Robert Pattinson
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I can describe the New Moon premiere in one word: PANDEMONIUM! In fact, I am 100% certain that my ears will never be the same. Thousands of high-pitched, screeching, shrieking females busting out their vocal chords in unison for hours has changed my life forever.

Now, I wasn't supposed to be at the New Moon premiere but those who know me in person know that I have a long history of getting in backstage at concerts and the like. It's all about faking confidence. There were THREE check-in points that I had no desire to attempt approaching. So I walked past all three and just looked a security guard in the eye and walked on over to the red carpet, per usual, and they bought it.

The premiere was held at the beautiful community of Westwood near UCLA. Streets were blocked off. Fans and cops aligned the street for blocks. I hadn't seen anything like it before.

Most of the celebrities and even Twilight cast members arrived in limousines or SUVs with tinted windows. But when Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart showed up - solo and in that order - they arrived in black cars with glass windows, therefore fans were able to spot them for blocks in advance and the screaming commenced and continued on end. In fact, it didn't matter if anyone famous exited a car or not, fans began screaming whenever a vehicle drove down the friggin' street.

Kellan Lutz, Dakota Fanning, Taylor, Robert and Kristen all personally greeted fans, but their personal interactions involved very few fans and interactions were brief. Fans had been camped out for up to five days, but how many people can say they were within a few feet of Patsy?

The New Moon premiere was like the second coming of Christ and I'm glad that I got to witness the hilarious hysteria, like the mother whose daughter wanted to leave but she wanted to stay. Ha! And the overall, tangible energy of the crowd was fun. I had no access to any of the stars because they're honestly like Christ himself - way too many handlers and snobs everywhere and psycho publicists.

I think it's great to get excited over something like Twilight if it brings you pleasure. I spoke with the lady in the top picture of this post and I wouldn't fly from Hawaii to L.A. only hoping to score some tickets to New Moon, but if she had fun doing it and has the money to do so (I hope she does) than great for her.

I did see all of the celebrities that were there: Jennifer Love Hewitt (with her great badonkadonk and looking very hot), Jamie Kennedy, 50 Cent, Jennie Garth, the New Moon cast, the Glee cast, etc. But I only have a few pictures below because the paparazzi were literally shoving me out the way and my camera sucks, therefore taking pictures became useless. I think a great time was had by all.

And to everyone checking out the movie tonight at midnight, I hope you love it. I'm going on Friday night.

When Robert Pattinson was filming an outdoor makeout scene with Emile de Ravin, female fans and bloggers went crazy.

Initially we didn't know if Emile was his new girlfriend. They looked so happy together. Our hearts palpitated and then sank as we reviewed the 'proof' of their budding new relationship. Noooooooooo! Not Patsy! And then we had a sigh of relief when we discovered that Emile wasn't his new lady friend and by 'we' I mean my own damn self.

Robert Pattinson is a talented actor and like Leonardo DiCaprio and others who starred in larger than life films, if he has drive, he has all the right tools to prevent himself from being typecast and to create a very lengthy, remarkable, diverse career. Here he is in the trailer for his new movie, Remember Me.

This looks good!

I don't think Robert Pattinson realizes there are some fans out there that will do exactly as he asks because there are crazy Twilight mofos who take everything he says as so serious, it's like they're getting a special message from God. He figured that out on his own when he jokingly told a fan to take her clothes off and she actually did.

In an interview with Ellen, which will air Friday, Robert said when you sit there signing hundreds of autographs it can get pretty boring and he wanted to do something to spice it up. When a fan asked what she could do to get his attention he responded she could take her clothes off, which is exactly what she started doing.

"She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security. I never felt more terrible."

Did he feel bad because she was yanked out of the signing or because she had the body of an elephant and the boobs of an 80-year-old woman? Maybe he should see how far he can push the envelope and ask for a blow job next time.

Robert Pattinson is a very nice guy. He's energetic and humble and he laughs a lot, especially when Ryan Seacrest asks him a question that he clearly was not supposed to ask.

I think Ryan needs to switch it up and stop being such a walking, talking tabloid. It's interview segments like these that have made Brangelina shun him and John Mayer confuse him. He doesn't have to go all TMZ on everyone all the time. It's sweet of him trying to break news for his fans or for press, but asking Robert if he's banging Kristen isn't gonna work. Kristen and Robert are too private for that and Ryan ends up looking like an idiot.

