It's time to take a walk down memory lane with new childhood photos of Pauly D when he was just a young buck. These pics are from back in the day before he was using an entire bottle of gel on his hair, and dodging grenades.

You can check out all of the photos of Pauly D and his cute little self after the jump. You'll never believe which awesome big wheel he had when he was a kid!

Pauly D just finished wrapping up tapping season 3 of Jersey Shore, and now he'll be working on two shows. MTV will be creating a new show about Pauly D and his life as a DJ.

Jersey Shore stalkers, aka Radar, reports: "They have already chosen a name and of course it will be deejay-related," a source told RadarOnline.com.

"It's another MTV reality show and he'll be DJ-ing and of course doing things his fans love to watch. It's scheduled to begin shooting within the month."

I enjoy the Jersey Shore ensemble and I'm sure Pauly D may be completely different when he's focused on work. I doubt I'll recognize the DJ on his show compared to the player on Jersey Shore. I have no plans to tune in, but I think his fans, like those who wanna see his sex tape, will.

It was date night on Jersey Shore this week, which means champagne instead of Ron Ron juice and stolen flowers encrusted with semen. Seriously. After getting caught cheating on Sammi with every grenade in South Beach, Ronnie thought it would be a nice gesture to steal the flowers that Vinny bought for the date that stood him up. The flowers that had been in the smoosh room, meaning that every guy in the house had pretty much blown a load on them. And they say chivalry is dead.

Meanwhile, Angelina's latest loser, Jose, gets the ultimate birthday present - a night in the "smoosh room" with a menstruating Angie. I don't know what country this dude is from, but that can't be the American dream he had in mind. To make matters worse, Angelina just rolls over and goes to sleep! I know you're on the rag, b*tch, but at least taste that Cuban's rice and beans. It's his friggin' birthday! So, to recap the relationship between Angie and Jose: dude buys her gifts, takes her out on dates, she cheats on him with her roommate and then won't even give him a case of chlamydia for his birthday. Grow a pair, Jose! I believe the Spanish term for your condition is puta-whipped!

The next morning, because she's both retarded and the devil, Angelina LIES about it and tells her roommates she banged the poor guy! Plenty of girls lie about who they've slept with, but Angelina's got that sh*t backwards. Don't worry, it blows up in her face as everyone in the house calls her a whore, despite the fact that in the past week they've all seen more ass than a port-a-potty at a chili cook-off. Here, the roommates are using a technique known as the Tyler S. Johnson Defense, which basically consists of the phrase, "It's cool when I do it, but you suck and I don't." It's designed for people like Angelina. People who suck.

J-Woww's boyfriend Tom visits, and within about 30 seconds, they're beefing hard over some dude's phone number. Gotta blame J-Weezy for this one. She's known dude was gonna visit for weeks, she could hide an entire phone book under her massive tits, and yet she leaves slut evidence just laying on her bed. Rookie mistake, Jen. You'd think she just fell off the ho train yesterday.

By the way, is Tom 50 or 15? He looks like someone's dad, but he basically stamped his little feet and cried when he found the number.

The Jersey Shore boys got an athletic gear makeover from GQ and I must say, it's quite different than what they normally where to the gym. The guys usually don baggy sweats or shorts with wife beaters like the 'before' pic below, but they put those aside for some fashionable and expensive workout clothes for the photo shoot.

In the article the boys also talk about using personal trainers, staring at themselves while they're pumping iron, and the lamest things dudes do at the gym.

Let's say you're taking a girl on a cruise tomorrow morning and you have two hours of free time today. Gym or tanning bed?

All together: Ooooh!
DJ Pauly D: Tanning bed. You look more toned when you're tan.
The Situation: Gonna have to say the gym. Just get tan on the boat.

What's the lamest thing guys do in the gym?

Vinny: I don't like people that walk around talking the whole time. If you're at the gym, you should be working out.
DJ Pauly D: I have to agree with Vinny. I'm trying to get my set in, you're talking, I'm losing my pump!

You can check out all of the hot makeover photos (including Pauly D's hair makeover) and the rest of the interview after the jump! You know you wanna.

Everyone in the Jersey Shore house hooks up, "smushes," and does whatever with pretty much anyone they want. Sometimes they fondle a tranny or bang a fellow castmate, but at the end of the day, everything goes back to the way it was, no one gets hurt, and maybe someone learns a lesson about looking for man hands if your date is over 5'10". That's the formula. It's like Full House with an STD.

