Queen of bad decisions Rachel Uchitel has been ordered to return the $10 million Tiger Woods' camp paid to silence her, and now she's fighting attorney Gloria Allred, who negotiated the settlement. Rachel signed a confidentiality agreement, prohibiting her to talk about Tiger.

Never one to be a self-serving douchebag, Tiger had his lawyer claim that Rachel violated their agreement by appearing on "Celebrity Rehab" because she has an "addiction to love." Never mind that the serial homewrecker did not even mention Tiger's name on the show!

Rachel felt that she didn't violate any terms, but Gloria convinced her that she would lose the case if it went to trial. Rachel then returned the money!

TMZ reports, "What has Rachel fuming is that Gloria allegedly made a deal that Gloria would still get all of her attorney's fees. Rachel believes Gloria sold her out."

Since her ex-husband never stopped dating, even when he was married, it's about time Elin Nordegren got back in the game.

Us Weekly reports that Tiger Wood's ex-wife has been dating again and recently broke off a three month relationship with a Swedish banker. Also, an anonymous friend of Elin's told the magazine that Elin has no plans on forgiving the philandering father of her children. "She hates Tiger," the friend says. "She doesn't see him or speak with him. The only interaction they have is when she drops the kids off...She's doing really well."

Yeah, given the outrageous settlement she received in the divorce, I'd imagine she's doing really well. You know what they say, the best revenge is living well off of your ex's millions. Or something like that.

(Photo via WENN)

Tiger Woods and creepiness go together like peanut butter and jelly, so it should come as no surprise that Tiger has been acquainted with his latest conquest, Alyse Lahti-Johnson, since she was a little girl. When she used to draw pictures for him with crayons. Yeah, that's kinda gross even for Tiger.

A friend of Alyse's told Us Weekly that Alyse's family was close to Tiger while she was growing up, and that Alyse, who is 13 years younger than Tiger, used to "draw good luck pictures for Tiger before his tournaments." The source adds, "They had photos in their house of their family with Tiger, but Alyse never says she was interested in him!" Really? Alyse didn't announce her intentions to get down with Tiger back when his career first started? Maybe that's because she was 7 years old!

We see big age differences in celebrity couples all the time and don't really think about it, but it's friggin' weird when you actually knew the younger person when they were a little kid. Call me crazy, but I'd have a hard time dating someone when I remember them getting potty trained while I was in college.

Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend and gasp, she's white! At least he's consistent. The shamed golfer is now dating a 22 year-old named Alyse Lahti Johnston. Alastair, Alyse's stepdad, worked with Tiger and introduced her to the selfish male slut. 

The f*ckship has been going on for several weeks now and they were even spotted on his luxury yacht in Florida last week. Alyse got a DUI in Florida last year and she pretty much just wants to have sex with a sex addict. Sounds like a good plan.

Sources reveal: "She didn't consider herself Tiger's girlfriend. They were just having a good time hooking up," and she's also a bit of a wild child. She definitely likes to have fun. She just wants to have a good time and lots of fun. I can definitely see her considering sex with Tiger a lot more fun than a relationship with him."

Alyse reportedly came from a rich family, so she doesn't care about Tiger's money. Right... well actually, that does sound true cause Tiger buys his chicks a Subway sandwich and dumps the ones that ask for a few hundred dollars.

You know that everything is always all about Tiger: He flies you in only for sex, not vacations, you're on the rag and he tells you to yank out your tampon, and he sees a handful of other chicks simultaneously, yet tells you that you're the only one. Tiger doesn't sound "fun," he sounds like a nightmare!

Remember the really rough looking Perkins waitress who claimed she had sex with Tiger Woods in his car? You know, the one that says The National Enquirer picked up her dirty tampon and threatened to bust out Tiger's affairs? Oh yeah, you're starting to remember her now! Her name is Mindy Lawton and she's heading to jail for a year after pleading no contest to a 2009 drunk driving accident.

According to court records, Lawton's blood alcohol level registered at 0.18 when she crashed her sedan into another car Jan. 10, 2009, causing the other driver to sustain several injuries including broken ribs, back, memory loss and facial injuries,

Orange County Judge Alan Apte sentenced the former Perkins waitress to 363 days in jail with credit for one day already served after the crash, five years probation, loss of her license for 180 days, and ordered her to perform 50 hours of community service when she is released.

She'll be known around the clink as that chick who looks like a used-up $5.00 whore, but totally swears she banged Tiger Woods. If she comes across someone who has been in there for 10 years and is strung out on jail-made heroin, she might actually be able to convince them that she slept with a billionaire.

This b!tch just needs to go away already. Just when you thought you'd heard the last of Tiger Woods' number 1 ho, Rachel Uchitel is back, in the newest season of Celebrity Rehab, premiering Monday. So, what's the crippling addiction that landed Rachel in Dr. Drew's high-profile 'hab? Crack? Booze? Something lame like gambling or shopping? Nope, Rachel has reached new levels of bullsh!t in her quest to remain relevant, claiming that she's addicted to love. Seriously.

Yep, after trying on a bunch of made-up addictions, Rachel must have heard that Robert Palmer song on the radio and decided that love addiction is a totally real thing that can totally happen to a grown woman. "People think it's a moral issue when you fall in love all over the place," Rachel told The Today Show this morning. "It's not. It's a disease and a disorder; it's where you feel like you have a hole in your heart and you are waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and save you."

Hmmm...Sounds to me like a bad case of "Being Female-itis." Other symptoms include having breasts and menstruating. I kid, ladies! Seriously, though, you can tell Dr. Drew has been filling Rachel's head with all kinds of psychobabble bullsh!t to convince her she needs rehab. B!tch can't even decide if it's a disease or an addiction. Either way, I don't think the best place for her to get help is a house full of cameras and cracked-out, washed-up celebs. I guess Tiger's wood is more addictive than anyone thought.

