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Russell Brand and Katy Perry: Divorce Finalized, Katy Signs Papers With Smiley Face

poponthepop@gmail.com (Lil Payne) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:30:00 EST

It's officially over: Russell Brand and Katy Perry terminated their 14 month marriage yesterday by signing court papers that basically stipulated they'd both leave the marriage the same as they came into it. The split seems to be completely mutual and amicable which has led many to wonder why Katy signed her court documents with a smiley face.

Putting a happy little emoticon on your divorce decree could seem like a serious "eff you" to your ex, but there's no reason to assume that's the case here. As we found out yesterday, Russell did the stand-up thing by declining to pursue half of Katy's massive fortune, and there's been no talk of cheating or abuse. My guess is, the smiley face is just force of habit for the perpetually bubbly Katy.

The settlement was reached in record time for a Hollywood divorce. The couple agreed to evenly divide all property that they acquired together during the marriage. There are no kids involved, of course, though Katy and Russell did adopt a cat, Krusty, who's fate remains undetermined. I hope they don't do the shared custody, every other weekend thing. That can seriously mess a cat up.

(Photo: WENN)

Russell Brand To Katy Perry: "I Don't Want Your Money!"

poponthepop@gmail.com (Lil Payne) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 10:50:43 EST

We're not accustomed to seeing mature behavior in Hollywood, or in divorces, and especially not in Hollywood divorces, but it looks like Russell Brand has decided to buck the trend. According to reports, Russell has elected to waive his community property rights, thus passing up the opportunity to score as much as half of ex-wife Katy Perry's estimated $44 million fortune.

A source tells TMZ, "This divorce is as amicable as it gets, and Russell was a mensch (Yiddish for a good person). He doesn't want Katy's money." Smart move. The money wouldn't be worth the long-term damage to Russell's career. It's hard to land movie roles when the American public thinks of you as that pervy Brit who took Katy Perry for everything she's worth.

Still, this move might contribute to the perception that Russell's sex addiction caused the split and he feels guilty about it. He's still doing the right thing, though. Spousal support and community property laws were designed so that housewives who never worked before wouldn't be left homeless by a divorce, not so that you could win the lottery by leaving the right person without a prenup.

Russell Brand Wants Zooey Deschanel?

poponthepop@gmail.com (Lil Payne) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:45:00 EST

Russell Brand and Zooey Deschanel are both newly divorced, and according to OK! Magazine, Russell thinks there's no reason why the two of them shouldn't hook up. What a coincidence! I feel the exact same way about myself and Zooey!

“Russell has had his eye on Zooey for a long time,” says an anonymous source. "He’s been sending funny, flirty texts to see if they can get together. He thinks she’s hysterically funny and cute too." The article goes on to say that Zooey is "intrigued" by Russell, which is enough to make me think the whole story is BS. Stranger couples have happened, but the ink isn't even dry on Zooey's divorce papers, and she hardly seems like the type to rush right into another relationship. Plus, unlike Russell, Zooey has a thriving career to think about.

Much has been made of the resemblance between Zooey and Russell's ex, Katy Perry, and that's probably how this story was born. I guess the two look somewhat alike, but as for all the claims that Katy and Zooey are practically twins, all I can say is, Katy wishes!

(Photos: WENN)

Russell Brand Already Seeing Other Women

onthepopmail@yahoo.com (Firecracker) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:43:02 EST

Well, he is a sex addict, so, uh, he's going to be having sex! Us Weekly reports that Russell Brand is already dating new b!tches. Sadly, Katy Perry already knows that her ex is whoring himself out.

"She discovered through her friends. One of the women told a friend of hers and it got back to Katy," an insider says.

Russell is also talking sh!t about Katy to his new chicks. "He's spoken terribly about Katy to them," the source says of Brand. Naturally Rusty is going to bad mouth Katy to make himself look good, but it doesn't end there!

Russell plans to "explore a relationship" with one ho in particular. "[Russell] told her he wanted her to move in with him after the divorce is final," confirmed the insider. SMH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These new chicks need all the luck in the world. Good luck taming your man whore, girls.

Photo: Wenn

Katy Perry Unfollows Russell Brand on Twitter

onthepopmail@yahoo.com (Firecracker) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 12:44:31 EST

Katy Perry is no longer following Russell Brand but Rusty is still following his estranged wife on Twitter. Russell only follows 78 people on the popular micro-blogging site but Katy is done with him.

A source says that Katy and Russell communicate via phone or email only because she's "limiting" her interactions with him.

Perry performed a concert in Indonesia yesterday and she recently shot an Adidas ad in Santa Barbara, California. Katy's source says: "She doesn't want to look battered and have people for sorry for her. She's very strong and confident."

I'm impressed!

