paris is the love of my life," he tells Life & Style. "She's the most beautiful woman in the world. These rumors are not only hurtful but completely false and absurd. She is my life and the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I never give off any impression other than that I am madly in love with Paris. I am disgusted that people would make up such malicious lies. She is my life, my heart and my soul and is the most important thing in my life. No one exists but her. I am the most loyal guy in the world and would never even look at anyone else."

And Paris?

"Benji and I have an amazing relationship and I trust him with my life. I don't ever believe rumors regarding my love. I know he would never hurt me and he knows the same about me."

I know from personal encounters that the Maddens are two of the nicest guys in Hollyweird, but that doesn't mean this match-up doesn't freak me the hell out!

What will their spawn look like? I really need one of those Conan O'Brien 'If They Mated' pictures. I'm thinkin' chubby, wide-faced kids with Siamese eyes, Paris' beak nose and some wonky wonk.

Just take a look at those ginormous, enormous, colossal, oversized things at the bottom of her ankles that we call feet.

I wanna know what they're talkin' bout!!!Went down like this:

Prince William spotted Xtina, walked over to her and sat his royal arse down. The two were sitting closely, "flirting" like crazy and they exchanged digits.

Then the infested heiress came up, sitting down unannounced. At that point Prince Harry left the table. He wants to have kids someday, doesn't wanna go sterile. Paris sitting her skank ass down apparently upset Xtina but she didn't wanna go ghetto in front of rotalty. Paris and William also exchanged numbers and were friendly.

Think about it, who did Prince William approach first? The one without the diseases. Paris' wonk also influenced the prince's preference.

The wonk is scary business. You dunno whether you should look directly at it, take a quick glimpse then focus on sumthin else, twitch, tell her to fix it, or try to see if its eyelid moves at the same pace of her normal eye. It's work figuring out what to do when you're talking to someone with a fugged up eye. There's a lot that must be figured out first before any attempts should be made, proceeding only if you're exercising proper precautionary steps and have quick reflex reactions.

Christina's bat boy was also in the club. Poor thing is just like a backdrop, effing scenery when Christina wants to talk to other, more attractive people within the same venues.

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Paris Hilton at the Diesel xXx Creative Experiment Party in London.

In her defense, not many women can pull off a Betty Boop red lipstick and, like many others, Paris went where no woman should go and gave it a try. The result is fugness from weave to stiletto. And some fierce wonk eye.

Paris Hilton looks fabulous here, me thinks. But where are her people so they can hold her digital camera and purse while she poses?! I'll do it for you, Paris! :)

In London to find a British BFF, Paris Hilton instead finds the attention of the cameras after a night out at the Cuckoo Club on Thursday. Inside, the heiress interviewed potential candidates for the U.K. edition of her new reality show.