Train wreck Devon James, who claims to be one of Tiger Woods' mistresses, says she has sold her sex tape with the sex kitten to a DVD production company for $350,000 plus royalties. A source who spoke with Radar Online says he has seen the tape and it's dirrrrrrty!

“I’ve seen the tape and it’s Tiger Woods playing a few holes. He can be pretty dirty…in fact, he is dirty! Mr. Tiger’s smile is unmistakable…it’s definitely his face. Because of her [Devon’s] past I thought, ‘There’s no way she actually has a tape,’ but then I saw it with my own eyes and couldn’t believe it."

“I’m on the fence with the whole thing; I kind of think Tiger’s had enough and he’s trying to pull his life back together. But when I saw the video and there it was right in front of me, my jaw just hit the floor.”

The source says Tiger is dirty but it's one thing to be it in bed, or to look dirty like Devon James. She looks like she's been rode hard and put away one a few too many times. I'm all about watching it if it is Tiger, but I highly doubt that's the case. 

If this was true, why wouldn't Tiger sick his lawyers on her like flies on horse sh*t? She has claimed he is her baby daddy, and he not, and her own mother says she's full of crap.

You can check out the website for the sex tape here!

Porn star and golf great f*cker Devon James has been full of sh*t about allegations she's made in the past about having a love child with Tiger Woods so I don't know if I believe this load that's coming out of her mouth. Devon told Radar Online that she has a sex tape featuring Tiger Woods and she plan on meeting with Vivid Entertainment about selling the self-made porn flick.

"The tape is 62 minutes long and 37 minutes of it is us having sex. We are flying to Los Angeles today to meet with Vivid about selling the tape."

Tiger's dirty little whore says the video was made in 2008 and seems to think it's worth big bucks, and plans on getting it released one way or another.

“This sex tape is worth at least $350,000. If Vivid won't pay enough, we're going to self-release the tape... It’s going to be the bomb.”

Devon's own mother believes she's full of sh*t and doesn't think she ever had a relationship with Tiger. She seems to be a delusional whore who probably had sex with some random black dude wearing a golf shirt and was fooled into believing it was the infamous sex kitten. I can only pray to the sex tape gods that this is a real Tiger sex video and I'll get to see his wang in action.

Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel were spotted separately in Manhattan this week. Tiger was trying to lay low; Rachel was cashing in on her 15 minutes of fame.

The world's most famous man whore was seen moving into a swanky condo in lower Manhattan over the weekend. The ease with which Tiger found a new bachelor pad highlights the advantages of wealth, fame, and being a man, as his mistress, Rachel Uchitel, was recently sent packing by an Upper East Homeowners Association, due to her involvement in the high-profile cheating scandal. Bit of a double standard, don't ya think? Maybe Rachel should grow a penis and learn to swing a golf club.

Uchitel, meanwhile, was seen visiting Ground Zero with Dr. Drew for an upcoming episode of Celebrity Rehab. Apparently, Rachel's fiancee was killed in the 9/11 attacks and Dr. Douche thought visiting the big hole in the ground would help with her therapy. That's incredibly sad, and might help to explain why Rachel's a little effed-up these days, but it doesn't mean that she's actually addicted to anything and it certainly doesn't make Dr. Drew any less of an opportunistic a-hole.

Well, hopefully Tiger and Rachel kept their distance from one another while they were both in NYC. She's already hanging out with Dr. Drew, she doesn't need any more dicks in her life.

Elin Nordegren dealt with her husband and the father of her two children cheating on her with every porn star and prostitute that was willing, and she had to cope with it in the public eye. Thus far, Elin has remained silent, but in her very "first and last" interview, the 30 year-old mother-of-two gives us a glimpse at what she's been dealing with.

On what she went through: "I have been through the stages of disbelief and shock, to anger and ultimately grief over the loss of the family I so badly wanted for my children."

On how she feels now: "I also feel stronger than I ever have. I have confidence in my beliefs, my decisions and myself. My immediate plan is for the kids and me to continue to adjust to our new situation. I am going to keep taking classes, but my main focus is to try to give myself time to heal."

On whether or not she knew Tiger was on the prowl: "I'm so embarrassed that I never suspected - not one. For the past 3 1/2 years, when all this was going on, I was home a lot more with pregnancies, then the children and my school."

On why she didn't stay with Tiger: She says she and Woods tried to work on their marriage, but "without trust and love," it didn't work.

On her divorce settlement: "Money can't buy happiness or put my family back together."

I feel that Elin is too damn passive. Tiger is beyond lucky that he married a woman who wants to keep quiet. Elin could have made equally as much money as she made in her divorce settlement had she sold her story in interviews, book deals, and movie rights, which is exactly what Tiger Sex Addict Woods deserves.

I don't understand how anyone can say that Tiger's not a sex addict, than WTF is he? A man who just loves sex? The things Tiger was doing were NOT normal. I will always be disgusted with Tiger just knowing that he was having unprotected sex with porn stars and hookers and then sticking it in Elin and knocking her up twice so he could get his mulatto kids. Elin was used for his public image and she was nothing more than a breeder, sadly. That doesn't mean that Tiger didn't have feelings for her, but he cared about himself more than he did his wife, her health, his health, and his children. Sounds like the perfect man for Rachel Uchitel!

Elin should just become a born again lesbian until she's ready to deal with another man. We'll never understand all the embarrassment, pain and shame she has been through, especially cause she won't tell us about it. She's keeping quiet.

Elin's People magazine issue goes on stands this Friday.