Tiger Woods has affected more people than the damn H1N1 virus and it's getting out of control. I'm beginning to wonder if I slept with Tiger too. Hmmm, there was that one night after the Memorial Tournament when.... Nah!

Sleeping around on your woman is totally disrespectful and disgusting but Tiger took it a step further by falling in love with his main sex squeeze, Rachel Uchitel. In numerous emails, Tiger wears his emotions on his Nike golf shirt sleeve as he explains how he feels for Rachel.

"I know it’s brutal on you that you can’t be with me all the time. I get it. It f***ing kills me, too. I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. I want you to lay next to me, lay on me or where ever you want to lay. F***. Why didn’t we find each other years ago. We wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Tiger wasn't the first celebrity notch on Rachel Uchitel's bed post as she has been linked to David Boreanaz and Derek Jeter in the past. In another email obtained by In Touch Weekly, Tiger wonders if Rachel is only sexing him because he's famous.

I thought I was getting to know you, but it feels like I’m just another person who happens to be famous. I don’t know what person I was falling for so hard. The one I got to know on the phone, e-mail, text and in person. Or the one who likes famous people. Is it the Rachel I know or the character? That’s what’s hard. It guts me to think I’ve fallen for the wrong one.”

Wow. Seriously, that's all I've got on this one...WOW!

Wow! She looks different.

Tiger Woods' mistress #1, Rachel Uchitel is seen here posing topless. She was 21 years old at the time and she was trying to recreate Calvin Klein jeans ads.

Rachel was an aspiring model. This picture is crazy. Remember how all women used to walk around in mom jeans? It is so shameful, just slightly more shameful than the world finding out that you're a golddigging homewrecker.

Tiger Woods allegedly still tried to make f*ck with Rachel Uchitel days after a huge fight with wife Elin Nordegren which led to his SUV crash.

Sources say that Tiger was a texting fool, telling Rachel he wanted to figure out a way to "see her" naked for sex. This was all after the National Enquirer had put him on blast for his affair with Rachel.

Rachel allegedly had an affair with Tiger for two months -- an affair she has told people was "intense" and a "real relationship." She also told people Tiger had pursued her for 4 months prior to the time they got involved and was very "possessive" and "jealous."

And, one of Rachel's friends says Tiger told her that he loved her.

Tiger loves himself and Ambien sex. I'm not so sure he's capable of loving another woman and treating her with respect. Tiger wanted to get with Rachel even after jizz hit the fan? The man may have many serious problems.

It's not all about ecstasy, kids. Ambien is also apparently great for sexy times too.

Rachel Uchitel told her friends that she and Tiger Woods liked to have sex while taking Ambien, a sleep aid drug used for insomnia.

Uchitel told one pal, 'You know you have crazier sex on Ambien - you get into that Ambien haze. We have crazy Ambien sex.'"

I can just hear horny folks talking to their doctors right now, complaining about how they suddenly just can't get any sleep.

Tiger Woods is a freak and he's got a great imagination.

Besides sexting Jaimee Grubbs that he's gonna wear her out when he sees her, he also sent Rachel Uchitel an email about having some threesome dream involving her and her former lovers Derek Jeter and David Boreanaz.

"I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament. I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f--ked by Derek and David [Boreanaz]. Some part of me thinks you would like that."

In the email Tiger sent he also said, "Now I can't get back to sleep. My body is tired, but my mind is awake. Need an Ambien." So he's emailing in the middle of the night that he had some threesome dream about two dudes pounding his chick? I didn't know he had all that horny-ness in him. It's kind of impressive.

TMZ is so quick to jump on stories whenever a scandal emerges, that they'll say anything for more hits.

Rachel Uchitel and Tiger Woods did not make a business deal. Rachel wanted to cancel her press conference yesterday due to "fear and secrets."

Rachel became "scared for her safety" because she knows so much about Tiger, his alleged affairs and a variety of other Woods matters. Tiger confided in Rachel ... she knows specifics about "other women," as well as information about Tiger's marriage.

Rachel isn't afraid of Tiger, she just wants to disappear for a while. The whore has been shamed and Elin Nordegren has been spared. Too bad Tiger's other sluts won't STFU.

Rachel Uchitel's scheduled press conference for today was canceled after Tiger Woods agreed to pay her some hush money, allegedly.

Rachel Uchitel was texting Tiger when his wife Elin grabbed his phone and then called Rachel. That was the last time Rachel had corresponded with her former bed buddy. Last night, Rachel, Tiger, and his camp had a half hour chit chat.

Rachel, Tiger and his reps knew full well her original plan was to lie and deny the sexual relationship.

No financial deal has officially been made yet.

Rachel Uchitel has slept around, but she wants us to think that she's innocent when it comes to Tiger Woods. Rachel says, "I told the [National] Enquirer and Star that it wasn't true. I told them not only did I have information to disprove the story, but I offered to take a lie-detector test."

Rachel then went on to explain who the National Enquirer's two "sources" are, claiming that one of them is "a f*cking hooker and wants money." I kind of like this chick.

Rachel said that the story's first "source" was invited to take a trip to Europe with Rachel but the trip ended "after a day" when her new friend fell down the stairs at a restaurant because she was so drunk. Rachel claims that it was "so embarrassing" to associate herself with said ho and it was "a total nightmare."

Rachel adds, "The whole thing's a lie. Tiger never told me he loved me. They said they overheard him saying he loved me. It's just stupid. I've never texted or talked to him on the phone...."

As if we're supposed to believe Rachel?

Is it just me or am I on a Rachel and Tiger roll here today? Bare with me. So far it's a slow news day, but I'll get off of these two for a while. Maybe.

Rachel Uchitel was determined to sleep her way to the top. Rachel's snatch has been linked to married actor David Boreanaz and New York Yankee players Derek Jeter and A-Rod.

In 2004, she married Wall Street trader Steven Ehrenkranz but split after four months. She was also engaged to investment banker Andy O'Grady, who later died in 9/11 attacks.

As for reports that her affair prompted Woods' mysterious car crash Friday, she said: "I don't understand why anyone would think this is anything to do with me."

Rachel is reportedly "overwhelmed" with being the center of a sex scandal and has hired celeb attorney Gloria Allred. Happy holidays, whore.

If Tiger Woods' mistress, Rachel Uchitel, ended up looking anything like the ho who brought Steve Phillips down, I would suspect that he, too, has a sex addiction.

However, Rachel doesn't look like she needs protection from the Save the Whales Foundation whenever she goes for a swim at the beach.

Rachel Uchitel has a long face and she looks manly, but she has the body to make up for it. Check out these pictures of the socialite homewrecker and decide for yourself. Was it worth it for Tiger?