Straight Fug (Page 3)

If Lady Gaga has good genes, than she also has bad eyes. This chick isn't exactly attractive. LG gave People magazine her beauty tips in a new exclusive article. So basically, read all of Gaga's advice and then do the exact opposite.

On how many days a week she goes to bed with her makeup on: “Seven. That is not good for your skin, but I’m blessed with good genes.”

On how she tans: "I don’t like to tan my face because it’s bad for wrinkles."

On what she thinks the best beauty tip is: “Just go with your gut. Whenever you try to be someone else, it’s boring.”

On why she doesn't wear mascara or fake eyelashes: “I think it’s more modern not to wear [either]. I just wear eyeliner.”

Gaga also revealed that she has to "get a chemical haircut because my blonde hair is falling out." She also admitted that her feet ache because she walks around in huge heels everyday. You know she won't stop wearing those insane heels either. It's all or nothing with this insane attention whore.

This is one of those posts where I'm supposed to pretend that I'm typing with a braille keyboard and someone told me that Ke$ha looks awesome in a bikini. Well I can see just fine, no glasses required, and b!tch needs to take that flat a*s and gut to the gym. Ke$ha is horribly out of shape. One can be "fat," but still solid. Then. There's. Ke$ha.

I'm not saying that Ke$ha is fat. I am saying, however, that she'd look much better if she were.

Ke$ha is as curvy as a brick and as sexy as Whoopi Goldberg. One can not change their physique: Ke$ha's shoulders are broad, she has a small torso, she's really tall in person, and her small boobs sag. Then she wears a bikini that either makes her look worse, or maybe she looks bad in every bikini? May God bless her.

We are sometimes subjected to things that we don't want to see, and like every good friend, we share the horror with others. Thank me later. Snooki hosted a pool party at Wet Republic in Vegas over the weekend and we got to see why Vinny Guadagnino says Snooki is fat.

Snooks wore a bikini underneath a friggin' T-shirt and invited her thin friend Ryder out to join her in the debauchery. No sign of Nicole's boyfriend, Jionni LaValle? He was pounding shots in the hotel room and talking himself into the Oscar worthy performance he had to put on in bed that night. If I were Jionni, I'd try to talk Nicole into becoming a born again virgin, promise rings and all.

Years ago, I attended a taping of The Price is Right with Bob Barker. My friend was the first person to get called from the audience because we're at war and he's in the military - all attendees are interviewed before each taping. Somewhere Firecracker is seen going nuts in the audience on TV when the first contestant, a hot black dude, gets plucked from the crowd. TMZ, go leak it.

... While at the taping, folks from all over the country were there. I'm talking ghost people: Pale as snow, overweight, bad haircuts, cheap shoes and fadded clothes folks. I felt as though I needed sunglasses, cause gawking at them while waiting to enter the theater was blinding.

If Teen Mom's Amber Portwood's baby daddy Gary Shirley lost weight, he wouldn't be so hard on the eyes. I didn't think it was possible, but this Clinton dude is a downgrade. Clinton Yunkers isn't pale as snow, but he's not hot either. In Indiana I assume that Clinton's like a 7, while in soCal he might be considered a 2. Some regions just produce fugly folk.

Meanwhile Amber wears brown makeup cause she thinks she's a black woman trapped inside a white chick's body. Gawd I hope these two never reproduce. Something should be done to prevent two selfish bad parents from having more young uns.

On a serious, totally non-sarcastic note, I think Lady Gaga is suffering from a severe mental illness. Gaga was spotted shopping in Milan on Friday dressed like a goth dominatrix whore on her wedding day.

Stefani Germanotta, aka Lady Gaga, is too eccentric and I think she suffers from a God complex. It's one thing to dress up when you're going to perform or appear at an event, but do you see actors and actresses roaming the streets in the costumes and makeup they wear to transform for different roles? This b!tch was in f*cking Milan, a place where I can guarantee you few people would know who Gaga is if she went with a simple disguise instead of a signature costume. I am loving the spikes over the nipples, though. I need to wear that above my outfits when I hit the gay clubs cause the men there get drunk and can't stop grabbing the girls, which is why I like to go there.

She wants a role in Twilight's Breaking Dawn or she's hoping someone will cast her as a witch. She'll work for coke and she'll let you stare at her t!ts whenever you want to, which is a sweet deal cause you don't have to pretend like you're not looking anyway.

Taylor Momsen wants us to know that she's nothing more than a pale ugly b!tch who will light her dog's testicles on fire, tell you that you suck, and kick you outta bed whenever the drugs start wearing off. Taylor wasn't even in the womb yet when the Goth craze was raging, but she sure is trying hard.

The 17 year-old trainwreck showed up to the Call Of Duty: Black Ops launch event on Thursday looking as beautiful as she always does. Joke's on you honey!

The problem with Miley Cyrus' fashion choices is that they all revolve around her showing off her long legs. There's nothing wrong with that, but her legs don't look hot anymore when she's trying so hard to look edgy that she just ends up looking like she needs a bath.

Hotness is making someone want to be in the same vicinity as you, but you take one look at Miles and you know her conversation sucks and you'd wanna rip her hair extensions out if you were stuck with her. Is Miley acting out because her parents are getting divorced? Weeks later, and she still has that f*cking Bindi in the middle of her fivehead. She's back with the boyfriend she dumped and she doesn't even wear a bra anymore. Y'all, this is serious.

Glee's Matthew Morrison has been at the center of gay rumors since the launch of his TV career. Matthew claims that he's straight, so why would Justin Timberlake's aged version dress up as Richard Simmons for Halloween? Is Matt trying to tell us something, cause you can't get any gayer than that! Welcome to the gayborhood, buddy!

I don't believe that Matthew is hetero for one second, but then I kind of really think he is hetero. He's a douche, like many heterosexual men, but he's kind of feminine, like many gay men, so you mix that all together and you get an Adam Lambert in the making with the cockiness of Kanye West and you... yeah, I still don't know what his sexual orientation is. But if I run into Matt at a Hollywood club, I'll make sure to do what I can to drug him and find out.

Snooki and The Situation make a lot of money just for showing up places, so I'm guessing the 4-foot-9 reality star made five digits for her appearance at Westfield Garden State Plaza mall in New Jersey over the weekend.

When she walked onstage Saturday near the carousel fans squealed “Snooki!” and held up their camera phones.

I don't even need to go there and state the obvious about Snooki's weight gain. She knows that she's packing the pounds on and she doesn't need me to say it. When it comes to someone I like, I am so biased, as I should be. Bloggers aren't fair cause that sh!t is bad for business.

Snooki spoke to the crowd about the success of Jersey Shore, saying: “To be honest with you, I thought it would be another ‘Real World,’ We’d have our 15 minutes and then I’d go back to college. I feel like the 15 minutes ended a year ago. Me and my cast mates can be around forever.”

Aaron Carter is a 22-year-old has been singer who competed on Dancing With the Stars so that he could be famous again. That didn't really work out for him, so now he's resorted to posting shirtless photos of himself on Twitter.

The first photo Aaron posted on October 5 is a little scary and strained as he flexes, accompanied by the comment, 'I've been at Johnny Wright's compound working on my mind, music, and body for a new album release!'

He followed up Saturday with the second shot.

There is no swooning taking place over here. I don't like it when veins are popping out all over the place on anyone. So freakish. Aaron looks much older than he is, juiced up on roids, and unattractive. Muscles don't make the man, the face and the peen does.