Suri Cruise is 4 years old today! When Suri was first born she was called the "alien baby" because folks assumed that Tom Cruise was sterile and his Xenu loving Scientology sperm would ensure that his spawn may not be of this earth. After Katie Holmes pushed her out, Suri went straight from the womb into the witness protection program. Tom and his Stepford wife kept her identity hidden from the public for around five months or so...

Then Suri Cruise graced us with her then Asian looking presence and since then she has blossomed into a very cute little Katie Holmes mini-me. She has lived her entire life in front of the paparazzi which isn't normal, but here's hoping that she'll grow up to be the anti-Lindsay Lohan, or she can always get emancipated and go live with Courtney Love if she wants to become prim and proper.

It is REALLY time for Katie Holmes to get herself knocked up again!

Katie's trying to re-live the glory months of when she was breastfeeding someone other than Tom Cruise and Suri actually had to be held because she wasn't walking yet.

But Suri Cruise is turning four years old in less than a week and there's no need for Katie's mini-me to be extremely sheltered to the point where she doesn't even have socks on half the time. How the hell can the poor (as in extremely wealthy) kid even walk without shoes during Katie's photo opp excursions, even if she wants to? If she's becoming a major brat, it's because Katie and Tom are training her to be one. I just love Suri, though. Don't cross her.

... for the day. Suri Cruise has swagger and she's here to represent.

Why is Suri walking around with an umbrella when there's no rain in sight? Because she wants to God damn it!

Katie Holmes' spoiled brat drinks out of a wine glass and rocks a purse that costs more than some folks' paycheck, and she's not slowing down any time soon. Suri's the boss lady and she was spotted roaming the New York streets dressed up like a ballerina. Suri has yet to be spotted in a pair of pants because Katie and Tom say that she loves dresses. Good reasoning! Toddlers should always pick out their attire no matter what.

I feel bad for Suri Cruise. Yeah, she's living a lavish lifestyle flying around in private jets and having amazing birthday parties at Disney World, but wearing heels at the ripe age of 3 and carrying  handbags that cost more than an airline ticket is beyond ridiculous. 

In the new issue of Us Weekly, sources say Suri 'hates jeans' and carries an $850 Ferregamo purse. Can you believe that sh*t? Yes you can because Katie Holmes and alien boy Tom Cruise are her parents. Put some sweat pants on the kid and let her make some mud pies! I don't care how rich you are, you're ridiculous if you're gonna allow your toddler to walk around sporting a seriously expensive purse.

I understand they've got a butt load of money and can pamper their little princess however they please, but don't be shocked if she turns out to be the most spoiled brat in Tinseltown 10 years from now. I'm just sayin'!

If Tom Cruise can control his Stepford Wife Katie, than Suri Cruise can do the same with her mother. Suri Cruise is always photographed wearing dresses in cold weather without a jacket, rocking high heels, lipstick, and having messy hair. She is clearly the HBIC in the Cruise household and now she's drinking out of a wine glass? I bow down.

Things are getting pretty tense at Katie Holmes' house. Sources say that Tom and Katie have frequent fights because Tommy wants another child but Katie thinks 3-year-old Suri is getting too spoiled.

"He lets her do anything she wants, from eating cupcakes for breakfast to drawing on the walls. He never says no to her.”

“Some days, Suri won’t even let Katie touch her hair.” And the staff are too frightened of losing their jobs to stand in Suri’s way.

Tom has already replaced his mahogany paneling twice due to Suri making it her canvas. In another year or two I wouldn't be surprised to see pics of Suri rocking her Louis Vuitton bags and talking on her cell phone. I can't wait.

Speaking of spoiled brats, here's a kid that is gonna be hell on wheels when she gets older if her parents can't even get her to stop drinking from a bottle. Suri Cruise was photographed getting tipsy on a bottle while sitting on Katie Holmes' lap during a break from filming a movie in New York City.

The kid is three frickin' years old and wears high heels, yet they can't wean her off the bottle? Because they're famous and all, Dr. Jennifer Shu has put her two cents in about Suri's drinking habit.

"By the time kids are nine months old, they have the physical development and mouth coordination necessary to be able to drink out of a sippy cup or a cup with straw."

It's probably a hard habit to break because behind closed doors, Tom Cruise still drinks from a baby bottle himself. Not only that, but he also wears a diaper and makes Katie hold his ankles up and wipe his butt. Actually, it would be nice to pee yourself and have somebody clean you up and throw a little baby powder on your a*s.

Katie Holmes has allegedly won the battle against her dictator hubby, Tom Cruise. Tom and Katie have had "huge problems and arguments" over what preschool to enroll their future money maker in.

Katie won, and Scientology may have to wait for now. Katie's twin will be attending the Catholic Charities Yawkey Centre For Early Education And Learning in Boston. Hmmm... if they can teach Suri that heels are for hookers and letting a grown up brush your hair is a good thing, then I'm all for it.

Here's more pictures of Suri Cruise walking around in the cold without wearing a jacket. As a soCal native, whenever I'm outside and it's below 70, I run from building to building because 'it's freezing!' Suri makes it look so simple.

Toddler Gone Wild! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are turning their cutie Suri Cruise into a woman! The three year-old has been photographed in lipstick and high heels and it's all very frightening.

Suri's hair also needs to be tamed. Do they know how to control her? On different occasions Katie Holmes or Tom has said that Suri LOVES to wear skirts and she's such a girly girl. That's cute and all but it's obvious that Suri is the HBIC in their house. It wouldn't be surprising if the future rebel will be working for a P.I.M.P. down the road.

Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' human prop, is photographed nearly every day. Daddy likes it. In fact, Tom Cruise said,

I have to say some of those paparazzi shots of my daughter are incredible. As a parent you protect your children but Suri is a very open and warm child.

But what effect is the perpetual picture taking having on this poor little girl who's becoming all growed up in front of the stalkerazzi? Unlike many child stars, Suri's parents make no attempts to keep her away from the paps. Ever. I think it's pretty sad.

The pics above and below were all taken over the Thanksgiving weekend. Suri needs a vacay.