Quote Me Of The Day News

It's gross to think about your parents doing a little bump and grind but it's worse to imagine Ozzy Osbourne getting his rocks off with his wife Sharon. In a recent interview, Ozzy made it clear that just because he's getting old, doesn't mean he can't give Sharon a good poking.

"We have good sex. My kids think it's obscene that me and Sharon still have sex, but just because you get older, your d--k don't fall off."

Just imagine if you were in bed with Ozzy who was coming up from giving you some oral lovin' and the photo above is the image you see. That's hot! Any old fart who wears guyliner and has to use that little blue pill to keep his d*ck hard, can climb into my bed any day.

Josh Duhamel doesn't need to get some poon from a stripper when he has a girl at home who's a freak in the bed. In the new issue of Cosmopolitan, Fergie says she can be your run of the mill normal girl, or she can also be your dirty little slut.

"You know, in Italy, Catholic boys are raised to believe that there are two types of women: the Madonna and the whore. And me? I’m both."

That's my kind of girl! You have to switch things up every once in a while to keep your man satisfied. Why would Josh bang a stripper when he's got his own whore at home?

Michael Lohan is always talking to the press about Lindsay Lohan. His estranged daughter is currently trying to get a restraining order against him for California, cause he often shows up to her Los Angeles home unannounced.

Michael Lohan told the NY Post's Page Six,

"She's a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old."

Although I agree with what Michael said about Lindsay, I'm free to do so. I'm not her parent. The last thing he should do is say that his young daughter looks nearly four times her age. Lindsay has battled an eating disorder for the past few years, she's injected her lips with collagen, spray tans her skin constantly, changes her hair extensions like every hour,... She's insecure and Papa Lohan isn't helping.

Mike isn't a panty creamer himself! Lindsay may look 100, but Michael acts like he's four.

Jennifer Love Hewitt takes the photoshop award for the latest issue of Shape magazine. It's amazing how toned her body can get in less than two months after the photos were released of her playing tennis in a bikini.

In the issue Jennifer talks about working on eating better, and having more confidence in herself.

"For the most part, yeah, I'm happy with my body, but there are days when I'm like, 'Ugh! Really? Why is it so hard to fit into my jeans?' That’s when I say to myself, 'I look this way because I'm supposed to. If we all looked the same, we'd be boring.'"

We wouldn't be boring, we'd all be gorgeous and sexing it up with each other! I know why I don't fit in my jeans, it's called a fat *ss. I definitely don't say to myself 'oh, my butt has expanded two inches in the past month but it's o.k., cause I'm suppose to keep getting fatter.'

Stop searching for George Clooney on Facebook cause the old fart doesn't plan on getting on the site any time soon. It's probably a good thing he doesn't get on there cause he wouldn't want his other whores around the globe being able to contact him on a whim.

"I'd rather have a rectal examination on live TV by a fellow with cold hands than have a Facebook page."

Well then it's time to bend over George! I would gladly pay to watch you get your prostate massaged by an old Jewish doctor who smells like prune juice, any day. Can you feel my love in the air for ol' Georgey boy? I thought so. :)

Oh, my God. I really need to meet him and mess up his marriage. And mess up mine, too... Have you seen his hands? I'm sorry, but I'm a big hand freak, and those hands could wrap around you twice."

Malin Akerman isn't being totally serious, but she does have a huge crush on Barack Obama. Watch out Malin, or Michelle Obama and her guns for arms will pound your ass in the ground. Nothing's hotter than a good cat fight between chicks with great hair.

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz filmed an episode of Rachel Ray that will air on September 15. Ashlee's been out promoting for Melrose Place, a CW spin-off where she plays a character named Violet.

Ashlee said,

"I could do the splits when I was nine months pregnant. I could put my leg over my head still. I used to be a ballerina."

I used to be a ballerina too, but I can't put my legs over my head anymore. I used to walk around the house doing splits all the time when I was younger. But if I tried that shiz now, I'd break multiple bones in the attempt and be forced to tongue-dial 911 to get me to the hospital asap.

I dunno how Ashlee's managed to remain so flexible for so long.

 Ashley Olsen is in the new issue of Marie Claire and talks about having such a fabulous childhood growing up on TV..

Ashley Olsen on growing up while working on Full House:

"[Growing up,] it was almost like I was in the Army," she laments. "School, work, homework, fly to New York, get in at 2 in the morning, do a morning show at 5 a.m., then another one at 7, then a radio interview at 10."

Can you imagine going through that day in and day out when your just a kid? That's child abuse! No wonder Ashley and Mary-Kate are so tiny and look malnourished, cause they never had time to eat. Now that they're worth trillions of dollars, they can't be complaining too much about working so hard when they were little.

Miley Cyrus is gonna be stuck with snaggle teeth for life. Okay so they're not that bad but they are a little wonky.

Miley says that daddy Billy has put his foot down and won't allow her to get her grill fixed.

"My dad won't let me fix my teeth or cut my hair. He loves it. He's like, 'It's you.'"

Come on dad, let the girl get some new pearly whites! Just don't let her go all Hilary Duff and end up with horse choppers.

"Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I'm sorry — I'm not the guy. It just doesn't fit me. I'm not 20."

How bad is it that President Barack Obama has to defend the jeans he wears? I will agree that they are a bit on the short side and a little out dated. They kinda remind me of early 90s Guess Jeans, which were a bit baggy in the butt and legs.