How professional of her! Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke has officially confirmed Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's relationship.

By the look on Kristen's face, it makes ya wonder if the Robert stinky rumors are true.

In a new interview with Time magazine, the fired Twilight Saga director says that she had warned Robert to stay away from Kristen Stewart cause she was 17 at the time they were shooting Twilight. Catherine told Patsy, "She's under 18. You will be arrested."

Now that Kristen is 19 and Robert is 23, the cops won't be after him. They waited.

"In terms of what Kristen told me directly, it didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film. I think it took a long time for Kristen to realize, O.K., I've got to give this a go and really try to be with this person."

Kristen and Robert clearly have a lot of chemistry, but it's so understandable why so many actors hook up while working on film. You spend so much time in your damn trailer, which I'm assuming has a bed. And let's face it, beds can be very tempting, if not downright suggestive.

Since Robert Pattinson and the rest of the Twilight gang are taking all of the magazine's hostage until New Moon comes out, it's only fitting we have a quote from Rob about his fabulous hair. Is it just me or do these three look super hot on the cover on EW!

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Robert Pattinson explains how his hair is the real star of the show. He just happen to be the guy cool enough to be attached to it. Rob says his hair is 75% of his performance and his hair has to appear perfectly coifed during filming in the movies in case they use a particular clip for a trailer.

"In the third one, I’m doing fight scenes and there’s a strand going down my forehead and they’re like, ‘We need to do it again because no one will recognize you! No one will know who it is!’"

The folks who work with Patsy are extreme perfectionists. "I have to look like the poster at all times. Just in case they want to use any clip for the trailer. Any clip at all! There were about five people in different departments who, because of my forelock, ended up in tears.”

His hair is the whole reason people go crazy when they see him cause it's the actual star of the movie. His hair gets to take special smoke breaks and gets its own condo during filming just so it won't have a Lindsay Lohan melt down when they're shooting and not cooperate with the hair stylists. Rob always says he can't get a date but I bet his hair his hooking up with the best celebrity weaves in the biz.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson aren't as sneaky as they think they are with their relationship. The two were photographed holding hands while getting ready to board a plane in Paris last night.

 It's obvious they are an item but neither wants to talk about their relationship to the media. I understand that, but don't lie about being f*ck buddies! They bring more attention on themselves by denying their dating, but there's a chance the stories would die down just a tad if they would be open about it.

Robert Pattinson looks super happy with Kristen which makes me want to vomit thinking about them cuddling and smelling each other's body odor.

I've never found Robert Pattinson to be an attractive guy because he always looks like he's been living in the dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant. It appears as though he hasn't showered in days, and his hair could possibly be a breeding ground for the black plague.

In an interview for New! magazine, Robert says his fans who love and adore him would drop that thought if they sat next to him for a few minutes. He's also a big advocate of saving the planet by wearing the same pants for days in a row. Alright it has nothing to do with going green, he's just dirty and lazy.

"These jeans are a few days old. I don't know, my personal hygiene — it's so disgusting!"

Oooh now that's hot! I've never wanted anything more than a man who smells like dirty feet, and has mold growing in his crotch due to his lack of showering. I totally see why the girls have such a fascination with the dirty boy now.

Because New Moon is desperately lacking promotion, the cast is on a tour, coming to a city near you! Cast members have already hit up Hollywood and Denver and there's many more stops left. So check it out if you wanna deal with the pandemonium and the girls who are screaming and creaming at the same time.

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart get along for obvious reasons. But it's nice to see Kellan Lutz trying to nibble on Nikki Reed. They all look like they have a great time together. Its the fans that have made the Twilight saga so hugely successful; a tour is a great idea and it's the least they can do.

I'm starting to have a Patt-Stew seizure from all this news about whether Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are dating or not. Earlier I posted a story about the two just being friends, then I read they were seen smooching last night. Somebody please give me a Vicodin.

"I probably would’ve answered it if people hadn’t made such a big deal about it. But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer."

Kristen's like a little dark mullet haired deer that we just scared back into the woods. Too much attention and the deer takes off running or in Kristen's case, she won't talk! She won't give a straight answer and says to think about every hypothetical situation between her and Robert Pattinson.

'Okay, we are. We aren't. I'm a lesbian.'"

See I told you either Robert liked penis or she was a lezbo. If Rob is going to go be gay, he better be hooking up with Taylor Lautner. Now that story would throw everyone off!