Sean Penn

After three months of chain-smoking and passing out drunk together, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn have called it quits. Jeez, if a recently divorced 26 year-old and a violent, 50 year-old leather handbag with eyes can't make it work, what hope do the rest of us have?

People reported the break-up this morning and stated that "the reason for the split wasn't immediately known," but I don't think it's that hard to figure out. Take a look at Scarlett Johansson. Now look at Sean Penn. Now back to ScarJo. Now Back to Penn. There's the reason for the split, right there. She probably saw ex-husband Ryan Reynolds' abs in the Green Lantern trailer, then took one look at the withered lump of old man snoring next to her and immediately climbed out the window. 

At least she's no longer wasting her hotness on someone who looks like he'd ask you for a dollar in a 7-11 parking lot. Here are some pics of ScarJo, just cuz she's purty.

(Photos via WENN)

When an A-list actor and a high-powered Hollywood talent agent get married, it's certain to be a star-studded affair, and sure enough Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth's wedding was attended by the Hollywood elite. But there was one couple that almost threatened to steal the spotlight from the famous bride and groom: Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn.

Yep, Scar Jo dragged Skeletor to the wedding, probably with the promise of an open bar and lots of young @ss for him to ogle. Taking your new f*ck buddy to a wedding is a fast and easy way to make it official and go public. By dragging Mr. Burns to the most high-profile wedding of the year, Scarlett is basically saying to the world, "Yeah, I know what he looks like, but we do more than rub our genitals together. We're serious and I'm gonna be loaded when he croaks in a couple years. At least, I better be. I dumped Ryan Reynolds for this leathery booze sponge!"

Anyway, I like to think that's what Scarlett said when they walked into the church. 

Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are one of those couples that make you feel like you need evidence, preferably watching their sex tape, in order to believe it. Turns out Scarlett and Sean are still enjoying each other's company and Scarlett may be falling for the 50 year-old Oscar winner.

Uh, yeah... I'm sure Sean's a great lover, so stop trippin' people. Let a whore be great!

People magazine reports that Scarlett and Sean had dinner with friends in West Hollywood on Saturday night.

“They were smiles all night and seemed to have a great time together. Scarlett and Sean sat very closely and exchanged flirty looks. Scarlett acted very intrigued by him. She would smile, nod her head and just listen to his stories.”

Talk of a budding romance heated up when the two took a short and sweet getaway to Mexico at the beginning of January.

I predict that this couple could be together for up to a year.

In January, reports surfaced that Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn were dating, and now it looks like we have some camera phone evidence to prove it. Someone gave a picture of Scarlett and Sean eating at a Cuban restaurant in LA yesterday to TMZ.

The two were seen smiling and laughing together during the meal — and one source inside the restaurant tells us Scarlett covered the bill. Rumors of their “fling” have been swirling since January.

Us Weekly also claims that Scarlett is "smitten" with Penn.

What Sean's lacking in the looks department, he makes up for in spades with his talent. This is less of a relationship and more of an apprenticeship for Johansson. Sean is like her professor and he's probably teaching her a lot about her craft. The only difference is that their alternate classroom is a bedroom where Big O's are given out instead of A's!

And I think it's great that Scarlett covered the bill. You know he's compensating her in other ways.

Less than a month ago Sean Penn's wife, Robin Wright, filed for divorce after their 20 year relationship. Sean and Robin are still legally married, but that's not stopping the 49 year-old Oscar winner from whoring out.

Sean has been dating Jessica White, 25, and they've gone public with their f*ckship. Jessica is a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model who also competed on Terrell Owens' reality show. Sean and Jessica met at a birthday party at Kid Rock's house last month. A source says,

"They are together all the time. They are pretty serious together. They were holding hands. They seemed really into each other. She was laying on him... She wants to get serious with him and it seems like he is really into her too."

Good luck to Jess! Sean's peen is on the lose and I have a feeling that he's becoming a middle aged Jon Gosselin or a John Player, so she better hold off on telling everyone that he's her future hubby... unless she gets knocked up soon.

On March 17, Sean Penn, 48, and Natalie Portman, 27, had a dinner at Sunset Tower Hotel's after which they were caught kissing.

Sean is currently married to Robin Wright Penn. Star magazine says,

"They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms. They came back about 45 minutes later, and that's when I saw them making out."

"There's a door outside of the hotel's Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it's semi-private. I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains �" and that's when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves."

I'm not completely sold on this one because Natalie and Sean are two highly intelligent people and I just don't think they'd engage themselves in a semi-public makeout like this. Also, there are so many lookalikes out there. Who knows if the ho (who could have been wasted outta her mind) had actually walked in on THE Natalie Portman and THE Sean Penn?

If true, the real reason why Natalie moved from New York to LA has come out: to whore out the cookie with more colleagues!