Leave it to Angelina to eff-up the program, though. On Thursday's episode she hooked up with Vinny even though she'd been talking sh*t about him all day, and on last night's special pre-VMA show, she had to deal with the fall-out.

"You're a whore. You're a f*cking whore...And obviously you're a loosey-goose, because he got it in." That was how Dr. Snooki, PhD. summed up the situation. Being called a whore by Snooki is like being called an a*shole by Hitler. Of course, Snooks banged Vinny as well, so I guess she's also a f*cky-duck, or whatever, but that's beside the point.

"You have proven an equation that people have been trying to solve for hundreds of years. That when you're nice to a girl, you take her on four dates, you snuggle with a girl, you buy her gifts, she will not call you. She will play you the f*ck out, and then she will f*ck somebody three days later...Angelina has proven the ho equation" That's how The Situation described, um...the situation. I don't know if we really need an equation to know that Angelina's a ho-bag, but it's nice to see The Sitch take the scholarly approach.

Yeah, Vinny is equally to blame, but 1.) He's a guy (a guy who's on Jersey f*cking Shore, no less) so we expect that kind of thing 2.) Vinny's not currently dating someone like Angelina is, and 3.) Angelina sucks, so I not only blame her for being a ho, I think she's somehow responsible for that whole oil spill thing.

As much as I love talking about what a cum-dumpster Angelina is, other things happened in this episode as well. Vinny's mom showed up with a suitcase full of Entenmann's cakes and Poland Spring water, because god knows you just can't find that stuff in Miami. Even better, she brought Vinny's insanely guido-ish Uncle Nino, who's basically a drunken Italian stereotype come to life. In other words, he's Mike or Pauly D in twenty years.

Speaking of Mike and Pauly D, they go out find some chicks with "the kind of a*s that you read about" who they think are DTF, but it turns out they're DTD (down to dick-tease). It's refreshing to see these guys get shot down now and then, since they're always talking about what "hoes," "sluts," and "Staten Island dumps" girls who give it up are.

Things quickly get weird and whorish, though, as the guys get a raspy-voiced skank to come over at 6 am and bang Pauly D while The Sitch watches. Stay classy, South Beach! Oh, the chick with the pack-a-day voice also says all of her friends are "grenades." B*tch, you're aware that this is eventually gonna be on TV, right?

After some creepy sh*t like that, it's weird to see The Sitch get all moral and insist that Angelina tell Jose about the Vinny incident, but that's exactly what he does.  Somehow, Jose is cool with it, even though she chooses to break the news while Vin himself is doing a little happy dance like 3 feet away.

It was good to see Vinny rolling his face off or whatever, because this episode was weirdly rough on him. The Situation stole a chick out from under him and he was forced to b*tch-beg for a date, only to get stood up in the end. Just goes to show: if you have sex with Angelina, god will punish you...and not just with an itchy, burning sensation. Lesson learned.

This week's episode started with a recap of last week's skank brawl, which Ronnie described as, "like putting firecrackers in a dumpster." With that, Ronnie won the award for best possible description of the Jersey Shore house, thus eliminating the need for people like me. Thanks, bro.

We got to see a little more of the throw-down this week as Ronnie - acting more like a mildly retarded Jersey meathead than the sensitive poet we just found out he is - saw a fight and decided to find some excuse to get involved. He attacked Vinny for some reason and the other guys jumped in to break it up. The Situation didn't take his sunglasses off at any point during the scuffle, proving once again why he's the one with the cool nickname and the endorsement deals.

Sh*t continues to hit the fan as the truth about the letter finally comes out. F-bombs fly like fist pumps, Snooki gets all worked up like a drunk little Tasmanian Devil, Ronnie makes the world's tallest sandwich, and all of America remembers why they started watching this show in the first place.

Just when you think all the drama has died down, JWoww walks back in the house, Ronnie pops some stupid sh*t and, for some reason, Sammi throws a metal thing at Vinny. It bounces off him and makes an awesome CLAAAANG sound like in a goddamn Bugs Bunny cartoon. I'm no stranger to drunk drama, but these kids take it to a whole new level. Maybe I need to put on some spray-tan next time I get wasted.

Next, everybody goes outside and exaggerates the hell out of what happened. Suddenly, Sammi is bragging about "beating the sh*t" out of JWoww, when really they just ripped each other's extensions out and fell on their a*ses like the classy broads they are. Everyone knows if this had turned into a REAL fight, JWoww would've ripped out Sammi's sweetheart and held it in front of her while she breathed her last trashy breath (now that she's down with Angelina, I hate Sammi, too. No one else better side with that ho-monster, or they'll end up on my sh*tlist, as well).

