Straight Fug (Page 9)

I had to look at this picture a few times and re-read the caption because Lindsay Lohan looks so awful and so effing trashed. Why the eff did Lindsay say that she doesn't do drugs and doesn't drink?!!!! This is not the face of a sober 22-year-old woman, more like a rapidly aging cokehead. She's a Pam Anderson in training.

Lindsay was photographed with rapper Q-Tip at Queen Latifah's 39th birthday party over the weekend. At first I wondered why she went to the party to begin with, but now I think I know she went to score more drugs.

Christina Aguilera is photographed leaving The Viper Room on  Saturday. She was probably rehearsing her performance for Perez Hilton's 31st birthday party where she performed that night. Xtina has NO hair! Even her bangs are sewn or glued in synthetic strands. No female's hairline begins that far back. I think she's pretty enough to pull off a short 'do. She should just shave it all off and start over cause the weaves are yanking out the lil peach fuzz she has left on her noggin. Heh.

Here's Mary-Kate at a Metropolitan Opera event looking like she just feasted on a few necks before she arrived.

Her eyes are almost translucent, she's pale as hell, and she is absolutely perfect for the Twilight series. Someone cast this bitch. No one will have to apply any makeup to her pale skin and her stare is freightening cause her face is naturally skurry.

Brooke Hogan did some pole dancing at the "Calle Ocho" Latin festival in Miami and her father Hulk was reportedly in the audience.

What's tragic about this is that I'm sure she was cheered relentlessly for this nonsense. It was all from her papa too. Brooke's trying to convince us that she doesn't have a peen in between her legs, but I'm not buying it.

Well, it's not one weave. That thing looks like four horses and rats were killed then had their hair dyed to put this mop curtain together.

Christina Aguilera's son Max is the antithesis of attractive. I won't say that he is fug, I'm just gonna allow you to read between the lines.

Max got it all from his bat boy father and I am saddened for him. He is going to be taunted. He looks like a lovechild of a hobbit and a Siamese mouse.

Christina Aguilera gives her little man, 13-month-old Max, a lift Tuesday after a lunch date in Los Feliz, Calif. Aguilera celebrated her son's first birthday in January with a bash inspired by the children's book Where the Wild Things Are.

You may be wondering why I'm writing about albino Oscar winner Tilda Swinton, but wonder no longer, just look at WTFug she's got on! This is so many kinds of wrong, I just don't know where to begin. This mess looks like three dresses put together, one dress for the sleeves, one for the collar, and one for the remainder of this frock. And then there's sheer pockets!

Christian Lacroix made this gown.

"Dexter" actress Jennifer Carpenter and her soaking armpits posed with husband Michael C. Hall at a photocall for the new season of Dexter in Madrid, Spain.

Any man who does not notice that his wife is leaking right before his very eyes is obviously too into himself. Definitely not your better half at all. Then again, Jennifer should have realized that her sweater has its own built in sauna and changed clothes. It's a miracle her face isn't moist too.

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With age comes wisdom and for an unlucky few, moobs. Matt Damon knows this well. He was recently snapped in the Caribbean on vacation with his family Monday. Last Summer,

Matt had to pack on pounds for his role in the Informant and had to quickly lose the weight for reshoots of his film The Green Zone. It looks like he has found a middle ground of the two but that includes moobs.

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Tom Cruise needs a moobs lift and he looks emaciated. His stomach shouldn't be contorted like he's ready to vom. I think I prefer a lil gut over this look.

Here's what the folks at People think,

Still in Brazil for work and play, a shirtless Tom Cruise shows off his six-pack abs Tuesday while lounging poolside with wife Katie Holmes and 2-year-old daughter Suri (not pictured) at a Copacabana Beach hotel in Rio de Janeiro.