Katy Perry Will "Never Forgive" Russell Brand

onthepopmail@yahoo.com (Firecracker) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 12:17:29 EST

Us Weekly continues to stand by its claim that Katy Perry was blindsided by Russell Brand when he filed for divorce on Dec. 30. Now a source explains why Perry feels betrayed by her husband. Us magazine reports that "multiple sources confirm" that Russell dropped a bomb on Katy, despite public denials from a rep.

What's most hurtful to Katy is that Russell is planning to go in-depth about their 14-month marriage in an upcoming memoir. Sounds like something he would do!

"Katy is insulted and feels betrayed that Russell has treated her so poorly. She will never forgive him. Ever."

Katy is "in panic mode" regarding her ex's tell-all but she's keeping herself busy with projects, like shooting an Adidas commercial the other week. She's also putting in effort to "limit interactions" with her husband, another source says.

"He's being so atrocious that she feels like she never knew him."

It's always comforting when the last person you thought would be a douchebag turns out to be a nightmare. At least this breakup will make for one amazing album. For Katy's next record, think Adele meets Britney Spears meets Ke$ha!

Russell Brand Takes Off Wedding Ring In Video

poponthepop@gmail.com (Lil Payne) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 12:47:42 EST

Just weeks before filing for divorce from Katy Perry, Russell Brand posted a video online in which he "jokingly" removes his wedding ring for the camera.

Russell Brand Removes Wedding Ring

The video features Russell talking about his upcoming college tour, which took place in late 2011. At one point, he mentions how much he looks forward to learning about American sororities. He then takes off the ring, saying that he's just gonna "put it someplace safe for the next week."

Odd that Russ would make a video like this less than a month before ending his marriage. Does the joke indicate that he wasn't aware his relationship was in trouble? Or is it just further evidence that Katy couldn't satisfy former sex addict Russell? Either way, we're guessing Brand got all his sorority questions answered and then some.

Katy Perry Couldn't Satisfy Russell Brand's Sexual Desires

onthepopmail@yahoo.com (Firecracker) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 20:49:44 EST

The tabloids are milking Katy Perry and Russell Brand's split. Considering Russell's history, his back story is a tabloid writer's dream, providing perfect fodder from which to create predictable rumors. Clearly running a story given by one of Perry's sources, Us Weekly used a bad photo of Russell, along with a sensationalized headline: "Married to a Crazy Man" for its cover.

Us claims that Katy was "duped" into getting hitched without a prenup, Russell was co-dependent, wanted to start a family soon, wasn't supportive of Katy's music career, and told her she wasn't funny when she hosted SNL.

The most entertaining portion of the article is about Katy and Rusty's sex life.

According to a source: “Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her. When things got bad, if they got a roll in the hay, they were always better after.”

Katy would schedule monthly date nights at nice hotels to keep the spark alive but that still was "never enough." Russell is nastay! “He likes dirty things. He really gets off on one particular porno with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him. And he has a closet full of sex toys.”

I gotta hand it to Katy. She's cocky as hell for marrying a former sex addict. I'm sure Katy was great in bed when she was around. But keeping a man like Rusty satisfied long-term is gonna be a challenge, if not damn near impossible. More importantly, I can't be the only one who wants to check out wheelchair porn now. *Crickets.

Russell Brand May Receive Half of Katy Perry's Fortune

poponthepop@gmail.com (Lil Payne) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:45:17 EST

Regardless of how things may have ended, it seems marrying Katy Perry was the smartest thing Russell Brand ever did. Not only did the washed-up comic get unrestricted access to some of the world's most famous breasts, he also extended his 15 minutes of stateside fame, and now that the divorce proceedings are under way, it seems that Russell may enjoy a boon even bigger than Katy's ample D-cups.

Because they were like totally, in love, and apparently functionally retarded, Katy and Russell never signed a prenuptial agreement. That would be fine if they had assets and careers of similar value, but the problem is Katy just became the first artist since Michael Jackson to have five number one singles off one album, while Russell starred in that movie about the animated Easter bunny.

So yeah, Katy is worth a lot more, and if her soon-to-be ex decides to file for spousal support, he may be entitled to half of her $40 million fortune. Sounds like Katy should've stuck to kissing girls. Zing!

Katy Perry and Russell Brand Divorce: They Were Polar Opposites

onthepopmail@yahoo.com (Firecracker) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 12:15:43 EST

Katy Perry and Russell Brand rushed into marriage while they were both in the honeymoon phase, infatuated with each other and fascinated by their differences.

It was obvious that these two were really into each other, but at the end of the day (literally), Katy would wanna go partying and Russell would wanna stay in.

They often fought in front of people at clubs and award shows. Katy loves to party and Russell is a former drug addict who didn't enjoy the scene at all. Russell would wanna leave parties early, asking his wife to leave with him, which would start an argument.

Neither party believes the other cheated. These two were "just a bad pairing." Sad.