Ronny and Vinnie patch things up, because, really, what the hell were they beefin' about anyway? But the Vinny and Angie feud is just starting to heat up. Angie calls Vinnie a "jerk-off" and rats him out to Mike's sister for "trying" to bang Snooki. Um, he did more than try, b*tch. You don't strike out with Snooki; it's like trying to hit a beach ball with a baseball bat. Literally.  Then, because she's stupid, Angie says something stupid about Vinny getting his a*s kicked when he gets back to Staten Island. Riiiight. Angelina's in the mafia now, just so everyone knows. I've seen the kind of girls that guys kick someone's ass for, and they don't look like Angelina.

The next morning, Sammi and JWoww have the Jersey girl equivalent of a dick-measuring contest, by seeing who broke the most fake nails in the fight.

This week's episode of Jersey Shore started in typically classy fashion, with Snooki dribbling a shot of tequila all down her stumpy self like she just realized her dental dam broke, then flashing her a*s to the camera while she goes and spews in the bushes. She then walked up on a stage and accepted an honorary degree from Harvard. Just kidding about that last part.

What she actually did next was climb in bed with every dude in the house. Literally. Since none of the previous three bears would eat her, Stumpy-locks decided that Vinny's bed was just right. "If she's just gonna throw it at me, I'm gonna take it," Vin said, making sex with Snooki sound like taking a free sample of lemon chicken from the Chinese guy at the food court.

Snickers, on the other hand, had a far more generous description of bumpin' furries with Vinny, "It was like trying to squeeze a watermelon into a pinhole." Way to go, Vin! I wonder how much I'd have to pay my girlfriend to go on TV and describe sex with me that way.

After that, all the girls went to the beach, where no one bothered to explain to Snooki that you can't get much of a tan when you're dressed like Morticia Addams. However, this secret kept everyone from having to look at Snooki's upper body, so let's all agree as a nation to not tell her the truth, OK?

The Situation, meanwhile, broke down the Sammi/Ronnie situation in uncharacteristically sensitive fashion. "He's 100% wrong. He f*cked-up hardcore and made you look stupid," he told Sam. Then he got busted for lying about seeing Ronnie hook up with other chicks. Whoops. So much for Mr. Sensitivity.

Next, Snooki and J-Woww tried unsuccessfully to convince Angelina that she's just as involved with the letter-to-Sammi thing as they are. Ummm....you guys wrote the letter and she didn't so...At first, I was pissed at those two for forcing me to side with Angelina, but they made it up to me by sending her to go fetch Sammi like her name was friggin' Jeeves. Ha! Then Snooki says, awesomely, "Angelina, shut the f*ck up, because who are you?" Yes! Why do I hate Angelina so much? Oh yeah, because she sucks.

Sh*t hits the fan hard - or, "things get gangsta," as The Sitch puts it - when Jenni decides to flip out on Sammi, for some reason. Then everything turns into a game of Clue as Sammi goes all Colonel Mustard and waits until everyone is in the room before she tries to solve the mystery of who wrote the letter. It was Snooki and J-Woww, in the weird 90's-style internet cafe, with the candlestick!

"We never should've written that letter, because she obviously didn't appreciate it," says Snookers. No, she probably appreciates the letter, just not the whole everyone she knows lying to her about it part.

Sammi and Ronnie finally call it quits officially (though later we see them kissing in the car. Whatev.) and Ronnie goes all emo, saying, "All I can do is give her her space and hope time will bring us back together." Lots of dudes turn all tragic Romeo like that after they get dumped, but it's even funnier when dude is a 'roided-up a-hole.

Meanhwile, Vinny becomes concerned about a pain in his eye, which was probably caused by poking himself in it with his giant wang. He goes to the doctor's and nothing comes of it, so I guess MTV just put that scene in there to make the whole country jealous that the Jersey Shore guys have healthcare.

One of the funnier scenes this season comes when The Situation takes a chick home from the club and makes her wait in his bedroom while he eats a four-course meal, smokes a cigarette, solves the New York Times crossword puzzle and writes a short children's book about the importance of sharing. I might've made part of that up. Anyway, then he goes into his room and comes out two minutes later, wearing a damn hat! Did he bang her with the hat on? Now, that's class.

It gets better. The Sitch goes back to bed and tells the girl he called her a cab! The amazing this is, we can all watch him pull this sh*t on TV every week, yet he still gets away with it. That's pimpin'.

