Tony Romo
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It surely didn't take long for Tony Romo to move on after his split with Jessica Simpson, and he made a serious upgrade!

Check out Tony's new piece of *ss Candice Crawford, Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford's little sister. People are calling her a Jessica Simpson look-a-like but Candice is waaaay hotter than Jessica, and has a gorgeous body too!

Jessica Simpson can't have a peaceful breakup in public, it's always gotta be embarrassing for her. Tony Romo, Jessica's "future husband," told everyone Jess sucks in bed when he dumped her the first time, banned her from his Dallas mansion, and flirted with three of her friends when they were still together.

One of Jessica's "friends" told her,

“We were at a party when you were out of town and I ran into Tony. We were friendly, just talking. But the more he drank, the more friendly he got. Finally, he said, ‘You know, you and I should get together - Jessica doesn’t need to find out!’”

Others said Tony would get “all grabby and kissy-face,” but they’d push him away.

“This is tearing Jessica apart. Every guy she’s been with lately, like John Mayer and Tony, have had womanizing issues. She’s picking ‘em worse, not better.”

I don't mind hate to sound like a sexist frat boy, but Jess needs to stop letting herself go! Tony stood by Jessica during Fatgate and she drinks too damn much and she's not the type of ho you take seriously. Jess needs to come to terms with her new reality: She's not as hot or as successful as she once was, and she needs to stop acting like Jennifer Maniston by dating men who don't wanna commit. Lemme think about this one for a minute ... Someone should clone Jake Gyllenhaal! Not for her, but for my greedy self.

Screw Jess, she makes the worst partner choices.

Tony Romo is making sure his name stays in the media by doing stupid sh*t like banning Jessica Simpson from his home.

Tony had put a note on his entrance letting the whole world know Jessica Simpson is no longer allowed at his house. Oh, boo frickin' hoo.

The new issue of Us Weekly, on stands now, reports the Dallas Cowboys quarterback instructed security to keep Simpson out of his gated community.

A sign at the entrance reads: "RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN....JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS.

Simpson didn't exactly want to stick around: The singer paid $19,000 on July 15 to ship 37 boxes worth of her belongings from Dallas to L.A. overnight.

If my man left me the day before my birthday, I sure as hell wouldn't make my way back to his place. Besides, she knows the pap smears are waiting to take a pic of her showing up, so why chance it?

Jessica Simpson is a sad puppy since Tony Romo left her *ss, but it looks like she's taking out some of the aggression at the gym, where she was seen leaving yesterday after a workout.

Sources close to Jessica's family say she is depressed over the Tony Romo situation and is taking it hard.

"She takes breakups really badly. She has a hard time letting go." So far, Simpson has been coping with the split by living a low-key life and seeking solace with her parents, who "encourage her to go out and have a good time, like she did this week," says the Simpson family friend.

But when she's out in public, "she feels she's being judged by the world and opts to hide out at home," says the friend. "The family feels bad for Jessica. They worry for her a lot."

Don't be so flippin' hard on yourself over Tony Romo cause he was a downgrade from John Mayer anyway. Live the single life, whore around and party for a while instead of trying to find your next husband!

It sounds like Jessica Simpson was totally clueless that Tony Romo was going to break up with her. She's probably sitting in front of a TV in her pajamas watching Oprah, eating ice cream and deleting Tony Romo pics from her laptop. He still gets the *sshole award for leaving her the day before her birthday.

"Jessica was really blindsided," says a Simpson family friend. "She's sad, mad, and confused. Her emotions are all over the place."

Since the sudden split Simpson has been laying low. "She is holding up okay," says the Simpson source. "She is with her family. They are – as always – very supportive of her."

Get over it Jess, there's plenty of other penis in the sea. If you're sticking with ball players, at least find one that's a decent athlete.

Tony Romo should get an award for *sshole boyfriend of the year. Tony apparently dumped his girl Jessica Simpson, the day before her 29th birthday. He couldn't have done it two days earlier or later? Geesh!

"She is heartbroken," says the source. "She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways."

The Dallas Cowboys quarterback fueled breakup rumors when he showed up with about 14 friends at the Hollywood hotspot MyHouse on Friday night without the birthday girl.

"He had quite a few girls stop by his dance floor table," says an onlooker. "Romo was sipping Grey Goose and having a fun time with the boys."

Why wait until the day before her birthday? Was it because Jessica was going to have a Barbie & Ken themed birthday party and he wasn't up to dressing like Ken? He must not have been up to wearing a blond Ken wig.

I like how they say he's busy with his career, like he's had much of one. You knew these two weren't going to last so I'm glad they finally split...Again!

Jessica Simpson has proven time and time again that she does not know how to drink responsibly. She's always getting wasted, and when she gets wasted, she gets fug! Here's Messy Jessy with boyfriend Tony Romo on Sunday night.

Jess, Tony, and Jessica's butt cheeks were all spotted leaving Beso restaurant. I've reviewed supersized versions of these shots and Jess was wearing some yeast infection inducing G-string at the time.

Jessica Simpson thought boyfriend Tony Romo would propose to her on Christmas. Then she thought he would pop the question on New Year's. Then she had her panty pudding on reserve for Valentine's Day... no such engagement rock has appeared. Jess is reportedly seeking advice from younger, happily married sister Ashlee.

"[Jessica told Ashlee,] ‘I know Tony loves me, but I don't know if he'll ever propose.' … Ashlee has always been the more realistic, more practical of the two sisters. And Ashlee knows how much her sister wants to be married and have a baby of her own. But as wonderful as Tony is, he is not the marrying kind �" probably not for years."

There's always St. Patrick's Day. Tony could be liquored up enough to get down on bended knee... and pass out. I don't see an engagement happening anytime soon. I smell an inevitable breakup in the works.

OK

After getting my ass handed to me like a little bitch, I would collapse, too!

After last Sunday's biggest loss in Dallas Cowboy franchise history, ESPN reports that Tony Romo collapsed in the shower. ESPN.com says that medical staff brought in a stretcher, but Tony walked out on his own. Being a good sport, he also answered questions in a post-game news conference shortly after, but he had to be helped to the podium.

Updated word on the ESPN.com street is that Tony may have suffered a rib injury in the second half of the game. Tony has refused to answer questions about his health.

I'm lost. Rib injury = collapsing butt nekkid in a locker room in front of all your boys? I mean, my lower back hurts right now and I dunno if that's gonna effect, like, my ability to do the deuce on the toilet and talk on the phone at the same time. I guess you can never be too cautious. Shit.

Get better, Tony!!

But wait! You know the only thing reporters ask her about is Tony Romo, and even if they don't, you know Jess feels like she must convince us that her love life doesn't suck anymore... I'm not convinced.

Reporter: Jessica, how's everything going?

Jessica: Tony Romo is the best man alive.

Reporter: How's country music working out for you. Did you have a good time making your album?

Jessica: Tony Romo is the reason why I'm alive. He saved me from myself. He breathes life into me. The world is a better place with him in it.

Reporter: How excited are you about Ashlee's pregnancy?

Jessica: Tony Romo is my future husband. We'll have babies one day. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. I'm over John Mayer. I love Tony!

Alright, here's the real excerpts:

On Tony Romo:

"I just told him today, 'You're the love of my life.' I don't really ever say that to anybody."

On making it hard for her exes to contact her:

"I don't want anybody that's been in my life [before] in my life anymore. I don't even want them to have any way of contacting me."

On her break-up with John Mayer:

"I had to regain self-esteem and self-value. I just love, so I don't understand when people can't do exactly what I do."