Straight Fug News (Page 3)

For Lindsay Lohan, food and dick are so 2000 and late. Here's Ms. "I Don't Drink or Do Drugs" looking like that's all she's been doing.

Linds, her various bones, and her younger sister, Ali, were all spotted in Maui. Possibly realizing that her spray tan lotion is crap, Linds laid out. She could use a tan and her boobs could use some barb wire. I don't even wanna know how thin LiLo looks in person.

I rather go completely nude than be seen in Lady Gaga's uncomfortable and ridiculous boots.

Lady Gaga's laced up thigh high heels have the three U's: Uncomfortable, Ugly, and Unacceptable. Are those boots or are they pants, and what's their purpose and function exactly cause Lady Caca doesn't have to dress this poorly when she's already a paparazzi magnet with no.1 hit songs. This is what you do when no one knows about you or cares about you.

Gaga can not afford to trip over those boots and fug up her face any worse than it already is. She has nearly been beaten to death with the ugly stick and she can't help that, so why make your entire body match your fug face? Get a grip, woman!

Lady Gaga wears shades, flashy, big clothes and distracting makeup because her face is so unfortunate. Her nose is massive, her eyes are beady, her face is long... she looks like a horse mated with Alf and then bleached her skin. It's not like I listen to Lady Gaga's music incessantly because of how her face looks, cause I wouldn't listen to it at all if that were the case!

Here she is leaving Radio 1.

I can't figure out who looks worse. Paris' wonk, chiseled jaw, and giraffe-like arm are scary while Kelly Osbourne looks like a dirty, smelly patriotic lezzie clown.

Kelly Osbourne needs to remain in rehab. That is not the face of a sober woman. Her ridiculous tattoos and her ensemble makes me wanna spread her out in the wilderness somewhere and leave her there until birds poop on her.

Lady Gaga used to be a stripper and she says that she's very comfortable with nudity and her body. That's great and all, but duct tape on your nipples, b*tch? That's tacky.

Here's Gaga in London last night. She had restaurant with her entourage, went clubbing, and then returned to her West London hotel at 2:30 in the morning. Gaga is well versed in Attention Whore 101. Her debut album is aptly titled The Fame.

Miss Piggy Clarkson was on hand to sing the national anthem at the new Yankees Stadium in the Bronx, New York today. The plus-sized American Idol winner was covering up all her rolls underneath a thick jacket.

I know I'm relentless when it comes to Jelly Clarkson, but I just wish she'd do something with herself. She has the money and the resources to get in shape.

I was looking at old photos of her just a few minutes ago and she is beautiful when she's thin. I am just like Kelly - when I gain weight it goes to my face. I'm not knocking her for being chunky, but some people carry extra weight around much better than others and she's not one of 'em, so she should put in some damn effort.

Maybe Kelly didn't gain a pound since the last time I've seen her via her American Idol "My Life Would Suck Without You" performance, but it's evident that she has a love affair with food and a hatred for exercise.

I hope she gets hawt again. Not a good look, Miss Piggy.

UPDATE: I just found the video. Kelly was a soul sistah.

Lady Gaga has outdone herself! The addictive pop singer debuted a hot tranny weave mess last night while leaving Katsuya in L.A. Gaga was reportedly trying to hide from the paps after dining with her new boyfriend. You can't hide when you look like a satellite dish.

This platinum conehead Amy Wino beehive spin-off is so ridic! I could actually think that it's edgy if the cone matched her hair color, but this look is bargain basket chic. And any man who walks out the door while his woman looks like a unicorn in heels deserves extra servicing.

Jessica Simpson has proven time and time again that she does not know how to drink responsibly. She's always getting wasted, and when she gets wasted, she gets fug! Here's Messy Jessy with boyfriend Tony Romo on Sunday night.

Jess, Tony, and Jessica's butt cheeks were all spotted leaving Beso restaurant. I've reviewed supersized versions of these shots and Jess was wearing some yeast infection inducing G-string at the time.

P.Diddy's rumored girlfriend Cassie posted links to her shaved head photos on her Twitter page on Saturday.

After many fans may have asked her WTF, Cassie posted the following answer on Sunday: “They ask why?? Lol… B/C I WOKE UP AND FELT LIKE IT!!! YEEEAHHH!!!”

No word on why she only shaved HALF of her damn head nor why she thinks it looks good. Hope Diddy approves of what she felt like doing!

I had to look at this picture a few times and re-read the caption because Lindsay Lohan looks so awful and so effing trashed. Why the eff did Lindsay say that she doesn't do drugs and doesn't drink?!!!! This is not the face of a sober 22-year-old woman, more like a rapidly aging cokehead. She's a Pam Anderson in training.

Lindsay was photographed with rapper Q-Tip at Queen Latifah's 39th birthday party over the weekend. At first I wondered why she went to the party to begin with, but now I think I know she went to score more drugs.