The time comes for giant guido Sunday dinner, and the girls crawl their hung-over a*ses out of bed to make good on their promise to cook. Snooki calls her ex-boyfriend for advice on how to make food happen, and shocks everyone by knowing how to spell "tomato." Then she and J-Woww go shopping and try to figure out what a quart is. Seriously.

Because they all secretly hate each other and love drama, the girls b*tch at each other about dinner and Sam refuses to eat, because apparently she's 12 now. Against all odds, they cook up a decent meal, or, as J-Woww puts it, "At the end of the day, we all had a good dinner. Nobody talked sh*t. Everyone enjoyed the meal, except for Debbie Downer." Harsh.

Sammi and Angelina form an alliance, setting the stage for what could be an awesome season finale two-on-two cage match with Snooki and J-Woww. Fingers crossed! Sammi exploits her new "friendship" with Angina by getting her to fess up about who wrote the letter. Did I mention I hate Angelina?

Everyone goes clubbing and karma hits The Situation hard, as Mikey mistakenly hooks up with a pretty obvious tranny. A lesson is learned by all. Every guy who visits Miami (or San Fran; Vegas; Trannytown, Pennsylvania...) would do well to follow Vinny's advice, "If you have to stop and think about it, it's probably a dude." Words to live by.

I was thinking this episode would start with a big confrontation about the letter, but the fireworks don't come until the end, when Pauly D gets sh*tfaced, hooks up with Angelina (I didn't know it was possible to get that drunk. God, I hate that b*tch!) and Vinny calls Angie out for making sh*t up. Sam gets involved for some reason; the truth comes out about the letter (kinda) and J-Woww and Sammi girl-fight it up like only two Jersey girls can. Will J-Woww stomp Sammi to death with a stiletto? Will Pauly D choke on his own vomit in his sleep, or go to the medicine cabinet and pull a Fantasia when he realizes he hooked up with Angelina? Tune in next week to find out!

Mike Sorrentino's career is blowing up like some grenades in a war zone. He's one of the most famous reality TV stars around right now and his appearance on Dancing With the Stars will only get him more exposure and offers.

Mike is already at a disadvantage due to a scheduling conflict with Jersey Shore and DWTS. Still, the former personal trainer is excited to shake those pecs.

“I’m going to lose a couple days practice, but I don’t mind being the underdog. I promise to try my hardest and practice as much as I can and be the best that I can be. I hope the Situation Nation shows up to support me.”  

The Sitch says that he's reserved a ticket to the show for Pauly D and Snooki. He also says that he was nearly speechless when asked to compete. “It’s pretty unbelievable for me to be on one of the biggest shows on MTV to one of the biggest shows on TV."

I'm happy for him and I'm glad that Pauly D will be there alongside Snooki to support him. That's what it's all about, doing well for yourself and bringing your deserving friends and family along for the ride.

I'm voting for Mike for sure so that my votes will help to get Bristol off the show.

That quote is from Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino...or Shakespeare, I forget which. Either way, it pretty much sums up last night's episode of Jersey Shore.

Drama was the word of the day in casa de guido, as relationships ended and dishes went unwashed (Angelina should probably just die already, ya know?).

The episode started with Snooki and J-Woww (it's weird to hear them call each other "Jenny" and "Nicole") discussing the "anonymous" letter they wrote to Sammi.  I can't help but think there's a better way to tell your roommate her boyfriend's a man whore. The letter's in her bedroom. Who is she supposed to think wrote it, the Smoosh Fairy?

To ease the tension, Snooks and J-Weezy go out to celebrate Gay Pride Week in Miami, but more drama ensues when Snooki's douchey boyfriend, Emilio gets pissed at her for hanging out with dudes. Ummm...Emilio, have you seen the show? Be happy it's Gay Pride Week, because that's about the only time you don't have to worry about Snooks rubbing up against something sweaty when she goes out.

A high point of the episode came when Snooki explained the definition of "gay" to Emilio. Apparently, they don't have any of those back home. "They're not attracted to vagina! They're attracted to c*ck," Snooks screamed before slamming down the phone. Who knew? It's good that they don't allow cell phones in the house. All those pissed-off, old-school phone-slam hang ups really add to the drama.

With that, Emilio and Snooks are dunzo and there's one more super-tanned, big-haired hook-up monster running around Miami. Snooks declared her independence by holding one of those picture-burning ceremonies that I thought only happened in romantic comedies.

