Straight Fug News (Page 3)

I love Scarlett Johansson, but b*tch looks strange in her Elle France photospread. She looks like a congested alien with a lightbulb head.

In all fairness, ScarJo has dropped a lot of weight for her new movie and these pictures were obviously taken post weightloss. That's why she looks so hideous. Scarlett needs all of her curves. All of 'em. Thin is bad and if God blessed you with curves, and you don't look like Jelly Clarkson who carries all of her weight in her ass, face and thighs, then keep some weight on and keep those sexy curves!

Kelly Clarkson must weigh like 210 pounds. Miss Piggy looks like she packed on at least a few more pounds every time new pictures come out.

She's so cute, though! Jelly Clarkson's just like a waddling little lady, all bloated and flat chested and fug.

Kelly Clarkson went shopping in Sydney, Australia, yesterday. Too bad they don't sell willpower! No, seriously, if they did, I would fly out and buy a few dozen bottles.

Do You Think Kelly Clarkson Should Lose Weight?

Paris Hilton and her douchey boyfriend Doug Reinhardt are vacationing in the Caribbean right now and it looks like Paris' bikini came in a kid's size. Her deflated booty is too big for her bikini, but who cares about that? Paris is turning into an Indian woman from the booty crack up. At least we can all take solace knowing that the b*tch will be kept off her back for the next few days. Someone should tell her that semen is SPF 0.

Someone needs sleeves!

Here's a concert review that I enjoyed because Kelly Clarkson seriously needs to stop screaming and busting out her voice. She needs some singing lessons. The picture is also great cause the country girl looks possessed with that glow in her eyes.

Jelly Clarkson is so butch and I long for the day when her "Yes, I'm Gay!" People magazine issue will be available at newsstands everywhere.

Kelly's set was enjoyable enough, though if she keeps screaming like that, her voice is going to be gone in five years. She took someone's phone from the front row to talk to their friend which was really sweet. She was like, "Hey, how are you? This is Kelly Clarkson. I feel like a douche for saying that. 'I'm Kelly Clarkson!'" Kelly said all the guys had to sing along because they knew "Since U Been Gone" even if they weren't gay and everyone sang along.

ontd

For Lindsay Lohan, food and dick are so 2000 and late. Here's Ms. "I Don't Drink or Do Drugs" looking like that's all she's been doing.

Linds, her various bones, and her younger sister, Ali, were all spotted in Maui. Possibly realizing that her spray tan lotion is crap, Linds laid out. She could use a tan and her boobs could use some barb wire. I don't even wanna know how thin LiLo looks in person.

I rather go completely nude than be seen in Lady Gaga's uncomfortable and ridiculous boots.

Lady Gaga's laced up thigh high heels have the three U's: Uncomfortable, Ugly, and Unacceptable. Are those boots or are they pants, and what's their purpose and function exactly cause Lady Caca doesn't have to dress this poorly when she's already a paparazzi magnet with no.1 hit songs. This is what you do when no one knows about you or cares about you.

Gaga can not afford to trip over those boots and fug up her face any worse than it already is. She has nearly been beaten to death with the ugly stick and she can't help that, so why make your entire body match your fug face? Get a grip, woman!

Lady Gaga wears shades, flashy, big clothes and distracting makeup because her face is so unfortunate. Her nose is massive, her eyes are beady, her face is long... she looks like a horse mated with Alf and then bleached her skin. It's not like I listen to Lady Gaga's music incessantly because of how her face looks, cause I wouldn't listen to it at all if that were the case!

Here she is leaving Radio 1.

I can't figure out who looks worse. Paris' wonk, chiseled jaw, and giraffe-like arm are scary while Kelly Osbourne looks like a dirty, smelly patriotic lezzie clown.

Kelly Osbourne needs to remain in rehab. That is not the face of a sober woman. Her ridiculous tattoos and her ensemble makes me wanna spread her out in the wilderness somewhere and leave her there until birds poop on her.

Lady Gaga used to be a stripper and she says that she's very comfortable with nudity and her body. That's great and all, but duct tape on your nipples, b*tch? That's tacky.

Here's Gaga in London last night. She had restaurant with her entourage, went clubbing, and then returned to her West London hotel at 2:30 in the morning. Gaga is well versed in Attention Whore 101. Her debut album is aptly titled The Fame.

Miss Piggy Clarkson was on hand to sing the national anthem at the new Yankees Stadium in the Bronx, New York today. The plus-sized American Idol winner was covering up all her rolls underneath a thick jacket.

I know I'm relentless when it comes to Jelly Clarkson, but I just wish she'd do something with herself. She has the money and the resources to get in shape.

I was looking at old photos of her just a few minutes ago and she is beautiful when she's thin. I am just like Kelly - when I gain weight it goes to my face. I'm not knocking her for being chunky, but some people carry extra weight around much better than others and she's not one of 'em, so she should put in some damn effort.

Maybe Kelly didn't gain a pound since the last time I've seen her via her American Idol "My Life Would Suck Without You" performance, but it's evident that she has a love affair with food and a hatred for exercise.

I hope she gets hawt again. Not a good look, Miss Piggy.

UPDATE: I just found the video. Kelly was a soul sistah.