Meanwhile, The Situation and his boys find themselves in a situation involving too many hoes in the house. Fortunately, one of the skanks is a "hippopotamus," meaning that she has body fat someplace other than her boobs. Gross! Fortunately, our heroes found a way to get "the grenade" to "blow up in Ronnie's room."  Everyone got laid while the possibly slightly overweight chick slept quietly. That's the kind of happy ending that brings tears to my eyes.

There was more Angelina hatin' as the house outcast chatted on the phone instead of doing the dishes. This prompted more fat jokes from The Sitch, who told her to "get on the treadmill." Are these guys aware they live with Snooki, who is, ya know, actually fat?

But the real sh*tstorm struck when Snooki and J-Woww finally decided to deliver the controversial letter to Sammi. To the surprise of no one with an actual, working brain, both Sammi and Ronnie became quite interested in finding out who wrote the letter. Sherlock Ron lets Snooki off the hook, determining that the two-syllable SAT word "wisely" would be beyond her vocabulary. In one of this season's funnier moments Ron declares, "I'm more pissed that the letter was anonymous, because they think I'm f*cking stupid and I'm not gonna know who wrote it." Well, Ron, you don't know who wrote it, so I guess you're...never mind.

The guys declare it's time for GTF. No, not gym, tan, f*ck...gym, tan, "find out who wrote the letter," duh. At this point the mystery is getting deep, and it basically turns into an episode CSI, but with better abs.

The letter proves to be a good idea, as Sammi's embarrassment is lessened by the note being passed around and read by every person in the house.

In his usual gentlemanly fashion, Ronnie says he "can't keep doing this with Sammi." Can't keep doing what? Getting caught cheating? Ronnie then takes revenge on Sammi (revenge for getting caught cheating?!) by placing a call to his "hometown honey" and inviting her down to Miami for some GTS, which I'm guessing means gym, tan, Scrabble.

Ronnie and Sammi finally end it in the mature fashion we've come to expect from these two, with Sammi saying she "should've cut" Ronnie a long time ago and Ronnie weirdly calling her "bro," repeatedly. Stay classy, ya'll.

So ends another week of high drama in Wuthering Heights. I mean, Miami Beach.

Not only do the Shore kids party and fight all the time, but they also edumacate us. Thursday night we learned two definitions that we should all inject into our conversations at least a few times/ day.

They're back, baby! Photo taken by Firecracker

The Situation explains that "A grenade is a bigger ugly chick and a land mine is a thinner ugly chick!" I love it, however, I have to take issue with the women The Situation is calling "bigger" chicks cause the grenades on the show are NOT FAT, but hey, some men like their women thin and considering how obsessed Mike Sorrentino is with his down syndrome looking abs, he can be as  picky as he wants to be.

The episode begins with Pauly D driving to Mike's house so they can drive all the way to Miami from New York. We are also introduced to Nicole Snooki Polizzi's "gorilla juicehead" boyfriend who turns her into a black chick via fake tanning spray because she doesn't "go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning. Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn’t have that problem. Obviously."

J-Woww picks Snooki up from her house and they joke about Angelina, saying that her "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" flat ass better not be at the house.

Mike and Pauly D make it to the house first, then they hear a voice, and, duh duh duh duuuh .... It's Angelina! Angelina is SO friggin desperate, I pretty much cringed during all of her moments on the premiere. First of all, Angelina says that she wants to move into Mike and Pauly D's room. They reluctantly tell her it's fine. Angelina even says, "I may hookup with you guys one night sometime, but who gives a sh!t, who gives a f*ck. It's cool, right?" - Angelina said something along those lines, DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!! Translation: I know that everyone hates me so I hope you don't mind if I ram my tongue down your throat or bang you because no one else in the house will pay me any attention. Please let me sleep in your room.

Vinny shows up and it's great to see how well he gets along with Pauly D and The Situation. Vinny says, "Angelina lacks brains, so we don't get along!" Sammi is also back in the house with her meathead and airhead ex-boyfriend Ronnie. She's all tormented by his presence.

Snooki says that Angelina was talking sh!t about her and she'd respect Angelina if only she'd apologize, but J-Woww and Snooki don't say a word to Angelina when they walk into the house and see her. That night, everyone heads out to go clubbing in Miami and J-Woww gets in Angelina's face and threatens to kick her ass. It's sad to see. Angelina says that it was "three girls against one" and she wants to stay away from the girls cause she's "too classy" to fight with them. Uh, huh. She is such a loser for coming back.